#i mean sure i'm always looking forward to some dramas

[ahundredtimesover]

I Want You to Stay (03) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 14.8k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: I've been thoroughly enjoying your asks and replies about this story (sorry I can’t get to each one!) I see that a lot can relate to what OC's going through and I'm sending you hugs! 🤗 Again, I appreciate your love and excitement. And uh... Golden JK in that white tank. YUP. 🤭 Hoping you enjoy this one!

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight  🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

The spring in your step tightens the closer you get to Jungkook’s penthouse the next Monday. Walking here to start another week, there’s a mix of emotions you’re carrying with you. 

You got to spend a proper weekend. On Friday, you made yourself some cold noodles and then watched a movie with Jimin and Soomin on video call, who’d said they’ll be visiting you in a week. You took the train to Daegu on Saturday, went to the park, then stayed in to enjoy Min-woo’s cooking and the girls’ stories about school and their youth clubs. You then buried yourself in your mother’s embrace as you told her about your week. You didn’t want to say too much, not wanting her to worry that her daughter isn’t being treated well at her job, but you suppose you said enough. 

“I wish I was strong enough to protect you from everything,” she’d told you softly. “All I can do is just give you hugs and say words of encouragement that might not even mean much.”

“And you still are, mom. I look forward to being with you because of those hugs. But more than that, you were strong enough to protect me from the bad guys,” you’d assured her. “Jungkook is many things but he’s not a terrible person. I can handle him.”

And you meant it. He may be hot-tempered sometimes but he’s not evil. But just because he made you go home early last Friday, it also doesn’t mean he’s suddenly redeemed in your mind. Sure, he didn’t email you at all over the weekend unlike last time, but he also still didn’t apologize to you nor show remorse. 

Perhaps that small nod after he called you telling you that you could go home was his way of saying sorry, or maybe it just isn’t in his vocabulary. You wonder if Hoseok had told him off but even then, it’s a pretty quick change, if you could call it that. 

Regardless, you felt like a human being again these past few days; you just wish Jungkook woke up on the right side of the bed this morning and doesn’t find a reason to complain about you. 

Unlocking the door, you’re surprised to hear silence - there are no grunts and deep breaths nor the sound of leather hitting leather from his morning workout. You scan the floor before walking around - a habit you’ve developed after finding that laced underwear last week - and then peep into the door on the right, only to find untouched equipment and no other traces of him. 

You’re in the living room when you hear another door close, prompting you to turn around and see a woman appearing from the hallway on the other side of the penthouse. Her hair’s a bit disheveled and she’s wearing one of Jungkook’s coats that you saw in his closet. 

“Uh, who are you?” The woman scoffs, her arms crossed and eyebrows raised now. 

Taken aback, you just stare at her, until you realize she’s not wearing anything underneath so you look away.

You try to make sense of who she is and how you could get out of this situation. You know for a fact that Jungkook doesn’t have a girlfriend, at least that’s what Lucas had told you, but who knows what Jungkook’s been up to since he got back? There was that red laced underwear from last week after all. Maybe he does sleep around like what Do-hyun said. Maybe this woman just doesn’t know Jungkook has a female assistant. Maybe he’s—

“Hey, I’m talking to you,” she says, sounding more annoyed now. 

“Oh. Uh, I’m Mr. Jeon’s—”

“She’s my assistant,” Jungkook answers, catching you off guard, given that you hadn’t noticed him walk in. 

He’s not in his usual workout attire, although him in a white tank top and gray sweatpants with mussed hair somehow seems more overwhelming than him in nothing but gym shorts. You glance at him as he stands next to the woman, whose face suddenly lights up. Not wanting to look at her, you shift your gaze towards the ceiling, trying hard not to look awkward as you’re rooted in place. 

The woman looks at you from head to toe and you feel her judging you, assessing you, while Jungkook stands there, yawning and combing his hair with his fingers.

“Just your assistant?” She asks, sounding incredulous. 

“Yeah. What else would she be?” Jungkook answers nonchalantly. Looking at you, he nods ever so slightly that you almost miss it, another hint of acknowledgement you’d seen last Friday. “Just eggs on toast. And coffee.”

“Yes, Mr. Jeon,” you say, exhaling the breath you were holding and then walking to the kitchen to start on his breakfast. 

“I don’t know, another one of your girls? I see you with a new one every time,” she huffs, sounding bitter, but Jungkook doesn’t sound amused.

“What are you still doing here?” He asks, walking to where you are then taking the glass of water you prepare for him. “I called a service for you last night.”

“I was too tired,” she says, and you don’t miss the sultry tone of her voice now. “You tired me out, Jungkook. I could barely get off the bed.”

“And why are you still here?” He asks, clearly not having it with her teasing. 

“Because I’m still tired,” she smirks, having followed him to the kitchen. 

You feel tense once more; you definitely don’t want to be part of this conversation in any way nor be privy to it, especially given what obviously happened between them last night. And especially not with Jungkook looking and sounding the way he does this early Monday morning.

“And I was thirsty,” she continues. 

He sets his glass down and opens the refrigerator and takes out a bottle of water that he hands over to her. 

“Ugh, how romantic,” she rolls her eyes, finishing it in a few gulps. 

“I have to go to work,” he tells her, frustrated that she’s being stubborn about not leaving when he no longer seems to want her around. 

“Actual work, or, you know, work?” She says, gesturing towards you.

You make the mistake of looking at her smug face, the insinuation not lost on you. It’s insane how she can just make claims like that, and you feel that just like you, Jungkook’s getting pissed.

“Can you just leave?” He says much more sternly now. “I can’t start my day with you still here.”

“Ooh, how rude,” she giggles. “Should’ve expected you’d be like that even outside of bed. I like that.”

She walks back to the room, leaving you and Jungkook on your own. You continue to work on his eggs while he stands by the counter, rubbing his temples. You’re unsure if it’s because of her or from last night’s alcohol, but you get aspirin and also a bottle of energy drink and set them in front of him before returning to preparing his meal. 

The woman comes back shortly in last night’s attire then walks towards Jungkook.

“I’m leaving,” she announces, tilting his chin so he would face her. “I’ll see you again, yeah?”

Jungkook turns away and does not respond, leaving her to laugh as if there’s a joke that only she’s in on.

“Going all quiet on me now, huh?” She says. “You weren’t like that last night. I can still hear your moans, actually. Fuck, they sounded so good and so loud.”

You almost hit your finger as you slice the apple, clearly not expecting for this stranger to say something so intimate, knowing there’s another person in the room with them. You don’t know if she wants to intimidate you for whatever reason or maybe just make you feel uncomfortable. Whatever it is, it’s working, as you’re unable to focus on the task at hand now. 

Jungkook still doesn’t say anything, and it’s what prompts her to finally say goodbye. 

“Fine, I’ll leave now,” she whines. “But that was an amazing first time. I hope it won’t be the last.”

Her giggle annoys you for some reason, even more when you mistakenly look her way. Her smug face unnerves you as she holds your gaze while she says, “I’ll see you again, okay? I’ll make sure you’ll scream my name next time,” the words obviously directed at Jungkook. 

She finally exits the penthouse but she doesn’t take the tension with her because in this large apartment with you and him, you feel a little too hot, a little too alert, yet somehow a little too curious.

Jungkook groans now as he finishes his energy drink, and he doesn’t know what he’s more frustrated about - the fact that the woman whose name he doesn’t remember didn’t go home, or that you’d found out about it in the most embarrassing way and he’d done nothing to stop her attempts at making you feel uncomfortable because that’s definitely what she was doing. 

He doesn’t know how it affected you but even he can tell that it wouldn’t have been good. Not that he’s ashamed of his lifestyle but it’s different when you, of all people, get to see what that looks like. You did see the laced underwear on his kitchen floor last week, and he knows you definitely tried to pretend you hadn’t. Perhaps the image of arrogant, playboy Jungkook just solidified in your head and the fact that maybe that’s what you think of him is making him feel uneasy. 

Not that he cares about what you think - he definitely does not - but he just doesn’t want that to affect how you would treat him in a professional sense, as if he’s some reckless man who works too hard and parties much harder, even if that’s kind of what he does. 

The hangover doesn’t help at all; he shouldn’t have chugged that wine while the woman was giving him head, which was amazing, he reminds himself. He just knows he won’t be seeing her again after this morning because she’d been stubborn and shameless, and definitely not because of how she spoke to you and the insinuations she made.

“Mr. Jeon, your breakfast is ready,” you inform him, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

He takes a seat on the table and you sit next to him, taking out your iPad to start your rundown of last Friday’s meeting and this week’s schedule. 

“So—”

“Wait, give me a minute,” he stops you, and he realizes just how little sleep he actually got and he’s gonna have to push through today’s busy schedule despite feeling physically out of it. 

“Okay, sir,” you say softly.

He munches on his toast with his eyes closed, and when he opens them, his gaze falls on you, sitting upright on the chair looking clean and proper in your blush blouse and beige skirt. You seem to be reviewing the reports from last week, your eyebrows scrunched as you scribble on the screen. He knows you took the hours-long trip to and from Daegu over the weekend; the visit, just like any, must have been tiring. Yet you come to his place everyday without fail, ready to do what he needs you to do, and he doesn’t even know if you’ve had anything to eat yet. 

“Have you had breakfast?” He asks.

“E-excuse me?”

“Breakfast. Have you had it?”

“O-oh. Yes, I had some crackers and fruit on the way. I ate on the bus,” you respond.

He remembers your address from your staff profile. You live about 40 minutes from him, almost double if you commute. You come at 6:30 everyday, so he can only imagine what it’s like for you every morning. 

“Why don’t you drive?”

“I don’t have a car, sir.”

“Shouldn’t that be part of your contract? Or a benefit of some sort?”

“It isn’t. I believe only the CEO’s assistant does,” you respond. 

“Bitna has a company car.”

“Ms. Jung requested that when she was still President.”

“Then I’ll request one for you. It's… it’s too early. And you can’t always be assured of public transportation. There could be delays. Or an emergency that would require you to drive.”

Of course, he’d want you to get a car so that you’re more accessible to him. Just when you thought there’s actually a bit of his heart working this time, he reminds you why there isn’t.

“That’s true, but nothing has happened so far. And there are other options should there be,” you say. “I also don’t know how to drive so there is no need, Mr. Jeon. I leave my apartment early enough to make sure I get here on time, and I’ll let you know if I will be late.”

Jungkook just hums, even if there’s more he wants to know. What about late nights? What if there’s a storm? Well, he does know - he did see you miss out on taxis and then just walk last Tuesday; he wonders how you got home then, and how many hours of sleep you had after all that. 

He lets it go; it’s too early to think about this.

“Good. We can run through the minutes now,” he says.

So you do, stating the points and confirming your actions for each one and then noting down his as well. You try to focus, and you’re able to for the most part, but it’s not easy when he sits just a few feet away from you, with his bare arms propped on the table that’s just hard to look away from. 

You’ve always liked tattoos on other people, and the art on his right arm looks so delicate and personal; you wonder what someone like him would value enough to ink permanently on his skin. Even his untouched arm is mesmerizing, toned like every other part of him, with beauty marks that you spot as well. It doesn’t help that his slightly long hair keeps falling over his eyes, prompting him to comb them with his fingers every time. 

What also doesn’t help are the woman’s words from earlier, as she’d managed to make you think of Jungkook in a very different way, given her descriptions of how he’d been last night. You don’t know what she intended by doing that, but you didn’t miss her insinuations about your relations with him, which are definitely far from the truth. Learning that he’s rough and loud in bed is also knowledge that you could’ve done without. Somehow, he sounds like how he looks - expressive of negative emotions, and the type to drain the other person. 

He also sounds like the guys you’ve slept with.

The thought alarms you. These are things you shouldn’t be thinking about your boss, about the man who pays you, about the one who makes you miss meals and buses and who makes you angry because of how he treats you. 

You try to dispel these ideas by coughing - the loud sound helps, and you also want to distract yourself from how distracted you are at your task because somehow he keeps getting more and more attractive after every glance. 

He stands up, and just when you thought he’d be angry after your disruption, he surprises you by placing a glass of water in front of you.

“You can drink, you know? You can make yourself a cup of coffee. You can even cook yourself breakfast if it’s just crackers you eat in the morning,” he says. 

Yes, you think to yourself. You’ve been wanting to try his coffee because of the fancy machine but breakfast sounds… too domestic. 

“Thank you, but I’m okay. I mean, the snacks fill me up just fine.”

“It’s not proper breakfast, though,” he argues. 

“With all due respect, sir, eating takes time away from all the things I have to do. I manage just fine.”

Expecting an annoyed expression from him because you did just imply that you do too much, you instead see the tiniest hint of guilt on his face, as if he actually feels bad that you’re unable to take care of yourself because of him. 

“You’re not a servant, Ms. Cho. You’re not disallowed to do basic things just because of your job.”

“You have standards, Mr. Jeon,” you say, throwing his words back at him. You don’t expect to see his face fall a little, and you’re surprised that you seem to care. “I need to meet them, and I’m still familiarizing myself with how you want things done, and that takes time. I don’t mean to imply that you treat me like a servant because you don’t. I just… I want to be able to do things right and I’m still learning.”

The words hit Jungkook. He knows he’d been too critical during these first weeks, and that’s more because he’s unable to manage the initial attraction that he’s trying so hard to temper. He could’ve gone on correcting you constructively, with no need for harshness the way he did with Lucas when he started. 

You’ve also been doing this for a few years. You’ve been working for the VP’s office longer than he has - you know the people and the processes more, yet you’re the one claiming you need to learn and do things right. Even he thinks his father, whom he never thought was the best at looking out for his people, wouldn’t be angry at those below him for irrational reasons. Somehow he thinks he’s worse than his old man now. 

But the word sorry isn’t in his vocabulary. He’d rarely ever said it, and the only reason he’d heard it a lot growing up was because people caused his inconvenience, and not because they’d hurt his feelings. He doesn’t know what that’s like - forgiving and wanting to be forgiven. They’re foreign to him, but somehow those are what you’re making him want to know. 

“I—”

“Can we move on, Mr. Jeon?” You interrupt him. “You have a scheduled check-in with your father before the 8:30 team meeting.”

“Right, that’s today,” Jungkook says, letting go of any form of apology he could muster. 

He nods then stands up to head to his bathroom, and you follow shortly after to arrange his outfits for the week. You clean up in the kitchen after and wait for him to come out, with you reflexively walking up to him to fix his tie and make sure all the creases on his clothes are fixed. 

Jungkook tries to remain still as you, like everyday, make sure he looks proper. It always took him a long time to get ready because he used to do all this on his own, but with you taking on the unofficial stylist role - which he admits you do a great job at - he’s relieved of that added stress of looking the part of a Vice President. It just also means that every morning, he has to look unaffected as you stand close to him like this, with you tightening his tie and your fingers grazing his clothed chest.

You smell like roses. It feels warm and nostalgic, like it’s familiar but also something new. It’s refreshing on you, and it wafts through his nose and paralyzes him a little. He tries to hold his breath like always, only briefly glancing at your focused eyes as you make sure he looks impeccable. 

He’s caught off guard when you look up and meet his gaze. He doesn’t react, but he does linger and surprisingly, so do you. He wants to apologize but he doesn’t know how to. He just hopes you feel it somehow with how he looks at you; he’d like to think you do, as you gently bow and step back, taking your things to go down. 

You go through his schedule while in the car, noting his dinner meetings and that the food tasting for next month’s event with the art industry professionals that you’re both organizing has been moved to next week, freeing up his Thursday lunch hour.

“I’ll schedule my visit at Taehyung’s tailor shop that day then,” Jungkook states. “I’ll have a few suits done.”

“Noted, Mr. Jeon,” you reply, adjusting his calendar. 

He doesn’t say anything after. He takes his leather notebook and sketches like he often does, looking out his window only a few times as he’s engrossed in his drawings. Even with all that he is, you can’t deny Jungkook’s talent. You only know he took an architecture course but you don’t know if he actually practices it. 

You start to wonder if Jungkook wanted that to be his profession but couldn’t pursue it because he’s expected to manage the company with his cousin. You wonder if he’d always been into drawing and the arts, if it was an outlet the way reading picture books was for you; you’d wanted to become an illustrator but your mother couldn’t afford drawing classes and that profession just didn’t seem like it could sustain you financially. You wonder what Jungkook thinks when he sketches and what his subjects are, if he feels at peace the way he looks, if he hopes he could just spend his days doing this. 

The seeming warmth in your thoughts about this man concerns you, prompting you to turn away from his direction and stare out the window instead. You remind yourself that this is the same person who’d made the past two weeks miserable for you; he doesn’t deserve warmth from you in any form, even if, for the briefest moment earlier after you fixed his tie, that’s what you gave him. You learned that he’s quite mesmerizing when he doesn’t talk or when he isn’t scowling. You also learned you’re quite quick to fall into it when you let your guard down a little. 

You groan internally. There’s a lot you don’t know about him and you don’t really care to know more; what you know is enough to put you off anyway. And so these moments of weakness - of curiosity, of concern -  should not happen again. 

Except, they do happen, over an hour later after Jungkook returns to his room from his check-in with his father. He sits on his chair, his eyes closed and jaws clenched, unmoving for a good few minutes, and you watch from your seat, wondering what transpired that’s got him this disturbed. 

It happens again an hour later. He moved the team meeting to the afternoon and he’s now furiously typing on his desktop, making calls, sketching, making calls again, then sitting still with his eyes closed once more. Hoseok walks in, merely nodding at you, then enters the room and speaks with the younger man. Jungkook closes the blinds, and you’re left to wonder what’s going on behind closed doors and what’s got him angry and frustrated.

You take your chance at finding out when Hoseok emerges, asking him if everything’s okay, if Jungkook is okay.

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Hoseok says, a half smile on display, something you’re only a tad familiar with. “He’ll manage.”

He rushes out, saying he has a meeting to get to, and you nod, glancing at the closed door and blocked window, wondering what troubles Jungkook is handling on his own. If it’s personal, it’s clearly not your business. But if it’s work-related, then it is. You’re there to make things easier for him, after all. You also don’t want to be surprised and be bombarded by new tasks just in case, so it’s better to know if there’s something you can help in resolving things as well.

You walk in his room then place the ginger lemon tea on his desk, a common home remedy for hangovers, just in case last night’s events are still affecting him. You inform him that you’ve sent the reports already for his sign-off, and he responds that he’ll get to them tomorrow.

Glancing at his drink, he halts his typing to look at you. 

“Do I look hungover to you?” He asks pointedly.

It’s clearly not what you meant, but you suppose the insinuation isn’t what he needs right now. You want to be swallowed by the ground. He was already calm towards you, civil even, and now there’s another reason for him to be upset at you. You wanted to avoid any possibility of that as much as possible, and now you’re here, at the verge of being told off again, just because your stupid brain decided to care the tiniest bit.

“I, uh, no, Mr. Jeon,” you stutter. “I just…”

You don’t have a reason. Clearly, you can’t tell him that he hasn’t seemed okay all morning - whatever that means - and that just in case it’s last night’s alcohol affecting him, there’s a cure. You stare back at him with worry, but instead of challenging or questioning you, he just sits back with his eyes closed again and dismisses you. 

“You may leave,” he instructs. 

“What about lunch, sir?” You ask. 

You’d never cared before, why the change now? 

“I’m fine,” he responds. “Call me when the meeting’s about to start.”

Your stubborn self takes the box of biscuits from the coffee table and places it in front of him. You’re pushing it, you think, but there’s a meeting he’ll be leading and he can’t be unfocused; when he is, it’s all the worse for you. 

He doesn’t react and you walk out. When you enter an hour later to call him, you spot the empty cup and the crumbs on the saucer, and you can’t help the tiny smile that you make internally.

It’s short-lived though, as that whole afternoon, he acts unusually - he barely makes comments at updates, he doesn’t make eye contact, and doesn’t ask further questions. He just nods when you say you’re heading out at 6PM, giving you no added tasks to keep you from leaving.

You enter his penthouse the next morning to the banging of leather hitting leather, prompting you to jerk from the loud sounds. He’s grunting and panting heavily, and you just know that whatever it was that transpired yesterday, he’s releasing all his emotions right now, through this. 

He exits the gym and walks to the counter where you are, finishing the water you laid for him in three gulps. 

“Do you need that tended to?” You ask. 

He looks surprised. You gesture towards his hands and he looks at his bruised knuckles; he really let it all out this morning, it seems. 

“I’m fine,” he shrugs. 

You didn’t think those two words from him would ever make you feel discouraged, but one thing you’ve come to learn about Jungkook is that he easily expresses his anger and frustration towards other people. It’s when he keeps things in that they seem more serious, and you wonder what words he heard yesterday that might have made him this closed off, this quiet, this much more distant.

But fortunately, your feeling of worry fades with each day that passes, as he slowly returns to his normal self after - the focus, the perpetually serious look, the attention to detail, the sketching on his notebook. Perhaps Jungkook just needed a particular kind of release and he’s maybe handling things better now. 

For his sake and yours, you wish the issue has been resolved, otherwise another blow up might happen and that wouldn’t be good for your newfound dynamic that’s a lot more civil than anything. 

It’s Thursday when you get a call at 5 in the morning, just as you’ve woken up to get ready for work, and Mr. Ri’s voice greets you on the other end.

“Hi, ___. How are you this morning?”

“Hi, Mr. Ri,” you yawn, curious as to why he’s checking up on you this early. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” he hums. “I was instructed by Mr. Jeon to pick you up today.”

“Why would CEO Jeon ask that?” You wonder, as you sleepily walk to the bathroom to wash up.

“He didn’t. Jungkook did.”

You stop on your tracks. You don’t recall being informed about this, nor do you know of any particular reason why you should be at his place so soon.

“Oh, uhm, okay. I should be ready in–”

“I’ll be there in about 50 minutes,” Mr. Ri interjects. “Sleep in a bit more and have some breakfast. I’ll see you shortly.”

You try not to think about what prompted Jungkook to have you picked up, so you focus on getting ready and then whipping yourself some fried rice using the leftover seafood from last night. You won’t lie, it tastes delicious. It might be that you just haven’t had proper weekday breakfast in a while, but it could also be that you’re energized enough and not pressed for time that you’re able to make this as good as it is. 

You decide to bring some to Jungkook’s place just in case you get there late. Sure, Mr. Ri will be driving you, but you don’t know how the traffic is at this time, and this change in schedule is somewhat making you anxious. But then again, there’s always bread or cereal for him to eat; you just think that a little act of thanks wouldn’t be so bad.

Mr. Ri arrives exactly 50 minutes later and he assures you that he’ll get you to the penthouse in half an hour. You trust him of course; he’s been with the Jeons for decades and he knows these streets like the back of his hand. Seated in the passenger seat, you try to figure out what about today has got your boss a little kinder than usual. 

“I arrived five minutes late yesterday,” you wonder out loud. “Is that why? He has a meeting with a local artist in the morning and he doesn’t want me to be late. That should be it. Ugh, stupid,” you groan. “I should’ve taken the first bus I saw, but it was so full and–”

“___,” Mr. Ri stops you. “Five minutes isn’t much. Plus, you always arrive 10 minutes before 6:30 and then just wait at the lobby. I don’t know why you do, you could always just go up to the penthouse when you get there, you know?”

“No, I don’t. Mr. Jeon has boundaries and clearly likes keeping his distance. Going to his penthouse before I’m supposed to be there feels like I’m intruding,” you argue.

“You’re literally his assistant, and you go to his bedroom and his closet, fix his things, prepare his meals… there’s no intrusion happening,” Mr. Ri counters. “I know the man. He’ll probably just look at you curiously then go about his routine.”

“Well, since you know him so well, then why did he have me picked up this morning?”

There’s a brief silence before the man next to you responds.

“He did note that you were late for the first time, but that wasn’t his issue,” Mr. Ri says, appeasing you before you react negatively and think that your tardiness was a big deal. “He asked if I knew how you got to Hoseok’s place before and I said you would just take the bus; it was closer to your place so it was fine. They have someone to make his breakfast, too, so you didn’t need to come early; plus, you only went every Monday.”

“What a change, huh?” You attempt to poke fun at yourself and the new arrangement you’re in. 

Not that you’re complaining; you know of other executive assistants who do much more for their bosses and what you have with Jungkook isn’t even that bad. But it is quite the shift compared to what you did for Hoseok. You’ve figured out your own routine, though. And the commute isn’t always terrible, for as long as you’re not one of the unlucky ones, given the recent incidents. 

“It’s quite the change. I don’t think he realized that until yesterday. He also asked me if I know if you eat properly in the morning. Maybe he thinks you don’t?”

“I’ve skipped meals…” you trail. “And well, I told him that I just eat crackers on the bus. Maybe he thinks I’m losing focus some days.”

“Maybe he’s just concerned.”

You snort at the absurdity of the statement. 

Mr. Ri sighs. He knows that Jungkook hasn’t been his best self since he arrived in Seoul, and especially towards you. He’s noticed the young man’s indifference, the occasional passive remark, the frustrated looks, and the tension every morning. He’s noticed your faraway eyes, too, your constant anxiety, and unusual lack of confidence in your usual tasks, given that you look to be second-guessing everything you do. 

As someone who’s worked for the Jeons for so long and who’d watched Jungkook grow up, he’s used to the detachment, but it was always because the young man often lived in his own head. There are always lots of thoughts and ideas, and lots of feelings he keeps bottled in. 

But he’s also seen Jungkook’s kindness that he doesn’t always show, the guilt and anger that restrain him from expressing his emotions, and the care that he seems to put a brake on when he shows too much of it to someone, and so it isn’t much of a surprise to him to him when the young man gave this specific instruction to pick you up, not just today but everyday moving forward.

“The news on the radio reported on the robberies and complaints of sexual harassment against female commuters last night,” Mr. Ri continues. “They attack at any hour now. I’m sure that’s why. He wants me to drive you home everyday, too.”

“Mr. Ri, that’s too much,” you protest. “That’s not part of my contract and it isn’t his responsibility.”

“Maybe, precisely why I think he’s concerned. It isn’t about making sure you’re not late to work or anything. He’s worried that something might happen to you. And I agree. It isn’t safe, ___.”

“It’s not safe for me anywhere. I just… it’s too much,” you sigh. “I don’t need this kind of service. I’m not entitled to it.”

“He’ll insist though. Will you argue with him over your own security? I mean, it’s either this or he’ll pay for your driving lessons and then request for a car for you to use.”

You sigh, knowing he has a point. You don’t think you deserve it but you also can’t deny that the concern makes you feel a certain kind of way for him; gratitude, for one, and something else you can’t exactly name. 

“Okay,” you say softly. 

“Good. It’s about time he makes it up to you,” he chuckles. “Boy’s been a brat these past weeks. I wanted to just knock some sense into him.”

“Hmm, not like I expected any less,” you huff. “He just looked grumpy or disinterested during the times I’ve seen him before. Unhappy people like that aren’t always the kindest. Has he always been that way?”

“I wouldn’t say he has. I mean, he just wasn’t joyful or expressive, not like his brother. Jungkook liked to keep to himself; Hoseok often tried to push him out of his comfort zone but the boy wouldn’t really budge. I think as he grew up, that just amplified. People who prefer being alone have their reasons, don’t they?”

They do. You know this just like anyone, perhaps as much as Jungkook. It’s comfortable being alone; there’s no one to hurt you and no one you could hurt. You wonder if his reason is the same, and if, like you, he feels the loneliness creep in every once in a while. 

You nod in silence and the conversation doesn’t continue until you arrive at Jungkook’s building. You have five minutes to get to his unit and you get there in three. When you enter, you hear grunting from the gym, and it’s shortly after when he exits and drinks the glass of water on the counter.

“What’s that?” He gestures at the plastic container next to you.

“It’s fried rice. I made it this morning because I had time to eat breakfast at home,” you say, softly smiling and then bowing at him to show your gratitude. Whatever his reason is, the act was appreciated. 

“And you’re gonna eat again?”

“I was actually–”

You stop midway. You actually meant to serve it to him in case you arrived late, which you realize is pretty ridiculous. 

“Actually what?” He asks, leaning forward on the counter now, with his bare arms from his tank top blinding you a little. 

“I didn’t know what time I was gonna get here so I thought as a last resort, I’ll bring this to heat up and serve to you but then I realized that that’s pretty stupid because it’s leftovers and definitely not high-quality ingredients and it’s… just silly. Plus, you don’t eat rice in the morning.”

With his scrunched brows, he asks, “is it good?”

“It’s pretty delicious,” you say. “I mean, I liked it. I don’t know how sophisticated your palate is… Mr. Jeon.”

You smack yourself internally for rambling. 

“What’s that got to do with anything? If it’s good, then it’s good.”

“I’m an ordinary person, Mr. Jeon. I have normal people’s taste buds.”

“So that makes me, what? Abnormal?”

“No… I–” you unknowingly pout. You shouldn’t have brought this in the first place. 

Jungkook is disarmed again at the sight of your pouty face. If this is your way of thanking him for this morning, he’ll take it. The fact that you’d brought something you cooked from your own place to feed to him is already enough to make him feel hazy, which is why he needs to get away from you right away.

“Just heat it up. I’ll have that. There’s not much food in here anyway,” he says, walking away, leaving you no room to resist.

You do as you’re told, not wanting to overthink and change anything. You do check the cupboard and see a stashed pantry, and you wonder if he’d wanted to find something to criticize about your cooking, too. 

He walks in and lets you fix his tie again, and for some reason, you feel more nervous than you normally do today. You sit and busy yourself with responding to emails as he eats his breakfast, careful not to look at him while he does.

“It’s good, a little better than how I do mine,” he says, surprising you.

“You cook?” You ask too quickly.

“Of course,” he frowns, looking a little offended. “I lived on my own for years. How do you think I survived?”

“Hiring people to do it for you,” you shrug. 

Peeking at him once again, you see that he’s almost finished with the dish, and you can’t help the little smile on your face at the thought that he might actually enjoy it. It’s just fried rice, but you let yourself feel the shallow happiness from this. He’s at least not berating you or anything.

He finishes his meal as you go through yesterday’s meetings. There’s not much about the Arts Center he says, just like yesterday and the day before, and you start to wonder if the issue with his father has anything to do with that. 

You let it go, opting to just follow his pace and let him talk about it when he’s ready, if he ever will be. 

The morning goes by smoothly. Jungkook meets with Yoongi in his office then reviews the reports you’d sent last Monday. He sends you an email, saying that they’ve been approved and for you to attach his signature for sign-off and dissemination, leaving you perplexed at the lack of any other comments again. 

He goes for a quick lunch at the dining hall while you eat a sandwich at the pantry, and not long after, you’re back in the car to head to Jungkook’s appointment with his best friend.

Kim Taehyung’s tailor shop boasts of classic European design. It’s elegant in all the ways that he is, as he stands by the desk in his working space, a smaller room on the mezzanine floor with an exquisite couch and displays of his work. He’s donned in an orange suit that you think only he can pull off, while his brother, Seokjin, sits on a chair in an impeccable black 3-piece. 

You know as much that Jungkook grew up with both men, but while the brothers are often a hot topic on the news because of their wealth, their successful businesses, and colorful dating lives, you now wonder how Jungkook managed to stay out of the spotlight despite being a lot of the things that they are. 

You bow at them after Jungkook introduces you as his assistant, and you’re surprised when Seokjin reaches out his hand to shake yours, bowing as well and offering you a kind smile. Taehyung does the same, and you can’t help but feel the warmth on your cheeks. They’re clearly incredibly handsome men with amazing styles, just like your boss, but they’re obviously respectful and gentle, unlike him. 

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Cho,” Taehyung smiles. “So, what events do I need to dress my best friend for?”

He looks warm, friendly, and you can’t help but mirror his smile as he offers you a seat and some tea. You take out your calendar and enumerate at least three big events in the next months, which would require standout designs. Jungkook also wants four additional everyday classic suits, and Taehyung starts sketching on his pad as you speak. 

“Make one for my event, too,” Seokjin says. “I’m launching my traditional alcohol brand in Singapore in September. It’ll be a big thing so Jungkook needs a fancy piece for that as well.”

“That soon?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah, it got pushed early,” Seokjin replies.

Jungkook asks you to check his calendar for any activities in the Singapore office, and you state that there’s nothing scheduled during that time. 

“There’s a landscape designer I want to meet while I’m there. Schedule one with her later,” Jungkook instructs you, and you make a note to coordinate with Lucas, who will continue to serve as the assigned assistant for the Vice President’s Southeast Asia trips. 

Taehyung finishes the rough designs quickly, given that he’s already familiar with the style his client wants. He’s done a lot of Jungkook’s suits, which you know from all the weeks of preparing his clothes, and you do admit that he looks best in these custom-made pieces.

As Taehyung takes Jungkook’s measurements - given that, as per his words, Jungkook has gotten wider since the last time - he asks if you have something to wear for those big events, too. 

“Uh, yes,” you say. 

“Are they from company events from before?” Taehyung asks.

You nod shyly. It’s not like you’re paid enough to afford a new one every time nor can you wear them anywhere else; there aren’t exactly regular fancy dinners and social occasions you get invited to.

“Have new ones made, then,” Jungkook says, his back turned to you.

“Uh, there’s no need, Mr. Jeon. The gowns still look new and they’re well-made,” you insist.

“Store-bought?” Taehyung asks, his eyebrow cocked.

“Uh, yes, Mr. Kim.”

“Nothing beats custom-designed ones though. And I must say, I’m kinda good at them.”

“I, uh… it’s really not necessary,” you stutter, feeling a little too shy and definitely undeserving. It’s Kim Taehyung; his name is the brand.

“I believe it is,” Jungkook says now, turning to you. “They’re big events and we’re organizing one with the arts professionals. Some dignitaries will be coming, too, including the culture minister. I’d prefer if you looked the part of working for the Vice President, Ms. Cho. You represent me in that way.”

“I… uh, okay,” you sigh, knowing you don’t seem to be in a position to turn him down. 

“Great. Start thinking of designs, then!” Taehyung beams.

It’s some minutes later when Jungkook’s measurements have been taken and Taehyung calls for you. You sit on the chair facing his desk not far away while Jungkook and Seokjin talk about sports and this new club that opened in Gangnam. 

Seated in front of you, Taehyung takes his sketch pad and starts asking what design you want.

“Something simple and comfortable since I’ll be moving around,” you say softly. “And nothing form-fitting or revealing since, uh…”

“I understand,” Taehyung smiles, revealing a gentle side of him that the paparazzi and tabloids clearly don’t capture. 

He starts drawing your silhouette, glancing at you then at Jungkook before speaking.

“So, he’s been in this role for a few weeks now. Has he been nice?”

“Define ‘nice,’” you respond, earning you a chuckle. 

“I guess that’s my answer, then.”

“I don’t mean to say he isn’t,” you backtrack. “Mr. Jeon just has a different leadership style as Mr. Jung’s, that’s all.”

“I suppose that’s quite a difficult adjustment for you, huh?”

You purse your lips and Taehyung laughs, the soft way he does it is something new and refreshing to you. You didn’t realize how deprived you are of such gentleness, of such acts or sights as simple as a smile. Hoseok is no longer your source. Your team hasn’t been as jolly these past weeks. The only other person you talk to regularly at work is Yoongi, and while he’s definitely been smiling more, it’s a lot more teasing than it is comforting. You’ve been missing your best friends more because of that, you think - Soomin’s smile is blinding, Jimin’s is sweet and infectious. Perhaps it’s why you haven’t been smiling much yourself. 

“I won’t tell, don’t worry,” Taehyung assures you. “I just wanted to check on him. This whole move has been tough but he doesn’t say much. I’m guessing he doesn’t tell you, either, but he’ll definitely show it.”

“He has, actually,” you say softly, knowing now that even with his closest friends, Jungkook tends to keep things to himself. “He’s pretty stressed most days, always working and stuff. He’s been a little hard on me but I guess that’s a natural reaction for some.”

“That’s not an excuse though.”

“It isn’t, but… it’s okay. I can handle it.”

It’s not as much of a lie anymore as it used to be. Jungkook hasn’t been overly critical about things as he was just last week. He rarely makes comments on your minutes now, doesn’t correct the reports you reviewed, doesn’t talk over you or doesn’t yell. There’s been a change, definitely, and you wonder what triggered it. 

“He doesn’t really smile, does he?” You ask, your curiosity getting the better of you.

Taehyung’s laughter is one of disbelief and pure amusement, catching the attention of the other two men but he waves them off. 

“He still does, just not as much,” he responds. “It kinda stopped after the breakup with Chaerin but I guess that’s what heartbreak does, right?”

“I… wouldn’t know. I’ve never experienced it,” you shrug.

“Lucky,” he hums. “I don’t wish it on anyone.”

You glance at Jungkook, briefly letting yourself imagine a version of him that’s a lot more carefree, relaxed, perhaps happy. Maybe it’s the loneliness and that you’d understand; that, you’ve experienced. It’s both liberating and isolating. You wonder if that’s how he’s been feeling all these years since then.

“I’m done,” Taehyung announces, showing you three designs that are exactly what you asked for. 

“These look nice. And way out of my price range,” you laugh.

“Perks of having a rich boss,” he winks. “I don’t want you to worry about anything, okay? You’re my client and I want you to wear these with confidence. Now, if you’re okay with all this, I’ll get one of my female assistants to get your measurements.”

You nod in response. There’s absolutely nothing you would change about those designs. And if you’re being honest, you now can’t wait for those events just so you could wear them. Hoseok had obviously paid for the gowns you had to wear for the big events, but those were store-bought that A-yeong helped you choose. Some were your own purchases, but this is the first time that you’re getting measured for custom-made clothing designed by Kim Taehyung. 

You walk towards the fitting room at the corner where one of his staff meets you. She’s meticulous, which is why it takes longer than usual just to get this done. With her silence, however, you’re able to hear the conversation happening outside, with the brothers now asking Jungkook about the same thing you’ve been wondering about.

“By the way, what was up with you last Monday?” Seokjin asks. “I thought that was gonna be night 4 of you going home with a new woman. But you passed out before you could even ask. And that was just 9PM.”

“Four nights isn’t much, though,” Taehyung laughs. “Didn’t he do that with seven women on seven straight nights when he was in Singapore? That was wild. Was it that stressful there? Or were there just so many to choose from?”

“Shut up. I’m not proud of that,” Jungkook groans. “And that was one time. It never happened again.”

“It never happened seven times straight again,” Seokjin corrects. “You were really living your life out there, huh? Stressful job, a rooftop bar in your apartment building, chauffeur and butler services 24/7, women from all over the world begging to sleep with you…”

“It’s called the post-break up stage,” Taehyung says. 

“For six years?!” Seokjin asks incredulously. “It’s either you loved Chaerin that much, you blamed yourself too much, or you just really sucked at moving on.”

“I vote all of the above,” Taehyung states.

“Me, too,” Seokjin claims.

“Fuck you both,” Jungkook groans again. 

“I think he also just missed us too much,” Seokjin adds. “Lucas was cleaning up your messes every time, not snapping you out of it. But we’re here now so I guess three straight nights is as far as you’ll go.”

“Two, if you stopped me last Sunday,” Jungkook points out. “You both always insisted that Sundays are a no-no. You were too busy with your own women.”

“May we remind you that you didn’t even make it to our table. You stepped foot in the bar then left five minutes later,” Taehyung says. “But really, what was it about Monday? You seemed angrier than usual.”

“Just… a bunch of things my father said,” Jungkook huffs.

“Did he tell you off again?”

“Not really, surprisingly. He just delivered a message basically, about what the board members were saying about me and my project. Bullshit stuff, you know? I just wanted to forget about it.”

“Did you?”

“Sorta,” Jungkook says. “I still don’t want to talk about it.”

“But it’s still happening, right?” Taehyung asks worriedly. “The Arts Center, I mean. You’ve been wanting to work on that since the building was abandoned five years ago.”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook responds. “I guess. We already put money into it. I’ll just have to make concessions if my father doesn’t side with me on this. I hate to think he’s buying into what those old folks are saying.”

“Ms. Cho, we’re all done,” the staff member tells you, muffling the conversation outside that you couldn’t help but hear. 

It felt quite intrusive, hearing how life was like for Jungkook in Singapore, but then again, his personal life seemed to be the topic in the office comfort rooms, and you don’t know how to feel about getting confirmation about those rumors. It felt sad more than anything though, living that kind of life away from friends and family. You wouldn’t know what moving on from a breakup feels like, but you suppose people grieve a lost love in their own ways; you can’t blame them for how they choose to repair the parts of them that broke. 

But the bit about his conversation with his father is what bothers you. You’d hate to think that there’s a possibility that Jungkook’s plans won’t be fully realized, and whatever the reasons for that are, you hope they didn’t break his spirit too much. You know the plans now like the back of your hand and the more you learn, the more you believe in it. You hope Jungkook continues to believe in it, too.

You exit the fitting room, catching the end of a conversation where Seokjin suggests a wholesome weekend for the three men of just dinner and drinks. The two other men agree, and they all turn to you once you make your presence felt.

“All good?” Taehyung asks you.

“Yes,” you bow in thanks. 

“Great. The gowns will be ready at the same time as Jungkook’s suits will be. I’ll just let you guys know, okay?

“Sure,” Jungkook says. “But anyway, we have to get back to work. Thanks again.”

The brothers bid you and Jungkook goodbye, and you head back to the office with not much words said. Jungkook seems less frustrated, but the worry you feel suddenly returns. It’s the thought that maybe he doesn’t feel supported, that maybe what he’s doing isn’t enough, and that more than that, it's him choosing to deal with all this on his own, not even looking to his friends to comfort him.

Jimin and Soomin meet you for lunch at a restaurant that Saturday afternoon. The drive from Busan took longer than expected, they said, but you say you don’t mind. They’re visiting you like they always do every month, regardless of how busy they are back in their hometown, which was your home for a few years, too.

You were in the same class; your mom worked at the school, which was the only reason why you were able to attend a prestigious one in the first place. Even when you moved back to Daegu, you remained in touch with them. Despite the distance, none of you wanted to just let the friendship fade, and even when they had to stay back and you made a life out here in Seoul, they made sure to visit you as much as they could.

They’re why you were excited for the weekend to come and now, you’ll be enjoying a hearty meal, getting your nails done after, lounging at your apartment, and then heading to a club for a night out, which you only do whenever they’re around. 

“So, has the boss situation improved?” Soomin asks, her eyes soft and laced with worry “Or should I storm the jerk’s house and give him a piece of my mind?”

“It has,” you chuckle. “So no need to call him names or fight anyone. I’m okay.”

“Well, you did call him a grumpy old grinch with nice hair the other week,” Jimin points out. “So… did he get a haircut?”

“No,” you laugh again. “And that was in the heat of the moment. I… I mean, he’s still grumpy but he’s not… as grumpy or unbearable. He’s been—”

“Oh hun, please don’t say he’s been kind and then give him a pass for how he’s been to you,” Soomin reprimands. “Mean people don’t just become nice all of a sudden. And if they do, that’s a controlling tactic - they want you to think they’re capable of change so you’ll soften up to them and then give them a pass every time they do asshole-y things again.”

“You watch too many shows,” you frown, although knowing her statement isn’t wrong; it’s just not something you can relate with Jungkook.

Sure, he hasn’t been the nicest, but he also hasn’t been the meanest. He’s just been… him, you suppose - a bit in the middle; frustrated at worst, quiet at best, stoic on most days. He does seem to live in his head a lot, and while you won’t go so far as characterizing him as kind, he definitely hasn’t been insufferable these past few days. 

“I’ve just dealt with too many assholes, ___,” Soomin corrects. “They’re all the same. Men are shit.”

“Except for Jimin,” you correct.

“Except for Jimin,” she concurs. 

“I accept the honor,” he bows. “But seriously, ___. How has it been? You… you seemed really sad last week and I would’ve driven here then if we didn’t have that work emergency.”

“I’m okay, I mean it. I’ve experienced worse,” you try to assure them.

“You do know that having experienced something worse doesn’t mean it’s fine for you to experience something bad again, right?” Soomin points out.

“I know, but it also means that I know my threshold for bad behavior,” you say. “Jungkook was in a lot of stress and I did mess up. But I think he’s making up for that.”

“By apologizing, you mean?” Soomin cocks an eyebrow.

Your sigh tells her that’s definitely not what Jungkook has done. 

“Well, he approves my minutes and reviewed reports much quicker,” you reason. “And he doesn’t comment as much. But actually, I think he just pities me. And that’s worse.”

“Why would he pity you?” She asks.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I said that a tree fell on our roof and that mom got injured the weekend before my mishap,” you explain. “And then he found out how early I start my day just so I can get to him on time. He’s made adjustments after those and I… I think he’s guilty or something. And he’s just not being his usual angry self around me to make it up to me.”

“So in short, he’s still kind of an asshole,” Soomin says, prompting Jimin to snort and you to pout. “He could always just apologize if he’s guilty and realized he should treat you better.”

“Some things aren’t easy for other people to say, you know?” You say softly. 

“That’s not an excuse,” she points out.

“It’s an explanation,” you counter. “Or one of them, I guess. I don’t know him well enough, but it’s better to think that he’s a decent person who just struggles with emotions than someone who willingly makes people’s lives difficult. I mean, that’s easier to manage and accept.”

“If that helps you deal and he’s indeed improving, then maybe I won’t have to storm his place then,” she smiles, taking your hand and kissing it as she likes to do. 

She knows your habit of pressing your nails onto your skin, and she always said she likes to remind you that you deserve gentleness, too; she’ll give it if you can’t give it to yourself. 

The rest of the afternoon goes as you planned, with all the banter you’d expect from your best friends amid the pampering and then the chick flick in the background as you get ready in your tiny apartment. 

You smile at your reflection in the mirror. The high-waist trousers and sleeveless top ensemble is a refreshing sight for you, as you only really dress up like this for a night out. You’re in your usual pencil skirts and blouses otherwise, and in jeans and tops or oversized jumpers on a normal day. 

Soomin’s done your makeup and Jimin compliments you as he looks on, and soon enough, they’re ready as well to head out. 

“Where’re we going?” You ask from the passenger seat as Jimin navigates the busy streets of Seoul on a Saturday night. 

“Some new restaurant the guys discovered,” Soomin responds. “I think it’s not far from here.”

“Okay, good. Hajoon’s been texting, asking what time we’ll get there,” you tell them. 

“Geez, you were already with him last night. Tell him to be patient,” Jimin rolls his eyes. 

Soomin laughs from the backseat as she teases that he’s just being jealous, to which he points out that he just hasn’t seen you in a while so the man can wait. And you assure Jimin that you’d gladly skip a night with Hajoon to be with your best friends, no questions asked. 

You get there eventually, and you immediately spot the group because of the laughter coming from their table. There are four men; the two women are Soomin’s friends, which is how you got involved with Hajoon in the first place. You met some time last year and you’ve been hanging out with him since then - among other things - and you’ve been enjoying it, given the simplicity and lack of drama when he’s not being moody. He’s a warm body who knows how to use it and you’re a good type of relief, as he’d said; there’s really not much more you need as you just try to survive through life and make something out of yourself in however way you can. 

Hajoon waves at you from his seat, gesturing to his left to say he’s saved that spot for you. You head there after greeting your other friends, with Jimin and Soomin following you. 

Right as you sit down and greet the man next to you, you’re caught by surprise when he kisses your cheek and snakes his arm around your waist. 

“Hey, I missed you today,” Hajoon hums, smiling at you the way he did last night and this morning; it definitely wasn’t this sweet when he left for a work trip last month.  

“I… saw you today,” you frown, earning you a chuckle. 

“I know; I was still thinking about you, though,” he says. 

You give a smile - as genuine as you can make it - and then turn towards your friends to your left who are trying to hold in their laughter. 

You order a beer after he offers you a glass of wine, and then go for the pork belly when he says the salmon here is good. 

“Just craving for meat, that’s all,” you tell him. 

“Is there anything else you want? Just let me know, okay?”

You hum your yes and then turn back to your friends after Hajoon makes jokes with his.

“Since when was he this sweet to you?” Soomin whispers with wide, curious eyes. 

“Since never,” you reply. “I mean, we’ve never been affectionate outside of bed…”

“Is anything else different?” Jimin wonders, careful not to bring attention to your conversation.

You look back at how things were before Hajoon left and how it was when he was away. Nothing seemed different. You hung out at his place before he flew out, then you messaged each other every now and then during the one month he was abroad. He was more interested to talk, but given the time difference and the pressure and stress you’ve been under the past weeks, you didn’t bother much, neither did he. 

But you also think back to last night - how he picked you up from your apartment, which he’s never done before, and how he prepared a luxurious dinner. He made you breakfast this morning, too, whereas you both usually just sleep in in tangled limbs and then separate once you wake up.

“He cooked me fancy stuff but I just thought he wanted to show off what he learned during his cooking masterclass,” you shrug. “And well… he seemed sweeter than normal.”

“Maybe he hooked up with someone while he was away and he’s guilty about it,” Jimin suggests.

“He didn’t say anything about it and he knows I wouldn’t mind,” you say. “We’re not exclusive, even if I don’t hang out with other guys.”

“Maybe he’s over the fucking and wants to do the loving bit now,” Soomin offers. “I mean, he always seemed more into you than you were into him.”

“He’s hot and decent when he’s in a good mood; that’s all I need,” you admit. 

“But honestly, that’s probably it,” Soomin continues. “I think he’s hinting that he wants to be more.”

“But I don’t want to,” you whine. “I’m not ready.”

“You’re 30! When are you ever gonna be ready?” Soomin whisper-yells.

“Never!” You pout now. “I mean… Not with him.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to tell him soon, then,” Jimin sighs. “Before it gets messy. And you hate messy.”

“What if men just don’t have feelings?” Soomin wonders out loud. “That way, you can’t hurt them.”

“So that way, they can hurt you?” Jimin points out. “No. I’m not letting any men hurt either one of you, okay? I love you both too much.”

“We know,” you and Soomin say at the same time. 

“But I agree with Jimin, ___. You’re gonna have to let that man next to you, who’s thankfully deaf, go. And then just find another person who can give you what you need,” Soomin continues. “Like, uh…” 

She looks around the semi-packed restaurant to find some random man to just point to, her eyes widening in awe as she spots a table close by with the type of men she was just thinking about. 

“Like them.” 

You laugh at her, not taking her seriously, but still, you look towards the direction of her cocked head, only to feel your throat dry up and your heartbeat speed up. Your eyes widen in reflex as they meet the piercing gaze of the man who’d given you a headache for weeks. He also happens to look unfairly handsome in his white top and slicked back hair. 

“Shit, I would totally go for them,” Soomin adds, “and I only even like men a quarter of the time.”

Your best friends look at you as they wait for a response, only to see a nervous look on your face, as if you’re seeing a ghost or something, and the way you turn to them and stutter almost seems like you are.

From the other table, Jungkook pants quietly. You finally looked his way, and he didn’t know what to expect your reaction to be - maybe a bit of shock, but definitely not this worried. Granted, you’re out with your friends at a restaurant that he and his friends frequent. It’s not the type of place they’d normally go for - this is a lot simpler, less private, and more accommodating than the exclusive restaurants and hotels they go to for dinners before heading to a club. But Jungkook loves their pork belly; he orders it every week, and tonight, he was craving for this specifically before going to a private party of one of Taehyung’s clients. 

Jungkook had seen you when you sat down, and he’d been taken aback when the guy to your right immediately kissed your cheek; it seems he’s barely let go of your waist since then, too. Perhaps the man is your boyfriend - and Jungkook doesn’t know what made him think you wouldn’t have one - but it also seems that the one to your left is into you, too, at least based on how he smiles at you sweetly but rolls his eyes at the affectionate guy to your other side. 

But other than the embarrassing obvious affection that both of them are directing at you, what made him lose his senses is how you look, and you’re even more beautiful than he imagined. Your hair is styled, your makeup is bolder than usual, and he won’t even start with how you’re dressed. It’s a lot more skin than he’s used to - you’re out, after all, and if he’ll go by what your companions are wearing, he supposes this is your stop before heading to some club to party, too. Whereas when you’re at work, you have the skirt and long-sleeved blouse ensemble that you wear everyday - still pretty, perhaps just a lot more reserved than what he’s seeing now. 

He can’t take his eyes off you, even as you entertain your suppose-boyfriend, even when you engage in hushed conversation with the man and woman to your left, and even when you stare back at him, the initial shock now wearing down to a look of curiosity. Perhaps you’re wondering why he keeps glancing at you, too.

“I told you he’s got it bad,” Taehyung laughs from the other side of the table. 

He’s noticed how his friend hasn’t said much in the last 10 minutes, his gaze directed at the loud table close by. One glance and Taehyung knew why. 

“Well, we told him,” Seokjin corrects. “He only ever acts out when he’s threatened and he’s apparently threatened by his pretty assistant.”

“I’m not acting out,” Jungkook scowls, finally breaking the staring contest with you.

“You’ve never been this much of a jerk,” Seokjin says. “So yes, you’re acting out.”

Jungkook ignores them, his eyes turning back to you, and finds you downing two shots of tequila consecutively, then using the beer as your chaser. His knuckles unconsciously clench when your suppose-boyfriend scoots closer, whispering something in your ear, his lips grazing your skin. 

Jungkook exhales deeply, trying to get a grip of himself. He’s acting foolishly. You obviously have a life outside of work, and it obviously includes going out for dinner and drinks with friends, having a boyfriend, and enjoying your youth the way he is. There’s a world outside of the routine you’ve both created, of the silence you both share, and the time you spend together, unknowingly learning about each other without meaning to, without wanting to.

“___,” Soomin calls your name one more time. 

“Huh?” You answer, finally tearing your eyes away from Jungkook, who’d unfortunately captured your attention after you noticed he was there. 

You’ve been used to his impeccable looks in his fancy suits; you’ve even gotten used to his tank top and sweatpants post-workout outfits every morning, and while you’re still not immune to that look, his night out wear fit for a party leaves you more choked up than normal. 

Maybe it’s the black jeans that you spot as he sits on the edge of the couch, or the white button-up top with the rolled sleeves up to his elbow, or his haircut that makes him look a little more mature. Maybe it’s all that and the way he’s gazing at you, the look in his eyes something you can’t quite read. Perhaps like you, he’s surprised to see you here the way you’re shocked that he’d chosen this place to eat; it’s not exactly a fancy restaurant you know he likes eating at. 

But he’s here, and so are you, and suddenly you feel exposed, as if the world outside of work that you’ve kept to yourself is baring open to the man who stands at the center of what you do everyday. And you’re not sure how you feel about that.

“I was just saying… those men are pretty hot and they look interested, too,” Soomin wiggles her eyebrows. “ I mean, they keep looking here.”

“One of them is my boss,” you finally say. “Guy on the right. That’s… uh, that’s Jungkook.”

“Holy fuck, hun,” Soomin chokes on her drink. “Why did you leave out the part about your rude boss being a fucking god?”

“Does it matter?” Jimin scowls. “He’s still rude.”

“It’s different when the guy’s hot. It makes the anger more intense, you know?” Soomin says. “Attractive people elicit more passionate feelings sometimes.”

“Excuse me, that’s not why I was angry,” you pout. “He was really being unfair.”

“Well, he was. But I think my point also applies,” Soomin argues. “I’d just like to warn you that workplace hotties are a menace. Except for Yoongi - he was heaven sent. ”

“Ah, the man who could’ve been,” Jimin sighs. “We at least knew he wouldn’t hurt you. He didn’t seem like the type.”

“Yeah, this dude over here is hot but he’s mean. And that’s your type,” Soomin smirks.

“Can we… not talk about this while he’s there? And while this other dude is right next to me?” You glare at your friends, especially at Soomin whose insinuation wasn’t lost on you. “It’s so… weird.”

“Hey, we’re here for you, okay?” Jimin softens as he looks at you. “Just let us know if one of them makes you feel uncomfortable. We can always just stay at your place and watch horror movies until morning and you and Soomin can lose your voices from screaming and then I’ll lose my hearing because of it.”

His words make you laugh. There’s a tenderness in Jimin that you’ve never heard from anyone else before. Even when he’s telling you to stop yelling because you live for the thrill of a jumpscare, he says it so tenderly while laughing before pulling you both in his embrace. 

“I’m okay. I’m just… I don’t know, probably just not used to seeing him somewhere that isn’t the office or his home,” you reason. “And I feel a bit exposed, I guess. This is my world and his is… right there.”

You wrap your arms around your body subconsciously, realizing only you’d done it when Jimin asks if you’re cold, offering his jacket then taking it back because Hajoon might smack him or something.

You turn it down, knowing you actually feel hot more than anything. You’re dressed up and definitely dressed in less, and somehow having Jungkook see you like this is oddly making you shy, perhaps a little too conscious.

“Just don’t mind him,” Soomin advises. “It’s a restaurant. You obviously have a social life and he can’t fault you for it, nor make you feel weird about it. Just focus on us, okay? Or on Hajoon, if that’ll happen.”

You follow her words and try to block out Jungkook. You do slightly nod at him, as well as at Taehyung and Seokjin just to acknowledge their presence, but you continue on with your meal, as the dishes arrive soon after. 

The pork belly is a winner; you’ll probably come back here for that alone. You do manage to dodge Hajoon’s attempts at feeding you, and your other friends engage with the three of you at the other end of the table. It’s going well for the most part, until Hajoon starts to act a little wary, a little tense.

“Hey,” he says, leaning close to you. “The guy on the other table has been looking at you all night. It’s kinda annoying.”

You glance at Jungkook’s table and he looks away when you do. “Oh, just don’t mind him,” you wave Hajoon off. “Maybe I remind him of someone or something.”

There’s a beat of silence, and you feel him tense even more, as you look up and see that he’s staring down the man on the other side. Hajoon’s had a bit to drink, and you know he tends to be cocky and irrational when he is. You groan once he shakes his head, saying he’s gonna give “that stranger” a piece of his mind because “he can’t be looking at my girl like that.”

The initial annoyance you feel turns into panic once he stands from his seat and storms to the other table. You follow him, with your friends just looking in worry. His friends are more encouraging of what he wants to do though. 

“What the fuck is your problem staring at my girl like that?” Hajoon mumbles, acting all tough when he’s never threatened nor confronted anyone like this, even when he’s drunk. 

Jungkook seems taken aback. Perhaps it’s the aggression he didn’t expect, or maybe it’s finally having to acknowledge your presence in the restaurant, just in an unfortunate way. 

“Your girl?” He scoffs. 

The way the man is speaking to him is quite annoying, but he also knows your boyfriend is slightly drunk, so he dismisses him because Jungkook doesn’t need this drama tonight, especially not in front of you. 

Hajoon hates the way this stranger is looking at him and not taking him seriously. He’d seen how he kept glancing at you, perhaps trying to get your attention away from him, and he’s really had enough. His words are slurring but this is the courage he needs to stand up for you. You’ve said before how unwanted attention makes you uncomfortable, and he’s gonna do something about it before the man gets to try anything with you. 

“Yeah, my girl. You seem to have a problem with that, don’t you?” Hajoon grunts. 

“My only problem is you making a scene right now,” Jungkook shakes his head. “You’re drunk and insecure and you’re embarrassing yourself in front of your girl.”

Not that you expected him to back off, but you didn’t actually think that Jungkook would further press Hajoon’s buttons. The man is drunk and insecure and indeed embarrassing, but getting told so is a blow to the ego, especially in your presence. And so you’re not surprised that this just makes him angrier, and since you’ve never dealt with this version of him before, you don’t know how to pacify him.

You didn’t actually think that Hajoon had a daring bone in his body despite being the way he is, but when he attempts to lunge at Jungkook, you’re left in disbelief. You’re quick enough to pull Hajoon back before he lands a fist on the other man’s face, but he’d been worked up enough that he hits the glass of wine on the table, knocking it over and causing the drink to spill on Jungkook’s thin white top. 

“Mr. Jeon!” You shriek, pulling Hajoon back more forcefully before pushing him to the side so you can get ahead. 

You take the napkin from the table and wipe Jungkook’s wet clothed torso, slowing down immediately as you realize what exactly it is you’re doing. 

“I… uh,” you stutter, standing straight up and mirroring his questioning eyes. 

It was a reflex for you, considering that you constantly make sure that he’s dressed impeccably. 

“You know him?!” Hajoon asks in disbelief, tugging on your hand now so you’ll turn to him.

“He’s my boss, you idiot!” smacking him on the chest as you glare at him. “And you just put my job in jeopardy and for what?”

“Well, what can he do?” Hajoon challenges. “Get you fired because of me? Does he own the company and shit?”

“My father does,” Jungkook responds. “And I’m the Vice President.”

Hajoon just rolls his eyes but you aren’t amused. You glance at your table and gesture for one of his friends to take him, so one of them does. He stands up and pulls Hajoon away before he can do or say anything else.

“I’m so, so sorry, Mr. Jeon,” you say, your head bowed down as you apologize. “I…” 

The mess on his outfit is too much; the red has stained the white top and you know he feels sticky. He looks like he has somewhere to go after this and that makes it worse.

“I– I can call Mr. Ri to get the car in here. I can get extra clothes from your travel bag,” you say, knowing that Jungkook always has a bag filled with clothes for emergency flights or check-ins. 

You get your phone and make a call, telling Jungkook that his chauffeur will be here soon. You glance towards your friends who are still pacifying a drunk Hajoon, and you decide that they can handle all that. Right now, your priority is Jungkook.

You walk out towards the car that’s on hazard mode outside the restaurant and pick out the top that’s most appropriate for a night out, which happens to be a semi-loose black button-up. You head back inside, with Taehyung and Seokjin informing you that Jungkook has gone to the washroom, so you scurry towards there and knock at the door.

“Mr. Jeon, I have your black long sleeves here,” you say as your knuckles tap on the wood. “Just tell me–” 

You’re interrupted by the sudden opening of the door, the sight of Jungkook in his jeans hanging by his waist and his unbuttoned white top catching you by surprise. His hair’s a bit damp and so is his bare torso, as you see that he’s tried to clean the wine off his body. 

You catch yourself looking longer than you should, and you immediately look away as you hand him over what he needs. 

“Please let me know what else you need, sir,” you say, your eyes glued to the pretty wallpaper as you awkwardly stand outside the washroom. 

“Jungkook,” he says, earning him a curious look. “I mean, you don’t need to be formal. We’re not at work.”

You nod, realizing it does sound weird to address him as such in a casual setting. 

“Okay… Jungkook,” you mumble, but even the way it rolls off your tongue is a bit odd. You’re not used to it, and you hope you won’t ever be. 

He closes the door and you take this time to calm yourself down. You’ve been so worried since you saw the glass tip over and mess up his outfit, and given his hot-headedness, you’re a little surprised that he didn’t fight back. He does have a reputation to uphold but even then, stopping himself from punching Hajoon must’ve taken a lot. 

The door opens and you sigh in relief; his outfit still looks good and he’s fully clothed, so there’s no lingering looks this time anymore. You take the top that he gives you, and you take the chance to apologize.

“I’m so sorry,” you start. “I don’t know why he— I mean, he’s a bit drunk and he’s not usually like this.”

“You’re not the one who should apologize so don’t,” he responds. 

“Well, he won’t apologize so I will.”

“You didn’t spill the drink and you didn’t come at me. That was him,” he counters. 

You just shrug, choosing to just concede. “I’ll just return this to Mr. Ri.”

He calls your name before you turn around to leave. 

“I didn’t mean to cause a rift between you and your boyfriend,” he says, much too low and too gentle than you’re used to. “I hope I didn’t ruin anything.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you answer softly. “We just, uh, we just hang out.”

You don’t know why you feel the need to correct this misinformation. Maybe you just want to remind yourself because you’re not anyone’s anything; hearing Hajoon claim you as yours made you want to just create that distance even more.

Jungkook wants to push it, to ask more. The man clearly acts like he’s your lover, given the physical affection and the way he tried to stand up for you. But there’s a bit of shame as you state that you and the man “just hang out,” and there’s that wonder he feels - how can you be with someone without being with them, and if turning away people who are clearly into you is a tendency you have. There’s Min Yoongi, after all, who’d liked you enough to remain as your friend when you needed one despite how he felt.  

“Okay then,” Jungkook nods. “And your job’s not in jeopardy. Don’t take responsibility for a stupid act you didn’t do.”

You bow in thanks, not much used to this side of him that’s understanding and even calm. You suppose he’d seen you worry about your job, had seen you look embarrassed over something that you didn’t even do, and perhaps he saw the discomfort over how Hajoon was talking about you. 

You’re about to walk out of the hallway when his call of your name stops you again, prompting you to turn around.

“About earlier… did I… did I make you feel uncomfortable?” He asks, the worry in his voice surprising you. 

You debate over playing it down or telling the truth, but you go with the latter. 

“A… a little,” you admit, looking away. 

You hear him sigh, and there’s a look of guilt in his eyes as you turn to him. 

“I’m so—”

The footsteps of another diner in the hallway disrupts him, and you both make way so he can use the washroom, too. Perhaps you and Jungkook had taken so long, and you don’t want others to conspire about what’s happening, so you walk out and tell him again that you’ll just return his clothing to Mr. Ri. 

From your table, Soomin and Jimin watch the awkwardness of your parting of ways, with you scurrying out the door and Jungkook returning to his seat with a deep sigh before glaring at Hajoon.

“He does sound and look like an asshole, aside from being hot,” Soomin observes. “That’s totally ___’s type.”

“Are you saying she likes her boss?” Jimin asks incredulously. 

“I’m just saying that’s her type, not that she likes him,” Soomin corrects. “There’s a difference. I still hate him for making things hard for her. I wish he would stop treating her like that. You and I know she won’t quit anytime soon. Especially because he’s a Jeon.”

“I know,” Jimin sighs. “I wish we could protect her from all this, too. But she’s always done what she wanted to do. And we wait for her to tell us when things are hard; we just hold her hand whenever it is.”

“That’s all we can do, I guess,” Soomin responds. “Sometimes though I wish she’d just… let someone else do more than just hold her hand, you know? It could’ve been Yoongi, or even Hajoon before all this mess. It could’ve been you.”

“You know that’ll never happen,” Jimin laughs bitterly, with Soomin knowing exactly what he means. “You’re only ever just her friend or her lover; you can’t be both.”

Soomin hums in agreement, as she’d seen you draw the line with the men you’d come across with. You’d make it clear if friendship is all you want; you’d be straightforward if it’s just sex you’re seeking. You give either just your heart or your body and you’re always careful not to give both. There are parts of you that you don’t want to share, that you don’t want to expose to them; there’s a kind of hurt that you don’t want to experience. 

They watch you walk back inside and then head to their table, where you sit next to a buzzed Hajoon who still has half a mind to look at you guiltily. 

“I think I’ll head back home after this,” you tell the group. “Kinda not in a partying mood anymore.”

Your other friends apologize on Hajoon’s behalf, proceeding to ask you if that was really your boss and if he’d threatened your job because of it, remarking that it would be such an asshole move of him to do that or to even get mad at you for something you didn’t do. 

You come to Jungkook’s defense; he didn’t say anything to that effect at all. Perhaps you’d been the unfair one who assumed that he would - that he’d demand that you apologize, that he’d use this against you. 

“He’s… not like that,” you say, meaning it. You turn to your best friends who have disagreeing looks. “He… he tried to apologize for making me feel uncomfortable,” you say softly. “No one’s ever done that before.”

“Look, ___,” Hajoon starts, but you cut him off. 

“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” you sigh. “I’ll just pay my bill and head out.”

You, Soomin, and Jimin all pay accordingly and then leave the restaurant, with you turning to Jungkook and his friends, bowing as a form of goodbye.

“Hey, why don’t we buy desserts at a convenience store and have our own party at your place?” Jimin suggests as you all settle in his car. 

“That would be nice,” you hum. “This outfit wouldn’t be such a waste then.”

So that’s what you do, as your best friends treat you to all the snacks you love - a usual occurrence, really, as they used to do that back in Busan to cheer you up during the days when you were feeling sad. It’s one of the things that you allow them to spoil you with and they take advantage of that, as you go home with weeks’ worth of goods for you to enjoy.

You also picked up some drinks on the way, so you play some music and dance around with your wine glasses and take shots in between. It’s too early to be drunk but 11PM might as well be 3AM. You’re all seated snugly in your tiny couch as you watch some variety show on mute, laughing at the hosts' antics even if you can’t hear anything. 

“Tonight wasn’t so bad,” you huff, leaning on Soomin’s shoulder as you doze off. “Both of you are all I need. Thank you for never disappointing me.”

They know you don’t always let yourself be this sentimental. They also know that when you do, all you want is for them to listen and to hold you. And that’s what they do, as you eventually clean up and fall asleep on the mattress with them, the events from earlier slowly fading away.

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[steddiealltheway]

Happy Halloween everyone!! Here is some type of no upside down AU fic :)

Eddie drums his hands on the cafeteria table and looks around at his friends. "Alright gentlemen, what are we doing for Halloween?"

He instantly gets a sense that something is off when Jeff and Gareth exchange a guilty look. Eddie leans forward and props his chin up on his hand. "Want to share with the class?"

Gareth sighs and looks at the table for a moment before bursting out, "Well, my sister and Jeff's brother really wanted to go out trick-or-treating this year, and you know how they've gotten close. And the deal was that either Jeff and I would stay at our houses manning the candy bowl, or we would go out with the kids."

Eddie huffs out, "And let me guess, you chose free candy, torturous walking, and a cutesy group costume."

Jeff smiles guiltily. "You're looking at Shaggy and Scooby-Doo."

"Adorable," Eddie says with a big fake smile before turning to Frank. "You're not leaving me high and dry though, isn't that right, Frank?"

Only, Frank seems to be just as guilty-looking as the others.

"Frank... Don't do this to me, man," Eddie pleads.

Frank sighs, "I told my mom I would do a Halloween horror movie night with her. Sorry, Eddie."

Eddie looks between all his friends, wondering if they're pulling a prank on him and fulfilling the trick part of trick-or-treat. But he slowly realizes that they're not. "Shit," he whispers, "I guess I needed to book you guys early," Eddie jokes, trying not to feel too let down.

Jeff pats his hand and says, "Hey, you can come with us. We need a bad guy in a mask."

Eddie scrunches up his nose. "Willingly walking miles and dealing with kids on an endless sugar high? No thanks. But... I appreciate the thought." He sits back and picks up a few of his pretzels before dropping them back in the bag. What is he going to do? He has always loved Halloween, his friends know this. But what's the point in celebrating if he's alone?

"You could go to Harrington's infamous ball," Frank suggests. Gareth and Jeff immediately start laughing loudly. Eddie just glares at Frank, but he doesn't seem to be joking as he defends himself, "I'm not kidding! Come on, free beer and witnessing a bunch of shit drama."

Eddie snorts. "Yeah, because I would be so welcomed there."

"It's not like people will really notice. I hear his place is jam-packed with random people every year. Plus, you could wear your bat masquerade mask," Jeff interjects.

Eddie sighs and puts his head in his hands. "You're not seriously trying to convince me to go, right?"

"I mean... we're not not trying to convince you," Gareth supplies unhelpfully. There's an oof sound that Eddie's sure is the result of Jeff elbowing him in the side. "But seriously, you can wear the mask so no one will recognize you and your slutty vampire outfit-"

"It's not slutty."

"It has a tight leather lace-up vest, it's a little slutty," Jeff stage whispers to Eddie.

Eddie groans and dramatically thuds his head down on the table before quickly looking up. "Let me get this right. You want me to go to Steve Harrington's Halloween party in a mask as a Cinderella-type vampire because you guys are ditching me?"

"Precisely. Except the part where we ditched you because we clearly invited you-"

"Okay! Okay!" Eddie cuts Jeff off waving his hands.

"And hey, we all know that you would love to get some one-on-one time with Harrington, and what's a better time to do this than undercover?" Jeff asks.

Eddie dramatically shushes him and whispers, "I told you guys that secret while entirely way too high, you cannot hold that information against me right now."

"He's right," Frank says, "You can finally find out if Harrington truly isn't an asshole."

"And see if he has the hots for you while you're wearing your-"

"I swear, Gareth, if you call the costume slutty again..."

"Okay, but are you wearing it with your leather pants?" Jeff asks, eyebrows raised.

Eddie sighs and looks down at his lunchbox. "Maybe," he begrudgingly admits.

"Slutty!" Frank loudly says, and Gareth and Jeff immediately burst out laughing.

Eddie covers his face in his hands before joining in on their laughter. "Maybe it's a little slutty," he admits.

As the boys celebrate their win, Eddie feels someone staring over at him. He glances toward Harrington's table where he's sitting next to his ex and her new boyfriend and finds him staring directly at him. Eddie's heart beats a little harder when Steve slightly smiles at him before redirecting his attention to Jonathan.

"Jesus Christ, he looked at me again," Eddie mutters.

"Dude, you always say this, but we never see him do it," Frank groans.

"Yeah, because you don't obsessively check out his table," Gareth says with a laugh before he suddenly frowns and turns to Eddie. "No offense."

"None taken," Eddie replies as he chews on his bottom lip, thinking deeply. If he goes to the party, he can finally confront his crush on the guy he's never truly interacted with unless you count all the times they catch each other's eye then... they would be interacting somewhat often.

He can also finally figure out if it's all in his head or not.

"Okay. I'm going to the Harrington party," Eddie announces.

"Seriously?" Jeff asks incredulously.

"You guys are just so convincing," Eddie says with his hands over his heart.

"Bullshit," Frank says, "You're just going for a chance to maybe say two words to him."

Eddie crosses his arms and asks, "And what would those two words be?"

"'Slutty vampire' in response to 'What are you dressed as?'" Jeff quickly jokes, earning a shriek of laughter from Gareth and Frank.

Eddie thanks whatever entity is responsible for making the bell ring to announce lunch is over. "I need new friends," Eddie lies as he gathers his stuff up.

As Gareth and Frank rush off, Jeff lays a hand on Eddie's arm and says, "Hey, we can do a Halloween slasher night if you want to this weekend. Also, don't hesitate to call if you need help getting ready or need a second pair of eyes to make sure Harrington will approve."

Eddie gives him a genuine small smile and squeezes his shoulder, "Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it," Jeff says as he walks off with a bright smile.

As Eddie watches him walk away, he catches Harrington staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but as soon as he glances over, he looks away looking... angry? Eddie just sighs and shakes his head. He needs to stop thinking that Harrington in any way has thoughts dedicated to him.

Maybe this party will be good for Eddie.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Eddie stares at his reflection in the mirror and twists and turns. Maybe the leather is slutty, but he thinks the plain black cape does well to soften the look a bit. He stares at his hair and all the glossy individually finger-curled strands making his hair look a little more tame than usual. But hell, his arms and fingers ache. He just hopes it's all worth it.

He puts on the bat mask and frowns before taking it off and digging around for his eyeliner pencil he knows he has somewhere in the bathroom. He quickly finds it in a random basket and applies it before smudging it a bit. He puts the mask back on and smiles. He likes the way it has an elegant almost lace-looking quality to the plastic that offsets the leather of his costume.

He wishes he could call Jeff for a final look, but he doesn't want to take any precious time away from him and his brother although they're probably done trick-or-treating by now. Plus, he knows that Jeff would tell him that he looks great and not to overthink it. So, that's exactly what he's going to do.

He grabs the bright orange flyer he found on the floor at school for the Harrington Halloween House Party and cringes at the alliteration. He's pretty sure it's been the same thing for the past three years though, so it's not like Harrington has an option of changing it.

Gosh, he needs to stop stalling and finally leave for the party. He glances at his watch and sees that it's almost eleven, so people should be finally arriving an hour fashionably late. Better to be a part of that crowd to not draw much attention.

He drives over quickly, parking a little down the road when he starts seeing other cars, not wanting to get stuck if he wants to leave early. He takes a deep breath before glancing in the mirror again. He's not recognizable... right? Right.

He gets out of his van and quickly starts walking toward the intimidatingly large house. He's glad to find a group of people rushing inside and even more people outside on the front lawn who aren't sparing him a second glance. Usually, he would come to one of these things with his infamous lunchbox and upsell his stash, but he knew it would give him away tonight. Plus, it's nice to not be on edge the whole time, wondering who is approaching him for drugs and who is approaching him with a slur.

As he makes his way inside, he grimaces at the loud pop music people are wildly dancing to and the smell of alcohol that permeates the house. It's only a few minutes before someone is shoving a cup of mysteriously bright red liquid in Eddie's hand. He takes a tentative sip and shrugs. It's not horrible especially since Eddie likes terribly sweet things, but he definitely isn't going to waste time getting a second cup.

He's on a mission. And his mission is to find Steve and hope that he's not somewhere with his tongue down some random girl's throat. Eddie tries to shove away the thoughts telling him that he shouldn't expect Steve Harrington to not be doing exactly that at his party. Plus, why would he spare time to talk to Eddie of all people?

Eddie takes another sip of his drink and makes his way through the crowd, not finding a single glimpse of that Harrington mane that's usually easy to spot. He goes outside the backdoor and frowns at all the people making out in the pool before heading back inside.

He glances around a few more times before settling back in a corner, downing the rest of his drink before giving up on his search and settling on people watching. But god it’s boring.

These people are boring.

It’s just the same situation over and over again. A couple getting uncomfortably handsy with each other, or a guy and girl eyeing each other up across the room as their friends hype them up in a way that’s either grotesque or filled with squeals.

And the room is hot. So unbearably hot that his leather pants are starting to cling to Eddie in an uncomfortable way that makes him want to rip them off.

Instead, he settles on climbing the stairs and going to find whatever bathroom he can to splash some cold water in his face and hopefully get a moment to himself.

He looks at all the closed doors, pressing his ear against them before quickly backing away whenever he hears something gross. But then his ear settles on one door and there’s the distinct sound of nothing on the other side that puts him at ease.

He twists the knob and walks into the room, freezing when he realizes that, one, this is not a bathroom, and, two, someone with Steve Harrington's distinctive hair swoop is sitting in the room.

The man turns and makes eye contact with Eddie who instantly dies a little inside as he realizes it is Steve. "Sorry. I didn't mean to barge in."

Steve gives him a small smile and says, "I don't mind."

Eddie doesn't know what to do other than hover in the doorway of the dark room. Steve continues to stare at him and eventually asks, "Want to join me?"

Yes. Hell yes, he does. But also, Eddie has the distinct feeling that this either has to be a dream or a prank. But he still nods.

"Do you mind locking the door behind you? I just... don't want anyone trying to use this room as a place to hook up or something."

Now this definitely sets off a few alarms in Eddie's head, but there's a weird air of sadness surrounding Steve that makes it seem... genuine. So Eddie closes the door and locks it behind him, slowly making his way over to Steve. As he gets closer, some of the light trailing in through his blinds catches on the glittering crown that he's holding in his hands.

Eddie gestures toward it. "King Steve?"

Steve smiles sadly and looks down at the crown. "Something like that."

Eddie carefully sits next to Steve, trying to keep a respectable distance between them on the bed. His eyes trace over Steve's costume, a clearly expensive, gorgeous prince or king costume. "So, what are you supposed to be?"

"Prince Charming," Steve answers easily. He glances over at Eddie and shrugs. "Nancy thought that it would be funny because of my 'Harrington charm' mixed with King Steve, but I don't know. I kind of hate that nickname." He shakes his head and changes the subject. "What are you supposed to be?"

"Slutty vampire," Eddie says almost automatically, startling a laugh out of Steve as Eddie curses under his breath and puts his hands over his face. As his fingers press into the mask on his face, he's startled by the realization that Steve doesn't know who he is. "Sorry, my friends kept saying that, and I insisted it wasn't what I was going for. But they won that argument in the end I guess." God, he can't believe he actually said that.

"You look maybe a little slutty but in a good way," Steve rushes to say the last part. He runs a hand through his hair, getting a bit flustered. "I mean you look nice."

"So do you," Eddie admits honestly.

Steve holds his hand out to him. "Steve."

Eddie takes his hand and says, "Cinderella."

Steve laughs again. "Really?"

"I got the mask and everything," Eddie explains, not yet wanting to ruin things when Steve finds out who he really is.

"Cinderella then," Steve says with a smile that makes Eddie feel a little weak in the knees. Thank god he's sitting down.

"So, what are you doing in here in the dark all by yourself, Prince Charming?"

"I'm not by myself, I'm with you," Steve easily deflects.

Eddie raises his eyebrows although he's pretty sure the mask partially covers them.

Steve looks down at the crown again and raises it up. "I just wanted to not be this for a little bit tonight. Plus, the music was giving me a headache - too many concussions." He pauses before turning to Eddie. "And what were you doing escaping from things?"

"Looking for some quiet," Eddie says and looks down at his unnaturally bare hands. He wishes he would've kept on his rings so he could fidget with them. "I was thinking about leaving, but I wanted to stay in case I found you."

Steve shifts a little on the bed, moving to face him. "And now that you've found me?"

Eddie glances up at him and considers it for a moment. "I hadn't really thought that far."

Steve runs a hand through his hair. "Well, I hope I'm not too disappointing."

"Not at all," Eddie insists, "Actually I thought you'd be-"

"An asshole?" Steve interjects quickly, his expression becoming oddly stoic.

Eddie shakes his head. "Preoccupied with someone else. Anyone other than me really."

Steve face softens and he leans in closer, eyes tracing over Eddie's face as if trying to figure out what's under the mask covering most of the upper half of his face. "You know you can tell me your real name, right?"

Eddie swallows and shakes his head. "Maybe I'll just leave a clue behind or something. Not my shoe though. I always hated that plot line."

Steve smiles brightly. "If it fit perfectly then why did it fall off?"

"Exactly!" Eddie says clapping his hands together excitedly. "Plus, with all that dancing, I just know that shoe did not smell good."

Steve throws his head back and laughs, and Eddie just watches him, filled with pride at being able to pull that reaction out of him. As his laughter dies down, Steve glances back down at the crown.

"You should put it on," Eddie blurts out. Steve looks up at him with his eyebrows raised. "I want to see the whole costume."

Steve reluctantly places the crown on his head and glances toward Eddie. It's strange, how it fits him so perfectly at first glance, but he can see how it personally affects Steve, as if it adds a weight to his entire demeanor.

"You look good, but I think I prefer you without," Eddie admits.

Steve quickly takes it off his head and places it behind him. "Yeah, that's because it messes up my best feature."

"That's strange, I didn't see it mess with your eyes, or your smile, or your nose, or your-"

Eddie's suddenly cut off when Steve leans in and kisses him. He just as quickly pulls away and says, "Sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've asked before I just-"

"Steve," Eddie says, laying a hand over Steve's.

Steve looks up at him nervously.

"Please do that again," Eddie says.

Steve sighs in relief and instantly closes the distance between them again, but Eddie is able to prepare for it, properly cupping his face and kissing him back. He feels like he's in a dream again as Steve deepens the kiss and runs his hands through the curls Eddie took so long to perfect. But he doesn't care at all.

There's a sudden loud ringing of a grandfather clock that pierces through the house causing the two of them to jump apart. "Jesus, I forgot that I told them they could play that creepy recording at midnight," Steve says and freezes. "Wait, it's midnight."

"And?"

"You're Cinderella."

Eddie tries to swallow down the pain of once again realizing that to Steve, he's just some random guy that he doesn't know. But Eddie smiles and says, "Well, lucky for you, the magic doesn't run out until one or two in the morning."

Steve smiles back and says, "Lucky me." But instead of kissing Eddie, he surprises him by asking, "Tell me something about yourself."

Eddie shrugs, trying to think of something that won't give him away. "I play the guitar."

"Oh, is that why you wear the..." Steve trails off, eyes flickering down to his neck before looking away. "Forget I said that. I thought I saw something."

Eddie's brows furrow, but he doesn't press him on it. "What about you? Tell me something most people don't know."

Steve thinks for a moment before smiling. "I almost didn't show up to this tonight. I was going to go trick-or-treating with some of the kids I sort of babysit. But Dustin told me they didn't need a babysitter tonight, so I ended up here."

The story twists at Eddie's heart a bit. Even with his disillusioned crush on Steve, he would've never guessed there was a group of kids he cared for so much.

Eddie reaches out and intertwines his fingers with Steve's. "I'm sure they miss you."

"I don't know. They were going in custom-made costumes for these characters they play as in D and D or something. They seemed really excited about it, so they've probably forgotten about me by now."

Eddie swallows down the entire spiel he wants to make about Hellfire Club and asking who the kids are so he might be able to recruit them and instead says, "Well, you're pretty unforgettable."

Steve smiles and opens his mouth to respond when there's a sudden loud knock on the door. Steve frowns and loudly says, "Occupied!"

A voice on the other side of the door loudly says, "I think your neighbors down the way ratted us out! Someone said the police are on their way."

"Shit," Steve mutters and runs his hands over his face. "I'll be right there! Just get rid of all the alcohol you can find and turn off the music. Party is over." He stands up and turns to Eddie offering his hand which Eddie takes.

They both stand up and Eddie realizes he's never stood directly next to him and is surprised that they seem to be the same height. God, it's so nice to be at eye level with him.

"I guess this is goodbye, Cinderella," Steve says sadly and tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. "Will you leave me with at least a kiss?"

"You're too charming to say no to," Eddie jokes before he leans in and kisses Steve again, lingering in the kiss for as long as he can before they both pull away as there's another loud knock on the door.

Steve squeezes Eddie's shoulder one last time and says, "I promise to find you." He rushes out the door quickly after and Eddie is left standing in Steve's room alone. He takes a deep breath before he leaves slowly, distancing the time they were seen with each other.

Luckily, things are in a bit of a frenzy as he leaves so he doubts anyone noticed him slipping out of the same room as Steve. But on his drive home, Eddie realizes he gave Steve absolutely nothing to identify him with. He curses and debates turning back until he sees Hopper's police car pass him.

Steve's never going to find him.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The entire weekend, Eddie's friends have the pleasure of hearing him share the story over and over again while simultaneously complaining about not leaving something equivalent to a shoe behind.

"Well, it sounds like you at least left him with a lot of your saliva," Gareth says one time, and Eddie has to get Jeff to hold him back.

Monday morning is the worst when he realizes he has to see Steve and pretend like nothing happened. Because there's no way he's going to tell Steve that he's Cinderella and expect him to not punch him in the face.

Okay, Steve doesn't seem the type to do that, but there's no way he would be excited to hear that Eddie's the guy he swapped spit with - god, he really needs to get Gareth's words out of his head. But Eddie thinks he'll be able to deal with Steve never knowing than Steve rejecting him.

He sees Steve here and there in the hall but is luckily able to divert his path so Steve never directly sees him. Unfortunately, Eddie knows Steve will be at the same table as always at lunch which is right in his line of sight.

When he sits down, his friends are already nudging him and cracking jokes about Prince Charming and whatnot that pisses Eddie off. It makes things worse when he sees Steve sitting with his back to him, which he's never done before. At one point, Eddie just snaps, gets up, and leaves the cafeteria saying he needs a minute. He rushes off to his locker, digging around for his spare pack of cigarettes when he hears a pair of footsteps to his left.

He sighs and closes the locker door, expecting to see a teacher who has followed him, expecting him to do something suspicious. Instead, he gets the shock of his life when he sees Steve walking right up to him.

As Steve approaches, Eddie dumbly says, "Are you looking to buy something?"

Steve runs a hand through his hair before shaking his head. "No, I'm not, Cinderella."

Eddie's eyes widen. There's no way...

"Did you really think I didn't know who you were?" Steve asks, and Eddie can't get a read on him, but he seems... upset.

"I'm sorry?"

Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair again. “Eddie, I know it was you, and I want to know why you've been avoiding me all day. Like did it really mean nothing to you? Is that why you didn't tell me your name?"

Eddie's head spins a little too fast at the revelation, so he clarifies, "Wait, you knew it was me the whole time?"

"Yes. I thought you were just really pretending to be in character or something, but today you were icing me out. And I know we haven't really talked before Friday night, but I thought I was clear about wanting to change that."

"Then why did you face with your back toward me in the cafeteria?" Eddie blurts out without thinking.

"There was something on my chair," Steve answers easily.

"Oh." Okay, maybe Eddie is an idiot but, "Wait, you really knew who I was and still, "he lowers his voice and leans in, "...kissed me?"

A look of realization crosses over Steve's face before he smiles. "Eddie, I've been staring at you for weeks now, and I just hadn't gotten the courage to talk to you yet. You're pretty intimidating."

"Me? I'm intimidating? You're literally called 'King Steve.'" Steve frowns at the title, but Eddie continues, "I never thought I had a shot with you without the mask on - or even with the mask on. I was avoiding you today because I didn't want you to realize it was me and reject me."

"I thought you called yourself Cinderella because I was dressed as Prince Charming," Steve laughs.

"I didn't even realize that was Cinderella's prince!" Eddie nearly shrieks, laughing loudly along with Steve. "We're a disaster," he says through his laughter.

Steve takes a deep breath, trying to kill his laughter a little to say, "I think we should start over a little and go on a date. This time without fake names and the police showing up."

"No promises about the second one," Eddie says with a big smile.

Steve smiles and looks at him as if waiting for something.

"What?" Eddie asks.

Steve laughs anxiously. "Is that a yes to the date?"

"Oh! Christ. Yes! Yes, it is. Sorry," Eddie sighs and runs a hand over his face, noting the way his hands don't catch on a mask this time. Steve Harrington is fine with him being Cinderella - more than fine with it really. He narrows his eyes at Steve. "And this isn't a trick?"

"I thought it would be more of a treat," Steve jokes.

Eddie rolls his eyes and simultaneously laughs at the horrible pun. "Did you know that you're really charming?"

Another laugh is startled out of Steve who quickly tries to hide it. He looks down at the ground and says, "I'm having a hard time thinking of a joke about a slutty vampire."

Eddie groans, "Don't remind me."

"I wouldn't mind if you reminded me," Steve flirts.

"Christ," Eddie says, feeling a blush quickly rise on his cheeks.

The bell for lunch rings again, and this time Eddie wants to curse the entity responsible for it.

"I'll slip you my number later so you can call me later, Cinderella" Steve announces, walking back to the cafeteria where he left his stuff.

"I'm charmed," Eddie replies with a wink that has Steve getting slightly flustered.

As he rounds the corner and gets out of sight, Eddie can't help but think about how Steve really kept his promise about finding him. He also can't wait to have proof that all his friends were wrong, except maybe he was a little bit of a slutty vampire... But it definitely paid off.

And it definitely was a very happy Halloween.

[lizzie-boo]

Baby, You're My Type

Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

Words: 804

Summary: When someone unexpected asks you on a date it brings some new information to light. And long-overdue conversations are had.

A/N: Slowly getting back into writing, I'm very rusty so please bear with me. Hope you enjoy it. I should have a few more small fics coming out in the next few days while I still have some time off.

The Hellfire club was just finishing up a section of their campaign when you burst through the door, eager to share your news. You throw yourself into an open seat, leg bouncing as you wait for Eddie to stop talking. You lean over the table, fingers tapping as you stare at your best friend. 

As soon as he closes his mouth the words were spilling out, “The funniest thing ever just happened.” 

Everyone begins packing their things and Eddie quirks a brow in your direction. When all you do is stare at him with a wide grin he gestures for you to continue. 

“Jason just asked me on a date,” you laugh as the rest of the room goes quiet. The older members of the group are quick to rush out the door not wanting to see where this conversation goes. Dustin on the other hand stops shoving papers into his backpack and settles in, ready to watch the drama. 

Lucas and Mike tug at his arms, not wanting to stick around longer than necessary. “Let’s go,” Mike hisses. His eyes darting between you and Eddie.  

"Now," Lucas urges.

“I want to see how this plays out,” Dustin whines, catching your attention. Your laughing dies as you take in the worried look of the younger group members and realize that maybe your news wasn’t as funny as you thought. 

“You should go out with him.” You whip around, eyes wide. The click of the door behind you is all you need to let you know that only you and Eddie are left to finish this conversation. 

You open and close your mouth, trying to figure out the right combination of words. Something that will get through to Eddie and let him know just how ridiculous he is being. Before you can find the words Eddie continues, “I mean you do seem excited about it.” 

Finally you stand up and make your way toward him, leaning on the table just in front of his chair.  Your fingers wrap around the edge of the table, gripping it tight. 

“I was only excited to share the news because it’s crazy and I found it funny.” 

“I don’t see what would be that funny about it.” He leans forward in his seat. The small gap between you grows smaller but neither of you back down. The smell of his cheap cologne floods your senses and for a moment you forget what you are talking about. 

“He’s not my type, not even close to my type. Everyone knows that, so it’s funny that he thought he would ever have a chance.” The way you lips quirk up at the end of your sentence is not missed by Eddie. His eyes practically glued to your lips as you speak. 

“Are you sure, he seems like he would be your type.” There’s an edge to his voice that has you gripping the table harder. How can he still think that you would be into someone like Jason when you have always made it clear that you would never be caught dead with someone that arrogant. 

You chew on your lip, contemplating if you really want to say what you’re about to. Taking a deep breath you tell Eddie, “My type is metalheads, with crazy hair, tattoos, and a love for nerdy things like dungeons and dragons.” 

He taps his fingers against the arm of his chair, pretending to think about your revelation. You scan the room, trying to find anything to hold your attention so you can avoid looking at Eddie. 

“I thought you said everyone knew your type, but I never knew that’s what you’re into.” He stands from his chair inching ever closer. His warm breath hits your face and finally you turn your gaze back to him. 

Your heart flutters as you take him in up close. Mustering all the courage in you, you tell him, “I made it painfully obvious for so long, but in case you still can’t see it this should help.” 

He quirks a brow at your cryptic words and you bunch your hands in his shirt pulling him closer. Pressing your lips into his you let out all the pent up emotion you have been holding in. His arm slips around your waist pulling you closer as his other slides up to cup your cheek. 

When you pull back, you can’t help but to smile. “In case it still wasn’t clear, you’re my type Eddie, just you.” 

“Hmm, I never would’ve guessed,” he jokes. “That’s good though, ‘cause baby, you're my type too.” 

Lifting you slightly he sets you fully on the table intent on making up for lost time. As your lips find his you wrap your legs around his waist and get lost in the happiness of finally being with Eddie.

[torakowalski]

Swimmer Steve has reached summer 1988 and is inching closer to become Olympic Swimmer Steve!

I've got a confession. When I checked where the Olympic swimming trials were in 1988, the site I found told me Indianapolis. So I wrote this part! But then I double checked and it turns out the 1992 trials were Indianapolis but the 1988 ones were Austin. HOWEVER, it's too late, so pls accept this tiny deviation from reality.

(part one | part five)

"This is so fucking cool," Gareth yells in Eddie's ear, over all the different noises crashing around the natatorium.

"Yeah?" Eddie says, way more pleased than he wants to let on. He doesn't know why Gareth's here, but they all are: Gareth and Jeff and Chris, plus Robin and all Steve's kids.

Wayne's sitting further back with Mrs Henderson, away from some of the noise, but he's here too.

"Hell, yeah." Gareth grins at him. "How many times can you say you've seen someone you know audition for the Olympics?"

"It's not called auditioning," Chris says, elbowing him.

"It is, if you want to annoy Steve," Eddie tells him. He thinks it goes without saying that he always wants to annoy Steve.

It's blind luck that the Olympic swimming trials are happening in Indianapolis. Sure, Steve acted like it was no big deal, and said he didn't expect anyone to come, but Eddie knows how goddamn delighted he is that everyone's made it here for the second day.

Eddie's pleased too, of course he is, but he did kind of enjoy yesterday when it was just him here for the heats. Sue him, but he gets Steve to himself so often that he's maybe forgotten how to share.

There's some shuffling from further down the row of seats, and then Gareth gets shoved out the way and Dustin takes his place.

"Who are our main competitors?" he asks, looking at Eddie expectantly. He's got a notebook out and everything, like he's gonna come up with a plan to take them down.

Eddie starts to answer and realises that the rest of Steve's gang are listening in too. It dawns on him that he's the expert here. He's the one who's been up and down the country, going to meets with Steve, and he knows about this shit now.

He never thought he'd willingly learn anything about a sport, and even less that he'd admit to knowing anything, but it turns out you'll do a lot of unexpected shit when you're head over heels for a jock.

Even a straight jock. Even one who's been nothing but sweet about his stupid crush.

Speaking of which, here he comes now, golden skin and black speedos, standing out from the rest of the hopefuls, at least to Eddie.

"What happened to his chest hair?" Lucas asks, from one of the seats in front of Eddie. Their little Hawkins gang is really taking up a lot of this stadium.

"Right?" Max mutters, sounding disappointed.

Eddie tips forward to lean in between them. "He has to wax. Legs too."

"Ow," says Lucas, shuddering. "What's wrong with staying hairy?"

"You didn't say that when you asked why I hadn't shaved," Max says.

Lucas throws up his hands. "I didn't mean it that way! I've said I'm sorry and that I didn't mean it that way!"

It sounds like an old argument. The only bad thing about spending all his time with Steve these days, is that they miss a lot of the kids' day to day dramas. The ones that are too small to get relayed to them over the phone, anyway.

He knows Steve feels that too. He's planning to have a real break back home, after the Olympics. If he makes it to the Olympics. Fuck, Eddie hopes he makes it to the Olympics.

There's a buzz down below by the pool, everyone lining up for the first semi-final. Backstroke first. One of Steve's favourites.

"Okay," Eddie says, and takes a deep breath. "Here we go."

Steve makes it through all his semis easily, which Eddie had known he would, but had still panicked about.

There's a break before the finals, but Eddie unexpectedly can't make himself move. He's too keyed up, so tense and nervous for Steve that it's gone all the way around in a circle and frozen his legs.

"He's doing great!" Dustin says, easy and relaxed, because he's not worried. Whether Steve believes it or not, Dustin thinks he can do anything.

"Yeah." Eddie nods. "Yeah. Yeah, really great."

Dustin frowns at him. "... isn't he?"

Fuck, now Eddie is infecting other people with his anxiety. That's not cool. "He is doing so great," he says. "Like, fucking fantastic." He grins at Dustin, wide enough that he feels it stretch the scar on his cheek that doesn't move as easily as the rest of his face.

"So what's wrong with you?" Dustin asks.

If it was anyone else, except Wayne and maybe Gareth, Eddie would deny anything being wrong at all. But he and Dustin are bonded by like, bats and death and shit. So instead, he finds himself admitting, "He just wants this so bad. It's gonna shatter him, if he doesn't qualify."

"But he will," Dustin says. He grins crookedly at Eddie. "It's cute how much you care about him getting what he wants."

"Shut the fuck up," Eddie tells him, but affectionately.

They grab lunch while the 1500 metres guys do their semis, and they're back before the 50 metre finals.

Steve doesn't do 50 metres, says it's too short to be interesting, but Eddie thinks there's something cool about watching people whizz along down one length then be done. The fact that he enjoys races that Steve isn't even in is no good for his cred and not something he's gonna tell anyone.

Two minutes before Steve's first final, Robin drops into the seat next to Eddie. She doesn't say anything, just reaches out and clutches his hand.

Since he knows exactly how she feels, he just clutches back.

Steve qualified third fastest out of all the semi-finalists for this one, so he's in a decent, middle lane. He's easy to spot in his yellow swim cap, amongst all the reds and blacks.

"I'm gonna throw up," Robin says conversationally.

"Yup," Eddie agrees.

It's backstroke again first, so the swimmers all get into the water before the start. It feels like it's happening in slow motion, which might be because Eddie isn't breathing.

The whistle blows and they're off. It's a 200 metre race, so four lengths. Steve keeps up easily for the first length, is slightly ahead at the start of the second, but he falls behind just, just slightly right before the turn for the third.

Robin's fingernails digging into the back of Eddie's hand are all he can feel.

"Go Steve!" Max yells, followed a second later by the rest of the kids.

But Eddie already knows it's too late, Steve pushed himself too fast too early and he's not gonna catch up.

He finishes fifth. And, like, that makes him the fifth fastest guy in America in the backstroke, but fifth isn't gonna get him a spot at the Olympics.

"It's okay," Eddie hears himself saying, because the kids look kind of stunned. "It's okay, backstroke's done, we move on. He's still got three more finals; he just needs to place first or second in one of those. It's totally okay."

"What if it's not?" Robin hisses.

"Then I'm gonna cry."

She nods. "I'll join you."

Eddie watches as Steve drags himself out of the pool. He stands for a minute, then follows the others back to the changing rooms, without looking up at the stands.

He finishes third in the butterfly.

He comes second in the breaststroke, but it's a joint second, tied with some guy from Nebraska, and Eddie just doesn't know if that will be enough. What he really needs is a win.

"He's better than this," Robin says, voice hoarse from yelling Steve's name. "He is, right? He's been winning all his other meets."

"He's nervous. He's tensing up." Eddie wants to go down there and do something, anything to make Steve believe he can still do this.

It's late by the time the swimmers troop back out for the breaststroke final. Eddie's tired just from watching, he can't imagine how they all feel.

Steve's last out because he won this semi-final. He's the favourite for this one, but even across the distance between them, it's easy to see he's still frustrated with himself from the other races.

"Everyone cheer," Eddie orders before jumping up and fucking, whooping. Making a fool of himself at a sports event? He never thought he'd see the day.

Steve sees him then sees the kids join him and laughs, his whole body relaxing. He waves, waves again.

"Knock 'em dead, Harrington!" Eddie yells and ignores the looks he gets from the other families dotted around.

"Drown them!" Dustin yells, which makes Steve cover his face with his hands, but probably to hide his laughter rather than his dispair.

"He's gonna do it," Robin says. "He's got to."

Eddie sinks back into his seat, and can't say anything.

They line up, Steve dead centre this time. The whistle blows.

Steve's dive is beautiful, sends him nearly half way down the pool before he has to come up for air. He makes the first tumble turn ahead of everyone else, and then he's unstoppable. It's like he's been waiting for this moment, like everything has kicked into place.

He's in the lead for the second length, the third. A guy from California starts to creep up on him half way down the last length and Eddie has a second to think this is all gonna get snatched away, but it turns out Steve's not gonna let it.

He puts on a burst of speed that looks superhuman, fucking shoots himself through the water, leaves everyone in his wake and slaps his hand down on the end two maybe three strokes ahead of everyone else.

Their section erupts.

Dustin and Gareth and Robin all hug Eddie, like he's somehow had anything to do with this. Over their shoulders, he can see Wayne and Mrs Henderson cheering as loud as the rest of them.

He kisses Robin's cheek, says, "You're crying."

"Damn right, I am," she sniffs. She pats her hand against his cheek. "So are you."

"Huh," says Eddie, who hadn't noticed. "Your boy done good."

"Our boy," Robin says, "is going to the Olympics. You should say congrats to him with a kiss."

Eddie snorts. "Maybe I will," he says, knowing he won't. Steve doesn't want that. "Maybe I will."

(continued)

[samoankpoper21]

JJK Men Proposing 💍

A/N: Bonus points to whoever gets the kdrama reference in Suguru's proposal aslkf;saj Enjoy~!!

Content Warnings: mid smut, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!, some cursing

Kento Nanami:

"Love?"

"Yes?"

"Let's take a trip this weekend"

"Ooh ok. What did you have in mind?"

"Malaysia." Your typing coming to a pause you peered at him from above your glasses. "Malaysia? That's so random babe. Why there?"

"I've always wanted to go." Taking one last glance at him you noticed his restlessness. 3 years being together you've learned to read Kento Nanami; his face may be stoic, expressionless to others, but you picked up on the way he gulped, his fingers clenching and unclenching. Choosing to ignore his restlessness, knowing in due time he'll eventually come around to letting you in to his inner monologue, you warmly smiled stretching your pudgy, stout arms above your head. "Sure Ken, let's do that. We both could use a break."

The plane ride there you noticed his restlessness increase. "Ken?" you wrapped your smaller hand over his much too large hand. "What's wrong babe? You've been restless since we got on the plane."

"I'll be fine."

"You sure?" Leaning forward to kiss your forehead he hummed a "Mhmm."

He grabbed both of your bags escorting you to the rental area. Driving to the hotel resort he placed his hand on top of your left hand giving it a squeeze. "What part of Malaysia are we staying at?"

"Kuantan."

"Ooh ok. Sounds cool. Wait...you didn't bring me all the way out here to kill me right?" Staring at you in his peripheral he chuckled shaking his head. "You watch too many 'true crime' documentaries."

"But it's true babe! Most serial killers upon their first kill get anxious and after they've killed their victim it's like a high to them." Pressing a kiss to your hand he chuckled again. "You need to go back to watching Korean dramas or anime or something," Squeezing your interwoven fingers he suggests, "Take a nap love. It's going to take almost 4 hours to get there."

"No, no I'm ok! Really!"

15 minutes later Nanami glanced your way chuckling at your head nodding, trying to fight sleep. "Sleep love."

"You sure babe? I don't want you to be up alone."

"I'll be fine."

"Mmkay. Just know I tried." He chuckled as you stifled a yawn, kissing his hand before leaning your chair back to rest.

After having checked into the resort, Kento had planned a spa day for the both of you where you both enjoyed full body massages, clay mask treatment, and the jet bath to yourselves. "Ngh! Ken," you shuddered, the water sloshing over the sides as he gripped your full hips guiding you up and down his throbbing length, his half lidded eyes going back and forth between your fucked out expression, full breasts, and pudgy tummy. "What if -ngh- w-we get caught?"

"Shh," Nanami shuddered as your gummy walls involuntary tightened around his cock. "Seems like you don't mind us getting caught pretty girl." Biting your lip trying to suppress your moans as Nanami's cock hit that sweet spot you groaned, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. "F-fuck Nanami, yes, yes, right there love." Nanami rolled his hips against yours hitting that sweet spot. Biting down on his shoulder you came your legs twitching as Nanami kept thrusting up into you. "Fuck," he growled, he too biting on your neck as he released his hot, sticky seed into you.

After dinner walking in hand in hand on the beach you stopped just short of where the waves could reach you, marveling at the sunset. The sky was painted in pretty hues of pink, orange, and purple. Closing your eyes inhaling the scent of the sea, reveling in the moment, the moment was briefly shattered with whizzes and whistles of fireworks. Looking up into the sky you gasped. "Nami, look! They're hearts!" turning to search for him you gasped upon seeing your boyfriend on one knee, small, red velvet box in hand. "Y/N, Kuantan has a special meaning to me. This is where I want to settle, build a home. I can't imagine building a home, my future, without you in it. Will you continue to build with me towards our future? Together?"

"Yes!" you shrieked, tackling him in the sand laughing. "Yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes!"

Toji Fushiguro:

"Fuuuuck daddyyy 's too much." Toji had already made you cum three times, the first and third being from his tongue, the second from his fingers. You found yourself with your ass up, a mean arch in your back as Toji pounded into you. He loved fucking you from the back: watching the way your ass rippled every time his hips slammed against it, the way his balls swung hitting your folds and clit, your wide hips that he currently had a tight grip of, the stretch marks that adorned your thighs and belly, how loudly you were moaning at him hitting your g-spot, and how you always took him so well. With the way Toji was slamming his hips into your sopping cunt you felt yourself slowly slipping off the bed. Clawing your way attempting to move forward Toji slapped your ass, gripping the reddened flesh. "Stop running." Moaning you plead. "I-I'm gonna fall daddy."

"Then fall. As long as you stop running from this dick." He groaned as your tight walls clenched around him. "Fuck you're such a good slut fa' me. Getting turned on just 'cause I'm tellin' ya tah stop runnin'. Fuck momma bounce that ass back." Keeping your arch Toji stilled his thrusts watching the white ring around his cock slip in and out of your fat, juicy pussy, a slow steady plap plap plap sound filling the room, Toji grabbing a handful of your generous ass. He stilled you leaning over, his chest against your back, reaching into the drawer. Shuddering you knew he brought out the vibrator he graciously named 'Clittie'. "Gimme your left hand." Pushing yourself to balance on your right forearm you offered your left hand where he slipped a ring on. "T-Toji?"

"What? You gonna be with me or what?" Peering behind you locked eyes with him causing him to groan at your blissed out face mixed with light and love. "Your timing is so off." you chuckled. Grabbing your hips he slammed into you once again stating, "Fuck momma looks like you're stuck with me now. Whad'ya say huh?"

"Yes, yes, yes daddy! I'm all yours. Fuck I'm all yours daddy!"

"Good girl."

Choso:

He must be exhausted was your initial reaction upon meeting him at the dog shelter. Your manager tasked you with training the new, quiet hire, his baritone voice making your pussy clench. After working together you came to realize that (1) ain't nothing wrong with his eyes, (2) you grew fond of his sleepy eyes, finding them alluring, sexy even and (3) he reminded you of a big -lost- puppy. He would follow behind you closely, the heat from his body emanating, as you explained the tools and showed him the dogs.

Working together allowed you to build the rapport needed, learning and falling for the ins and out of Choso Kamo. Closing together one night the power went out, PG&E updating you both that it would take at least 3 hours before the power came back on. You found him in the play pen, all the dogs and puppies sleeping peacefully around him. Attempting to discreetly take his picture you cursed when the shutter sound went off, his eyes snapping open. "Sorry," you sheepishly offer. "You just looked too cute surrounded by all the dogs sleeping peacefully."

"Delete that."

"Whaaat? Come on Cho it looks really good though." you tease. Surprising you with his speed you found him in front of you smirking holding your phone above his tall frame. Jumping trying to reach your phone you whine. "Not fair dude. You're like 6 feet."

"Grow some inches then."

"Or you could put some in me."

"Huh?"

"Huh?"

Attempting to cover your moans Choso bit your plush inner thighs, his tongue following shortly after. You looked to the sleeping dogs figures. "Ch-Cho," he swirled his tongue around your entrance, moving his way towards your clit. "Y-you think the dogs will mind?" Chuckling darkly he asked, "Now you're worried about the dogs? Where was all that cockiness from earlier?" Sucking your clit a moan ripped from your chest. "Choso please."

"What do you need baby girl?" he asked, spitting on your clit, watching it trail towards your clenching entrance. "Fuck me daddy."

A year later not much has changed except the constant fucking you and Choso did. Whenever Choso was in the mood your panties were pulled to the side as he stretched you out on his fat cock, his hot breath fanning your ear.

It was another closing shift but the rest of the team were there. You found it weird that everyone was still here considering it was only supposed to be you and Choso. "Y/N," your manager called out to you. "I need help in the play pen."

"Sure." Making your way to the play pen you were greeted by hordes of fur, giggling at the yapping, some of them jumping up to greet you. You noticed your manager and 2 of your coworkers sitting there giddy with anticipation. "What did you need help with boss?" She let a black chow chow puppy named Bo run to you, picking Bo up you noticed a red velvet box tied to its neck. Untying the red satin ribbon, opening the box you gasp recognizing his writing. "Will you marry me?"

"Turn around dummy." his baritone voice rang out. Quickly turning you found your boyfriend on one knee blushing furiously. "Aside from animals you were the first person to see me as a person. You make me feel welcome, warm, and loved. You have been like a light to my world and I can't see myself doing this life thing without you. Will you marry me Y/N?"

"Oh my god yes! Yes, yes, yes!"

"Are we almost there babe?" you huff out.

"Yup."

"That's what you said an hour ago."

"You're so dramatic." He chuckled.

"Babe you literally woke me up at the ass crack of dawn."

"I thought you liked how I woke you up." Your cheeks burning at the memory of Satoru and you cuddling when in your sleepy daze you felt him lifting your leg up thrusting into you, groaning at how wet you were for him. "Morning love," his morning voice sending shivers down your spine as one of his hands found purchase on your breast, the other on your plush hip as his hips rut into you sharply. Catching up to him you lightly smack him. "That's beside the point."

"Oh look you caught up." Holding his hand out to you you deeply inhaled the cold morning air, your lungs expanding. "You could see all the stars from up here." he gently observed. "Babe look! It's Orion's belt! Oh and the big dipper too!" Gently smiling your eyes continue scanning the starlit sky in search of familiar constellations. "Look down hunn'."

"Huh?" Peering down at the circular rooftop you exclaim. "Babe it's a heart!"

"What else do you see?"

"Ummm," you continue to scan the rooftops reading aloud. "W-I-L-L Y-O-U M-A-R-R-" gasping you turned to see him smiling widely. "First let me give you this." Handing you a certificate you saw that he had purchased a star near the edge of Orion's belt naming it after you. "Gojo," feeling your eyes tear up.

"I wanted to gift you the North Star but NASA said some bullshit 'bout how that star can never be bought. Y/N, I wanted to gift you the North Star because to me you shine the brightest, even on the days you don't feel like it. I have watched your light shine and transcend to others and I want to continue being part of that journey. Y/N, will you continue to be my north star while I continue being like the sun?"

"Only if you shine with me for thousands of years."

Geto Suguru:

"Love," Suguru called from your shared bathroom. "Babeeee." Standing in the doorway he watched as the blanket barely covered your naked sleeping form. You could sleep through anything. Light bulb going off in his head Suguru lay on his stomach, settling himself between your legs. Prying them open slowly he groaned at your glistening cunt. Pressing wet, open mouth kisses in your inner thighs he blew at your entrance watching you shiver. Teasing your already wet cunt he kissed around your opening. Laying his tongue flat, he parted your lips swirling his tongue around moaning at the taste of your essence, your musk scent mixed in with cocoa butter. Sucking, his mouth slowly moved up engulfing your clit giving it a tug. Moaning awake from your body heat you stir. "Babe?"

"Oh good! You're awake." He peeled his face away, your eyes growing dark at the sight of your arousal evident on his lips, chin,and nose. Trying to bring him closer he scooted away causing you to pout. "Sug?"

"Come on love. We have to go."

"But it's still dark out."

"I know but where I'm taking you you can only see this picture when the sun hits a 6."

"How you gonna leave me turned on?"

"I promise I'll make it up to you but we have to hurry. We only have 50 minutes and I don't want to get stuck in traffic." Groaning you reluctantly peeled yourself from the warmth of the bed throwing on jeans and a hoodie.

Quickly parking the car he grabbed your hand and ran with you towards the elevators of a merging company. Scanning your surroundings you were taken aback, a bit uncomfortable at how under dressed you felt. Getting off at the 17th floor he pulled you towards the staircase pulling you along the remaining 3 flights. Shouldering the door to the rooftop open you made it with 3 minutes to spare. Panting you ask, "Why didn't we just take the elevator all the way up?"

"For memory sake?"

"The fuck Sug." Quickly grabbing your hand he led you to the edge, heart hammering in his chest, he covered your eyes. 6AM hit, the rays of the sun slowly peeking over the city, it's warmth slowly seeping into your skin. Lowering his hands from your face he whispers, "Open your eyes love." Peeling your eyes you watch as the sun hit two billboards, turning them towards your direction; the first billboard reading, "Y/N let's continue making memories for eternity."; the second being, "Will you marry me?" Your hands clasping at your mouth you turn already crying. "Is that a yes?"

"Oh my god yes Sug! I love you! I love you so much!"

Ryomen Sukuna:

Sukuna's grip on your plump hips were sure to leave a bruise. He couldn't resist you especially since you were panting on his weeping cock, trying to fit all of him in. "You're a big girl I know you can do it."

"'s too big daddy."

"Oh?" Adjusting his hips he slammed into you causing your back to arch into him, your mouth agape in a silent 'O' shape. He chuckled licking, sucking, and biting at your neck making sure to leave a trail of hickies in his wake. Continuing with his rough pace you let out a garbled noise as you clung onto him, your head falling into his neck. "Come on pretty girl, can't do all the work myself." Peeling back to look at him, water decorating your lash line, he licked his lips shivering at the sight. He liked this sight of you, how pathetic you looked around his cock. Smirking and slowing his pace, his stroke still hitting deep he teased, "What? Dick got you dumb?" Surprising him, yourself included, you pushed against his chest laying him flat. Planting your feet on the bed, your fingers slowly trailing down the expanse of his chest, outlining his abs, you lift yourself a little more than half off of his deck and slam back down. "Fuck woman!"

"Who's the dumb one now?" You continue with that pace, Sukuna gritting his teeth. This was one of the many reasons he fell for you, you were the only one who was willing to challenge him to gain dominance, although he was always the victor. "Fuck baby just like that." he instructs with his eyes closed. The sound of your voluptuous ass smacking against his thick ,muscular thighs were making him go feral, wanting to empty his balls deep into your sweet cunt.

"Fuuuuck daddy your dick's so good."

"Yeah? You like getting fucked by this big dick?"

"Fuck yes! I wanna have your kids fuuuck."

"Let's get married first."

"Yes, yes, yes!" In the midst of your riding he procured a ring placing it on your finger. Gasping you squeal, "You were being for real?"

"Woman if you don't accept me-" leaning forward capturing his lips you say, "I'd be honored to be your wife Ryomen Sukuna."

[batsplat]

It's a thing I already knew but all your beautiful analysis really made obvious (to me) how much of a grudge holder vale is. That man is never letting it go he's gonna hold his grudges into his grave

you know, I do think this is an interesting issue, because I'm not sure this is true of all his grudges. just sticking here with the grudges he accumulated in his capacity as a competitor, rather than just his general approach to life or whatever... how you judge this will kinda depend on how you feel about the 'reconciliation' he's experienced with some of his rivals - and whether you read the whole thing as sincere or not. now, personally I reckon he still dislikes biaggi, but also you are allowed to just dislike people so I'll give him a pass for that. some of the others, I'm a little more convinced by the whole reconciliation schtick

let's get valentino's take:

interesting that he mentions those three together, isn't it? and like, he's still not messaging biaggi or inviting him to his home - "even with max" kind of tells you all you need to know - but the other two? they said some proper nasty things to each other over the years!! I mean, the casey rivalry, there's some remarks from both sides where quite frankly I think I would struggle just a touch to get over it

I don't know, obviously this could all be pr stuff, but I kind of feel like... y'know, why bother? it's 2022, you're retired, who gives a fuck? sure it's a good look to be all magnanimous, sure it can be a bit of a way of twisting in the knife to the guys left in the cold, but also, who would care if you don't play nice? I think especially with jorge, you surely don't need to do all that, inviting him to your home and dancing with him... (which, again, some of the spats those two had...) and with the casey rivalry, if there's one guy who's still hung up about what happened between the pair of them, it's obviously casey (speaking of blokes who can hold a grudge). maybe this is giving valentino too much credit, but personally I buy it's more or less sincere. there's nothing to really indicate he's still particularly bothered by any of their past disagreements - he's basically going for the 'all's fair in love and motorcycle racing' approach. he knows he was an asshole, he accepts they were assholes too, whatever, that's how these things work. he's generally a fan of drama in rivalries, unsurprisingly, and he was happy enough to contribute his fair share - but he does see it as fundamentally being part of the game

to point out the obvious, check out who he's left out: sete and marc. that's where he can't let go of the grudges... because it's not about the offence itself as much as it is about the betrayal. this is the thing with valentino, right, it's about what kind of bond you had with him. if you weren't his friend in the first place and then piss him off as a rival then, y'know, whatever. obviously he's going to be vicious in trying to get back at you, but also he's really not going to waste his time feeling too aggrieved by it. I mean, think about how all the bullshit between him and casey dropped off sharply post-2012... from valentino's end anyway. think about how jorge and valentino pretty quickly got on again whenever they weren't fighting for supremacy within yamaha. they weren't friends in the first place, then they were enemies for competitive reasons for a while there, then it's over and valentino is basically happy enough to call it bygones

but... if it's a certain kind of bond you had with him and then you wrong him... that little mental list of all his past grievances, all your past transgressions, that's where it comes in. that's where he ices you out. denies you any emotional warmth. ensures that any interaction going forward is conducted entirely on his terms. where even any public 'reconciliation' won't truly be sincere.... or, certainly he's not going to forget what happened. if something else happens... it's like you've always got the potential of triggering this lingering resentment, in a way, where all that past stuff is still primed and ready to be called upon. he certainly doesn't just let it go

or, as he puts it in his autobiography:

Biaggi and I never talk to each other. I mean, we've never had a real conversation, anything that's lasted more than the requisite time to insult each other or put each other down, in the nastiest way possible. In any case, I don't hate him. It's true, we've never been friends, but hatred is something different, and that's too serious a word to describe our relationship. Far too serious. No, we have a reciprocal antipathy. No doubt this is a result of what we do for a living and the fact that we both want to win every single time. And perhaps it's also a function of the fact that we have very different personalities and very different ways of seeing things. Still, I don't think this means we hate each other, as some journalists have written. I think I could feel hatred for someone, but only for someone far worse than anything Biaggi has done. For example, if I were betrayed by a friend, then, yes, I could hate him. But Biaggi will never betray my friendship for the simple reason that we are not, and never have been, friends. Our relationship is very clear: we compete on the track - outside the track, each goes his own way. You could say we detest each other cordially.

... I mean. he said it, not me. and given this book was first published in '05... biaggi can't betray his friendship because they were never friends... I'm not saying he's thinking about sete, but it has to at least be a possibility, right? he's talking about one rivalry here and refusing to even mention the other... and the one he's refusing to mention is the one where he was friends with the other bloke. I don't know, maybe that's reading too much into it! and anyway, even if this passage wasn't really about sete, it's obviously still revealing. "detest each other cordially" is essentially what he was doing with casey and jorge (or from his point of view in any case, not entirely sure they'd agree with that). the grudge comes when he feels let down by you... and then, yes, he'll never let it go

of course, he's willing to set aside his grievances for a while if there's sufficient motivation for him to do so. in 2009, when he had so definitively won that rivalry with sete, why bother kicking up a fuss? in 2016, quite frankly it was just too much, and it was getting to the point where it was obviously hurting him too. on the one hand there was the media furore that had been going on non-stop since sepang, on the other hand it was also hurting his own approach to racing. there's reports from the time how visibly aggrieved he still was in the first few races of the season, and it took until they got back to europe for him to... y'know, have fun again. it's not sustainable to be walking around with a constant dark cloud over your head and broadcasting burning resentment towards your two main rivals. certainly not for someone like valentino - he needs to be having fun! the slight rapprochement needed to happen, in a way, because otherwise those years would have been even worse for everyone involved. but that doesn't actually translate to forgetting any of those grudges. this is about convenience more than anything else

goes to show, really... most of the time he doesn't take these things personally. I talked about it a bit in this post, how maybe it's also something that changed over time for him: the question of whether he was willing to develop these kinds of bonds in the first place with competitors... because he does possess a certain level of self-awareness in terms of what these kinds of rivalries are like and what they do to interpersonal relationships. ideally, you don't want to be hurt by a friend like that, right? better not to have that kind of emotional attachment with your competitors in the first place. how unfortunate it'd be if all those years after sete the circumstances aligned for him to see a competitor as something like a friend again... because, after all, those are the only people who could betray him. those are the only people where he thinks he could truly hate them

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

All the MTC song trailer snippets are out? What are your opinions? :D I think Rio's is surprisingly chill and I'm still torn on Samatoki's, the lyrics might decide that one!

Heyy did you listen to the mtc album snippets ?

Nope. Let's check them out!

Backbone:

Title note: Presumably from 気骨, which has a slightly stronger-- almost noble-- connotation than English "backbone." Someone with 気骨 never lets anything stop them from doing what they believe is right, and not necessarily in the personal sense like in the English phrases "Grow a backbone." or "They have a strong backbone." As some people in this comments section are noting, it's also possible to interpret the title literally. The back is a recurring image in Japanese fiction; in this case, it represents Samatoki single-handedly shouldering various burdens for those he cares about. People are also drawing connections to the Aohitsugi's death motifs and Samatoki's skeleton speaker.

20 seconds in: Okay he literally just says the shouldering burdens bit haha. I guess that part is canon authorial intent

24 seconds in: "Nobody can break my 'backbone.'" If we assume this should be interpreted figuratively, that's like "Nobody can make me do anything I don't believe in." / "Nobody can break my spirit."

35 seconds in: "My 'backbone' is my true strength." This + the traditional Japanese-reminiscent instrumentals remind me of the Katen-gumi. Iirc they have a scroll hanging in their main office proclaiming their dauntlessness, an attribute Samatoki embodies well imo.

53 seconds in: This is a mean-spirited thought, but I always find it funny when Samatoki's like "This god damn city is broken and filthy... *takes a drag from a cigarette*" when the god damn city in question is one of the most affluent in the world.

64 seconds in: With that said, it's nice to see him acknowledging the positive presence he has in Yokohama and vowing to rid it of... whatever ills are plaguing it... taxation and ne'er-do-wells with illegal mics, no doubt. An Ichirou-esque sentiment.

71 seconds in: Props to Asanuma for rhyming jinsei and shinsen so well. "My life is always fresh; this is still just the prologue." Samatoki being receptive to growth? You love to see it. With that said, it's interesting to see the discrepancy between the two ideas of "It's time to change." and "My core values will never change." as we see in this song. I'm not sure how that'll actually play out in canon, so we'll have to wait and see.

Overall: That was fun! It had a nice beat. I look forward to hearing the full song when it drops.

Awake:

Title note: ??? 目覚めた? Like, "I'm woke af now"? Haha let me see what this song is actually about and then come back to this...

Side note: I was staying with a friend-- a buddy from the old scanlation team-- when this song preview dropped, and she was keeping me up to date with this song's delayed release drama. When it finally dropped, she was like "YOOO SLUG, LISTEN TO THIS" and turned her phone waaaay up, blasting the sonorous tones of Mr. Komada into our not at all soundproof hotel room, immediately alerting me to two things: 1. I was not awake enough for this. 2. The illumatic Iruma Jyuto was IN the building and, at that volume, probably in every floor of the building. Anyway, I'm still not awake enough for this, but let's go.

5 seconds in: Love the horns. Very MTC and very Gen III Pokemon. Yokohama 8/10 too much water

20 seconds in: hey hey heeey

30 seconds in: I appreciate the technical skill involved, but I am not comprehending one word of this. I'm going to have to look up the lyrics when I'm done fr.

Overall: Seems fun to rap! Once again, looking forward to the full song.

Top YT comment at the time of writing: Juuto: Y'all never seen me like this before! Me: Yeah, no shit.

Scrolling through the comments: Spare lyrics, ma'am? Spare lyrics for the poor? Jesus, there are some thirsty-ass mofos in this comment section...

Well, I didn't find any lyrics, so here goes watch 2 with a lot of pausing, I guess. Hmm the gist of the chorus seems to be "I'm not fucking around anymore" which-- like someone else has pointed out in the comments-- is kind of how Juuto's been since day one...? I'm not sure what's changed. I suppose the biggest difference would be it's no longer "I'll solve this problem" but "we'll solve this problem." I do like the opening of this first verse: When someone makes bad choices, who's left smiling? Who's left grieving? What is right, and what is wrong? Can that be something for every person to figure out for themselves? Here's another interesting bit: I used to think I didn't have any interest in colluding with other people-- it was more like mutual exploitation. But then I joined hands with a couple of like-minded people, and now we share the goal of victory. Yeah, it seems like the biggest changes here are Juuto embracing teamwork, which hell yeah. Opening up and trusting other people with his mission, in turn taking on their missions and incorporating it into one singular goal? That's baller.

Title note revisited: yeah I guess deadass this is "awake" in terms of "I'm woke now" haha. Or like, "I've come around to [the power of friendship]"

NO WAR:

5 seconds in: Oh, now I get why someone on the Samatoki video called this "Riou's baby-ass song"

22 seconds in: I was NOT prepared for the autotune. I think I'm a little too tired because I found this really, really funny.

30 seconds in: "Conflict isn't entertainment; it's not a show." YOU TELL 'EM, RIOU.

44 seconds in: I always really, really appreciate Riou's unwavering distaste for warfare and conflict even as he considers it something worth devoting his life to. I would sincerely love it if the authors were to ever dive into why Riou has such dedication towards serving in the [whatever] army and whatever cause they were fighting for, but I don't think that's the story the authors want to tell. We probably just have to assume it's for whatever Riou considers to be a morally good cause.

49 seconds in: Ignoring the rhyme-induced silliness of "my buddies are my turret," I like the thematic consistency of each MTC member stressing that they're not alone anymore--that is, that they've given up on their self-imposed solitude--and they have each other to rely on and trust with their backs.

53 seconds in: "Practically brainwashed puppet soldiers" Oh?? Mind expanding on this a little, Hypmic? Again, I doubt the writers are keen to delve into the causes of WWIII or why Riou joined up at all, but the suggestion of propaganda or coercion being involved is tantalizing.

65 seconds in: I like the bit that goes (paraphrased): "What can you see when you look out of your binoculars at base camp? Rifles, revolvers--is that it? Instead of obsessing over who's strong and who's weak, why not be soldier who prays for peace?"

Overall: The lyrics are vaguer and more platitudinous than is my preference, but I fully recognize that my interests in this topic are outside of the scope of the story the writers want to tell. Which is fine! The music is pretty chill; I think I'll like this song when it comes out in full.

My favorite YT comment by a landslide: Thank god he's not making us work out again.

Thank you very much for the asks! :D It's fun to check this stuff out, and I probably wouldn't have done so otherwise.

[clonedchaos]

👟 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓑𝓪𝓵𝓵 🌸

Orchids and Oranges: A Yasammy Week Special

Yasammy week brought to you by @yasammyweek!

Trigger Warning: Minor homophobia (And some tooth rotting fluff and sappy pet names)

Sorry this one was nearly two weeks late, I've been struggling with motivation and I'm slowly coming to terms with having ADHD. Sometimes my brain just won't let me focus on what I want it to, unfortunately. :/ (And a bit of an irl extra update that doesn't really mean much but-- I got a nose piercing a few days ago! Yippee! I love it! It has definitely improved my self image some in terms of boosting my confidence. :D A bit sore, but I decided to write to take my mind off it)

Day 3: Prom Rating: G/PG Summary: Sammy and Yaz have the time of their lives at Prom with their friends… even if a few students aren't accepting of their relationship.

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“Everyone say cheese!”

”Cheese!”

The cameras clicked, leaving Sammy and her friends slightly dazed by the glares of the flash. The boys were done up in tuxes and ties. Kenji had an excessive amount of gel in his hair and Ben was avidly loosening his seafoam green tie. Darius was, of course, wearing a red tie with faint emblems of various dinosaurs on it.

Brooklynn's hair fell down her shoulders in elegant curls. She wore a strapless black dress with a pink ruffled skirt that fell a little past her knees. Glitter was speckled all over the top, giving it an iridescent glint at certain angles. Her faux diamond heels glinted in the setting sun.

Yaz... Gosh, Yaz was stunning. Her athletic physique fit perfectly in a silver side-shoulder gown with a far less dramatic skirt in comparison to Brooklynn's. A black dress jacket wrapped around her shoulders, the sleeves extending down to her elbows. Matching black flats were just barely noticeable; she said she wouldn't be caught dead wearing heels or anything of the sort. Truthfully, Yaz had preferred to wear her usual tennis shoes-- much to Brooklynn's objection. She had expertly done up Yaz's hair in a high ponytail and curled two strands to frame the sides of her face. The blogger had insisted she could do a flawless smokey eyeshadow effect, but Yaz was comfortable in minimal concealer.

She was gorgeous. It took all the self-restraint Sammy had not to scoop her up and shower her with hugs and kisses. Though she wasn't sure she would appreciate the cherry red lipstick stains on her cheeks. Sammy herself had taken ages prom dress shopping; it took numerous facetime calls with Yaz and Brooklynn to narrow down her specific desires. In the end, she had picked out a red ball gown with a cascading skirt. Pink roses went in a diagonal line down her chest with a few others dotted along the hem of the skirt. Unlike Yaz's, Sammy's dress was long enough to touch the floor and help hide her trusty, comfortable boots. To complete the look, Brooklynn had picked out a pink rose headband.

Their parents were watching them in pride, fawning over their outfits and how "their kids were growing up." Sammy even noticed her father getting misty eyed.

"Woo! Party people! Who's ready to hit the dancefloor??" Kenji boomed, picking Brooklynn up and giving her a little twirl.

Brooklynn giggled exuberantly. "Hey! Quit! You're going to ruin my hair!"

"You of all people would know how important hair is, Kenj," Yaz snorted, wrapping her arm around Sammy. Her heart thudded at the touch.

Kenji set Brooklynn down on the ground. In immediate response, Brooklynn leaned forward and playfully ruffled his slicked back hair.

"I'm so excited! I've always wondered what prom would be like!" Sammy chirped, restlessly shifting her weight from foot to foot. "I mean, is it like all those cheesy high school movies? Will there be drama? Will we break into song?"

"Oh, like High School Musical?" Brooklynn asked.

"I used to love those movies," Kenji added.

"What? High school wasn't at all like those movies," Ben crossed his arms with a raised eyebrow.

Darius chuckled and pat Ben on the shoulder. "Oh, Benjamin. Don't you know? ... We're all in this together."

Ben groaned in disgust as the others burst into laughter.

"Alright, kids. Time to take this show on the road," Mrs. Bowman announced, gesturing a hand to the crew's awaiting limousine. For such a special occasion, their parents had offered they ride in style. This was a night to remember after all!

~

"Ooo! Yaz! Look at that! Or-- look! A photo booth!" Sammy had her arm linked in her girlfriends as the group entered the ballroom floor. The theming of this year's prom was "Moonlight Ball." Stars draped down from the ceiling with a disco ball sparkling in the center like a faux moon. The tablecloths and drapery were speckled with stars and clusters of purples, blues, and blacks to form a miniature galaxy. There were even some colorful mosaic planets that were scattered about the room to mimic the solar system.

"They really outdid themselves with this, huh?" Yaz murmured as she glanced around in awe. Their friends were of similar interest and begun chatting amongst themselves.

Sammy couldn’t contain her enthusiasm as she subtly bounced up and down on her heels. She needed to dance! 

“Yaz! Wanna dance?” She chirped giddily.

Yaz blinked. “Me? Dancing? I don’t really know how…”

”It’s easy! Here, I’ll show you!” Sammy whisked Yaz through the crowd until she found enough empty space. She then turned on her heel, focusing in on the upbeat pop music. Definitely not a slow dance by any means! No matter, the Cha Cha Slide is something she'd learned since birth.

”All ya gotta do is follow what the music tells you!” Sammy instructed over the blaring stereos.

”Right foot now!”

Sammy stomped her right foot. 

Yaz chuckled, moved to stand by her side, and followed along. It took her a moment, but she was a fast learner. Soon the two were laughing and playfully twirling one another in between the choreographed steps. At the end of the song, Sammy grabbed Yaz around the waist, picked her up, and spun her. The two giggled joyfully. The world seemed to fall away as the music faded. It was just the two of them, content to be in the other’s presence. What could be better than that? And the night was just getting star--

Someone laughed.

Sammy paused and set Yaz down, glancing to her left. A trio of girls their age was staring in their direction, all huddled in a semi-circle with heads bent close together. A blonde said something Sammy couldn't hear over the opening of the next song. Whatever it was caused her friends to burst into giggles, all three of them casting Yaz and Sammy side glances.

Sammy's paradise fell away before her. Were they... laughing at them? Sammy swallowed down the lump forming in her throat. Her cheeks flushed.

"Sammy?" Yaz asked. Her hands were suddenly in Sammy’s. Sammy looked back at Yaz to find her eyes speckled with uncertainty. Yaz always had beautiful eyes…

”It’s nothing!” She lied right through her teeth. Sammy hated lying, especially to Yaz and her friends. It reminded her back to the days where she was spying for Mantah Corp. But the last thing she needed right now was to spoil their night with a probable confrontation. Yaz did have a history of being the queen of sarcasm after all. And Sammy knew all too well she wouldn't hesitate to call someone out for their nasty attitude.

”Maybe we should get some food,” She offered. That wasn’t entirely a lie, she did have a hankering for some delectable prom treats.

”Are you sure? We just got started?” Yaz asked thoughtfully. Sammy felt her scanning her features to try and discern what was actually bothering her.

”Can’t dance our hearts out on an empty stomach,” Sammy pointed out and quickly led her off the dance floor towards the food buffet. The laughter began to fade over the overpowering boom of the stereos, much to her relief.

The buffet table had pretty standard food; chicken nuggets and fries courtesy of the local Chick Fil A, various fruit options, sodas, coffee, waters. But what Sammy was looking forward to the most were the desserts— brownies, trays of cupcakes, loaded chocolate chip cookies, and even some mini ice cream cups nestled inside a cooler. Tonight she needed to satiate her sweet tooth!

The duo waited in line before it was their turn to load up their plates. Sammy piled on her plate until she had formed a miniature mountain of a meal.

“Hey, Sammy. Try this.” Sammy looked over to find Yaz dipping a strawberry in a rich chocolate fountain. She held it up to her. Both Sammy’s hands were currently occupied in trying to steady her ever growing pile of food. She leaned forward and took a sizable bite, careful not to nip Yaz's fingers. Instantly her tase buds were hit with a smooth and tangy, fruity flavor. The chocolate coating was pure bliss.

"Mhmm. Thash purfect," Sammy rambled with a mouth full of food. Yaz laughed and gave her a quick peck on the side of the cheek. Sammy was about to return the gesture when she felt eyes on her. A young man their age was standing in line behind Yaz, a disdainful look in his eyes. Sammy's face fell.

Yaz noticed the shift in expression and began to turn to look over her shoulder. "Oh! Yaz!" She stopped midway and turned to face Sammy. "Why don't I go find us somewhere to sit?" She asked, privately relieved Yaz didn't notice the scornful look they were getting.

"In that mess?" Yaz laughed lightly, glancing over at the packed circular tables. "We'd be lucky to find a place on the floor to sit."

"What? No!" Sammy moved to stand by her side and nudged her shoulder. "We can't get our gowns dirty! Brooklynn would kill us!"

Yaz laughed again, sending little butterflies fluttering around Sammy's heart. The two abandoned the buffet, Sammy leading the charge to find a space for them to sit. All the while, she still felt those eyes on them. How many people were staring at them; were talking about them? Whatever joy she had been feeling began to evaporate like morning mist. 

After what felt like ages, Yaz and Sammy finally managed to snag a spot... right next to the table of gossiping girls. Sammy tried her best to ignore them, but she couldn't help but eavesdrop on their conversation as she and Yaz dug into their food. 

"... Do you think those two got together because they couldn't find a guy who wanted them?" She caught the brunette snickering.

"Couldn't be me," The blonde replied in faux sympathy.

"It's a shame too. They must've got loads of secret admirers for being famous," A curly haired girl with jet black hair added. "But instead, they turned them down to be with each other."

"Probably just a trauma response given what they've been through," The blonde dismissed. "Things like that are nothing but a phase. It won't last more than a month."

"Is that a bet?"

Sammy felt sick to her stomach. Is that what they thought? What her and Yaz had was... just a phase?

"Sammy? Did you hear me?" 

Sammy jolted and turned her attention to Yaz, whom was sitting by her side. Her hand met Sammy's. She flinched and pulled away. Yaz recoiled subtly, not something anyone would notice unless they knew her like she did.

"Are you okay? You've been acting off since we've got here..." She asked. Sammy couldn't tell whether she was being blunt, concerned, or both at this point.

"Yeah! I'm fine!" Sammy lied again. Her heart felt like it was breaking. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. But she couldn't. What was the use of causing a scene? This was supposed to be their perfect night.

By the look Yaz was giving her, Sammy could tell she knew she was lying. Yaz opened her mouth, about to say something, but thought better of it. "I'm going to head to the bathroom. Be back soon," She said in a unreadable tone. Sammy's heart split in two.

"Alrighty. I'll be here!" She called as Yaz got up and headed off. The moment she was out of sight, Sammy's shoulders slumped and her bright smile withered. She began to pick at her cupcake with a fork, as impractical as that probably appeared.

"Never thought you'd be one to turn down sugary goodness."

Sammy slightly started in her chair and looked up to see Brooklynn flop down next to her. 

"Oof. My feet are beat," She laughed lightly and leaned down to remove her shoes. "The pain of heels, am I right?"

"Yeah," Sammy replied shortly, trying to crack a smile. 

Brooklynn was already on high alert, her gaze searching Sammy's features. It was hard to put anything past Brooklynn. That girl had a nose for deciphering the hidden and unknown. "What's up? I thought you'd be out enjoying yourself."

"I'm alright," Sammy lied again. She hated lying.

Brooklynn crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward. "I know that's a lie, Sam. Spill it. Please?"

Sammy took in a deep breath and glanced over her shoulder. The trio of girls weren't paying her any mind now that Yaz was gone. So, she leaned closer to Brooklynn and confessed. "Alright. Truth is... Yaz and I have been getting looks. Some have been whispering behind our backs saying... less than kind things... I didn't want to tell Yaz because, well, this was supposed to be a fun night. I didn't want to start any drama. And I know how some react to people like... us... I just didn't want Yaz getting hurt if someone instigated violence..."

Brooklynn's features softened. "Oh, Sammy... I'm sorry. I-- I get what you mean. It wasn't always easy growing up with two dads. Don't get me wrong, they're amazing parents. But ever since I was a little girl, when I walked down the street with them, I always caught those scornful glances and snide remarks. I never quite understood why until I was older, and even then it still doesn't make sense." She sat back and gave her a gentle smile. "But you know what? It didn't matter. My dads loved each other, and they loved me. No matter what others thought of them, that was always true. And no amount of hate would be able to stop that."

"How did they learn to work through it?" Sammy asked, still absently picking at her dessert. "Those comments... they hurt. I know they shouldn't, and I know I shouldn't listen, but... it doesn't feel good."

"Not everyone you come across in life is going to agree with you," Brooklynn answered after a brief silence. "There's always going to be self-righteous jerks who think they know best. Whatever they say about you, or you and Yaz, let it roll off your back. They don't know you two. They don't know how you built your relationship brick by brick. Your love for one another, it's special. If they can't see that, it's their loss-- not yours. What's important are the people that love and accept you. They're the ones you need to remember in times like this... Remember what I said on the isle? What you and Yaz have is awesome--"

"Let it be awesome," Sammy finished, brushing away tears. Shoot, her mascara was running.

Brooklynn chuckled at that and dug around at the purse dangling by her waist. She pulled out some wipes and a mascara tube, then went to work fixing Sammy's makeup. "Now, if anyone else tonight gives you two any grief... come get us. We've got your back."

"Thank you, Brooklynn," Sammy smiled. Her soul felt a little lighter. Her friends had always been there for her when she needed them most. Of course they'd have her and Yaz's back against adversity. "...Where are the boys at anyways?"

Brooklynn tossed her head towards the dance floor. Sammy glanced over, careful not to move her head too much in case Brooklynn accidentally jabbed her eye with the mascara brush. Kenji, Ben, and Darius were all doing the Macarena on the outskirts of the crowd; Ben accidentally kept hitting Kenji with his long arms. Sammy laughed, her first genuine one in a while.

Once Brooklynn had finished touching up Sammy’s makeup, she sat back and begun slipping on her heels. “Alright then. Go enjoy the rest of the dance with Yaz. You two deserve it.” Her voice raised and her eyes slid towards the trio of girls who had begun staring at her again. “And if anyone tries to ruin your night, I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate negative publicity on my blog. Brooklanders are some of the biggest Yasammy supporters after all.” Brooklynn’s gaze hardened into a warning, fiery glare. 

The trio quickly turned away just in time for Yaz to make her way back to the table. “Hey, Brooklynn. What did I miss?”

”Oh nothing, just a bit of a pep talk and a personal beauty appointment,” Brooklynn answered, giving Sammy a side, confident glance. Her lips curled into a mischievous smirk. “Would you like an appointment too, Yaz?”

”Over my dead body,” Yaz snorted bluntly and crossed her arms.

Sammy and Brooklynn giggled at the response. Just then, Kenji came up to them and set a hand on Brooklynn’s shoulder. “C’mon party people! The fun is that-a-way.” He pointed towards the dance floor.

Brooklynn abandoned her chair and took Kenji’s hand, reaching up a smidge to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Alright, alright, we’re coming.” She turned her head and gave Sammy a quick wink.

Fueled by newly placed passion, Sammy stood up. She did a grand curtsy and extended a hand toward Yaz. “May I have this dance, my gorgeous, witty goddess sent from above?” 

Yaz laughed at the cheesiness and blushed as she took Sammy’s hand. “You may, my country strong, beautiful cowgirl…” She leaned forward and whispered, “Sorry, I’m not really good at this pet name stuff.”

Sammy chuckled in response and kissed her on the forehead. “I think it was lovely, mi diosa.”

Yaz’s cheeks were turning as red as a ripe tomato. Sammy couldn’t help but burst into laughter. She’d never seen Yaz so flustered before! It was soooooo cute!!!

Sammy pulled Yaz back onto the dance floor, catching a glimpse of the trio of girls watching them once more.

Let them talk. Let them stare. It didn't matter, not really. Sammy had her family, her friends, and she had Yaz. They were her whole world. And that was all that mattered.

[trina864]

Affection and Seduction | J.JK

Summery: Tuesday arrives, and Jungkook takes it a step further. He promises that it gets better and wilder the further you go, but right now? He just loves to make you all flustered. Paring: Jungkook x Reader Lyric: "I take my hands and trace your lines..." Genre: Fanfiction, Romance | Smut. Fluff. Word Count: 4.5 K Chapter Guide: Tuesday Previous / Next - Coming Soon Warnings: Female Reader. Mature themes. Explicit Words. Making out. Smut. Jungkook x reader. Naked reader. Naked Jungkook. Fingering, F!recieving. Sɛx. Dry humping. Very very little voyeurism. Mentions of ropes, ball gag and crops. Brat Reader. Dirty Talk. Female on the pill. No condom sɛx. Friends having sɛx. Not a couple. Friends 2 lovers. Jimin as readers friend. Jimin loving drama. Mentions of past feelings.

Tuesday arrives and you're actually looking forward to whatever Jungkook has planned.

The whole deal is still new to you, and the fact that you're having sex with Jungkook is even newer. But you can't find it in you to complain. You have always wondered what it would be like, that it's greater than you had imagined is your own fault.

Monday had been lovely. You and Jungkook had fallen asleep on either side of the bed, and when you woke it was to the morning sun warming you like a soft blanket. You had spent the morning making breakfast together and dancing to the beats of quiet R&B.

The morning felt like any other whenever you and Jungkook had sleepovers, and that made you feel relieved. Nothing has changed between you, you're still just Y/N and Jungkook.

"Y/N?! Hallo, are you even listening?" Jimin says and waves a hand in front of you.

Jimin sits besides you on your baby green couch, the exact same place where Jungkook sat just this morning.

It's late morning, Jungkook left not even two hours ago. You had totally forgotten the breakfast deal you had made with Jimin and it was only when he knocked at your door that you remembered that the pretty man is visiting.

You come out of your daydream and look at Jimin. "Hm? Yea, sorry what did you say?" Jimin watches as you shake your head and rub a hand against your head.

It's clear to Jimin that you're acting weirder than usual, he just can't figure out why or if it’s a good thing. "Is something wrong Y/N? You seem like you're in another world." He says and you have to keep your laugh.

If only he knew what you and Jungkook have been doing he would understand right away, but you're hesitant on telling him.

He won't understand the situation, he’d just assume you and Kook are in a relationship, even though that certainly is not the case.

"It's nothing Jimin, just work." You say knowing damn well that's a lie. You do feel bad for lying to your friend, but you would feel even worse if he teased you about something that isn’t true.

"Oh yea! How is it going with that book?" He asks and you smile. "It's going well, I just have to figure out how to write the best character growth, and I have no inspiration." You say and Jimin looks at you with empathic eyes.

He knows all about not having inspiration, if he isn't inspired when dancing it usually isn't a good dance.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out, just give it some time." He says and you're about to answer when a sudden noise of your phone has you checking what it could be.

Kookie 🍪🐰:

{ - Come to my place at 18:00 tomorrow?

Y/N:

{ - Sure (; Eat from home? Or no?

Kookie 🍪🐰:

{ - No. Eat dinner here.

{ - Looking forward to seeing you Goddess.

The smile that covers your lips are shocking to Jimin. The way you giggle as you text back a reply to whoever texted you can only mean one thing.

You hear a gasp come from Jimin as he turns his entire body towards you and takes the phone from you. You're about to protest when he again gasps and claps a hand over his mouth.

"Don't tell me you and Jungkook are finally together." He says and you snatch the phone back from him. "What!? No! Why would I and Jungkook be together?" You say and already dread what you know is about to happen.

“I knew it! Fuck Taehyung owes me 15 bucks, I have to tell him.” Jimin says “You guys betted on us?” You ask, you would’ve tried to stop Jimin if it wasn’t because you knew there is no stopping your drama loving friend.

“Of course we did.” He says his gaze fixed on the phone in his hands, “Honestly Y/N you two are very obvious. Again why are you guys not together?”

You sigh knowing you’ll have to explain yourself again for the 100th time. “Jungkook needs his freedom and I do too. We can’t commit.” You say but the sad tone in your voice is not unnoticed by Jimin.

He knew there was a time when you were totally obsessed with Jungkook. You hung him on the moon and stargazed after him every day. Jimin never knew when or why you stopped loving him.

And to be honest he didn’t dare ask. There was just something so sad and unsettling surrounding it that he couldn’t get himself mixed up in.

Jimin stayed with you the rest of Monday, even when you had to work he stayed in the living room stealing your food and binging tv shows. Jimin has always been like this, especially with you. There are times you think he may have separation anxiety, but you know he really just likes to be together with people.

He leaves when the time hits 10 pm and you can finally get your well deserved sleep.

The next day at 6 pm you stand in front of Jungkooks door. The whole day you have had butterflies storming around in your stomach. Jungkook had texted with you all day and you swear you have never gotten so much attention from anyone before.

He had written good morning, and asked how work was, he had written he was looking forward to seeing you, and much more.

As the door opens and the man finally shows himself in front of you all the butterflies makes a twirl. You know it's not even been 24 hours since you last saw him, but the new deal between you two is still so exciting.

"You look good." Jungkook says as you enter and give him a hug.

You smile before saying “You don’t look too bad yourself.” He laughs and walks into the apartment. His white tshirt is not hiding much, the see through material makes it so easy for you eyes to peek at all the tattoos adoring his body.

Jungkook is a walking sin in your eyes, but maybe that’s just the idea of what’s going to happen later that’s making you feel like this.

The new feelings around Jungkook are so foreign, you’ve never felt like this ever.

Sex and the world around it isn’t a stranger for you, but you’ve never been this far off into the world.

You’ve never been this excited about sex.

You walk in Jungkook's heals all the way into his luxurious kitchen. His apartment have always been your favorite, not even your own could compare with the comfort and style Jungkook's has.

“I would say I hope you like spaghetti, but I know you do so I’m not going to say that.” He laughs and it infects you too.

The silence afterwards as Jungkook cooks dinner and you admire the smell of Jungkooks famous spaghetti, is nice and easy.

In the background you hear notes of Frank Ocean, and outside the sun is settling down.

But the curiosity which fills your limbs are too strong and you break the silence. “So what do you have planned for us after dinner?”

On Jungkooks face the little mischievous smile shows on his face again and he shrugs leaving you in the dark.

“What do you want to happen?” He asks daring and stirs in the spaghetti without looking at you.

“You know…-“ you walk closer to him, you stand behind his back and go up on your tippy toes to reach his ear. “Maybe I want a bit more this time.”

The reaction is instantly, he turns around leaving the stove, and presses his lips to yours. If it hadn’t been because of the stove he would've lifted you up on it and taken you right there.

But the stove is on, and he only just manages to get his tongue in when the clock goes off and you have to break free from each other.

It’s hard to let go of him and his arousing body, but you’re also looking forward to that spaghetti, and if he accidently overcooked it you would be very mad.

A minute or two later he's leading you into the dinning area together with the hot pan. As you reach the table a gasp reaches your lips. The table is covered with a red tablecloth, burning lights are placed between two white plates and wine glasses are standing proud on the table.

It's very beautiful... and maybe a little too romantic?

A weird feeling bubbles up inside you and you can't decipher it. It's a mixture of awe and yuck. Old feelings comes to the surface, but you quickly pushes them down again.

Jungkook's happy face and hoping eyes makes you hesitate on telling him how weird you feel about this, and instead you go with it.

You hurry over to a chair before he can pull it out for you, and you sit down with a more than a forced smile. Jungkook doesn't notice though as he places the hot stove in front of you and sit down before you.

From the window behind him you see how dark the night is getting and small lights from the city shines behind him, it looks as if he's surrounded by stars. You pull your eyes away quickly as the word 'beautiful' crosses your mind.

"This is so pretty Jungkook, I can't believe you've done this. How long did it take?" You ask to ease the nauseas feeling mixing with something really old.

"Not too long, I just thought I'd do something nice for you, y'know as a way to show you that I'm grateful you accepted my offer." He says and that eases some of the heavy feelings which swept over you.

"Well you sure did do something very nice." You don't mean to make it sound like it does, like you're ungrateful, but just as the words leave your mouth and his face falters slightly you know it's too late.

"You think it's too much?" He asks and the insecurities shines through, all of those you have spent hours talking with him about.

"No! Not at all Jungkook, I was a little frightened at first why it was so romantic, but it's very nice I love it." You sugarcoat the words a lot and make sure to not hurt him again, you hate hurting Jungkook.

Jungkook has always seemed tough, he says things like he thinks them, but he has so many emotions that one would never think about.

You do though, but that’s just your person, you think.

The two of you eats after that awkward moment and you quickly forget about it as the food touches your mouth.

Jungkook's spaghetti truly is the best!

He laughs as your face converts into a look of overwhelming joy. His secret weapon to get to you is food, it has always been food.

As the plates slowly gets emptier and emptier your anticipation rises, so does goosebumps on your arms as Jungkook's leg roams yours under the table.

His poker face is too good, not even the slightest hint of a smile on his face as he talks on about a funny encounter he had with Namjoon a day ago.

You don’t hear anything he says, all you hear is your own heartbeat, and his breathing.

You can’t look away from his lips even when you try your hardest. It’s frustrating to lose control like this, but you’ll admit that it’s also exciting.

Jungkook stops talking as he notices where your attention lies. A look plays on your face, a look he’s slowly getting very familiar with.

“Are you listening Y/N?” He asks, and you shake your head no, too allured to pronounce words.

It’s just the entirety of him that’s way too enchanting.

Suddenly he gets up and you sit still in your chair as he walks beside the table and over to you.

His right hand takes a hold on the backrest, and his left on your thigh, then he gets closer, lower. You both hear the gulp you make. Your cheeks are burning with the heat from Jungkook.

It’s the same feelings as yesterday, excitement and lust.

When he finally connects his lips to yours it’s in a hungry kiss. He doesn’t waist any time today and opens your mouth and lets his tongue in.

The game has started and you can feel it quickly escalating. The both of you stands up and Jungkook immediately starts undoing your pants and rips the shirt over your head.

You’re left in underwear, which you feel is very unfair, but as you pull the white thee off Jungkook's body and his tattoos shows up it isn’t as bad.

You don’t know what it is about his tattoos, but they turn you on so much that you get the thought you want to lick every dot and line of them.

His arms wraps around the back of your thigh and he pulls you up. You wrap them around his waist, and it surprises you how thin his waist is. Yesterday you were too overwhelmed with other parts of his body to notice his waist, but damn did you miss that beautiful waist.

You kiss him harder and press yourself deeper into him, and down by your womanhood you can feel Jungkook growing.

Before you even notice Jungkook has walked you into his bedroom, where purple led lights are shining and making him glow.

You’re in awe at how handsome he is and you stop for just a second to appreciate him.

“What is it?” He asks very lustily and very gently.

“You’re just very beautiful right now.” You answer honest and almost cringe at how that sounded. Normally you would never say something like that, but whatever it’s just one time.

In the corner of his mouth a small smile rises, but he hides it by kissing you again.

Small and light kisses all over your face, and it makes you laugh. He slowly goes over to the bed and lays you down carefully.

You love rough sex more than anything, but this right now is not bad, it’s different, and you need to get used too it, but it’s sure feels amazing.

Then the happy hour breaks as you remember this isn’t forever, and you shouldn’t get used too it. And old feelings play through your mind. You push them away.

When you’re finally laying on the bed, Jungkook crawls up from the foot end to where you’re sat at the top. His back muscles flex and unflex, and his tattoos dances across the skin.

You don't understand the attraction between you two, it's so strong, yet still too weak. But you don't need tro understand it to act on it.

His sweatpants are still on, but you can clearly see the bulge he's hiding in them. It’s big and ready for your touch.

As if it was a lifeline you grab onto his cock and Jungkook’s response is instant. A moan, a grunt and then he manhandles you up over his lap.

He softly guides your trembling hips over his crotch, and the pleasure extends over both your faces. Jungkook's fingertips traces the line of your panties and he smiles at the cute small bow.

So extremely sinful, yet that little bow just makes him look at you with the tenderest grin. Not that you notice you're too hypnotized by the work of his crotch and his cock hitting you. Even thought it's covered by clothes, you can imagine the way it would slide into your pussy.

Jungkook can see a wet spot on top of his sweatpants, which makes him pant harder. Your thighs around his hips makes him hard, and you feel that, as his dick pushes up underneath you.

You make sure to sway your hips extremely careful and precise over it, Jungkook's face trembles into pleasure.

“Hmm, you like it when my hips are on top of yours like this?” You ask and press harder.

Jungkook knows what he must look like, but right now he doesn’t care.

Until he suddenly does, and something between you switches. The little dominance you had overtaken shifts and Jungkook pushes you onto your stomach.

His hand stays on your lower back, pushing your cunt into the madras, and making sure you feel the friction, and it’s obvious that you’re feeling the friction, your moans are loud and clear, and very begging.

“Jungkook! Jungkook please, please do something!” You say and Jungkook only mocks you by pushing you deeper onto the madras.

"What? Hm? What was it again that you chanted yesterday?.. Something about my dick?" His voice is deeper than usual, much like it was yesterday, and you can feel him at the shell of your ear, breathing into it.

"Mhm! Yes, yes!" You stutter and hump into the madras. Jungkook chuckles looking down yours and his body. You're laying flat on your stomach and he on top of you.

His dick is uncomfortably hard, laying flat across your ass. The power he has over you right now is unbearable, he's sure he could suggest anything right now, ropes, crops, ball gag, he could pull up the weirdest shit and you would jump in with both feet.

But he has a plan that he wants to follow by, and even if the thought of you gagged up and bound, is very intriguing he has to wait, just a little longer.

“Mhm, well then you’ll have to be a good girl for me.” Jungkook says and his lips drags across the skin on your neck. You only whimper which is enough signal for Jungkook to go on.

“Let me watch as you touch yourself,” He says and kisses behind the shell of your ear, “Show me how you please yourself.”

The image of you touching yourself with Jungkook's eyes watching your every movement is both sensual and anxious. Will he be satisfied with only watching?

Of course he won’t. Jungkook plans on burying his cock deep inside your pussy and drown it in your juices. But he has always had a deep desire to see you touch yourself, ever since the day you spoke to him. Were you chanting his name when your fingers graced your pussy? Or were you thinking of his body?

He needs answers to that question.

You moan as Jungkook humps over you, a little warning hump, on what’s going to happen afterwards.

Your hands reach down quickly and it’s a little difficult getting under your stomach and down to your clit as Jungkook’s weight also pushes down over you. But once your hands finally touches the fabric of your panties, you hump down over your hand.

Jungkook’s name immediately leave your lips, as if it was him who did it. And you do it again and imagine his long fingers doing it, just like yesterday.

Watching you like this, all fucked out and needy does things to Jungkook. He felt it yesterday, but it has come back today.

“Yea just like that baby.” Jungkook groan, and his hand finds it way down to yours. As his hand takes over the speed involves and you can feel yourself falling into a deep aroused hole, which you’re not sure you can come out of.

While all this happens and Jungkook adds two fingers into your pussy, he plants small kisses of affection all over your neck and upper back.

"More... More Kookie." You moan, and Jungkook can't control his smirk. "More Yea? Then turn around." He says as he raises himself off you and pulls his hand away.

The missing action makes you want to pull him back, but the thought of Jungkooks dick finally entering you is so much more appealing, so you control yourself and turn around like Jungkook had told you to.

Jungkook waits until you're finally laying down, head against his pillows which he knows is going to smell like you tomorrow. When your big eyes all needy for him looks up at him like this, he is reminded why he asked for this deal in the first place.

You're very beautiful in his eyes, and never being able to just tell you is killing him. But at least he can show you now.

Jungkook unties the straps of his sweatpants and your eyes follows every move. It's sensual and sinful watching the buff man peal off his clothes for you.

And when he finally pulls his boxers off as well and his cock jumps up to his abdomen, you're panting and rubbing your thighs against each other. Jungkook notices and that only feeds his ego.

"Take your underwear off, Y/N." He says, adorable smile playing on his lips, in contrast to his angry dick.

You immediately follow suit and pull your bra and panties off. You stay like that for a minute appreciating each other bodies. The erotic picture of Jungkook naked in front of you makes the sheets wet under you.

"Shit, Y/N, you look so good right now-" He says, but you cut him off by pulling him down and kissing him.

The way your lips move against each other is a new feeling. The both of you have gotten used to how the other kisses, and it gets better and better for every time you do it.

Between kisses Jungkook whispers all sorts of dirty things while he closes in on your body. "Mhm, I bet you're wet enough for the neighbors to hear it through the wall." "My sweet little baby, all needy and whiney for me." "I'm gonna coat you in my cum."

All these sorts of things leaves his mouth, and if you weren't this turned on it would probably have been gross, but his words only adds to the pleasure between your legs.

It's you who breaks the kiss. You lock eyes with him, they shine purple in the shadow of the led lights. Your hand slides over his cock, giving him a few pumps, and Jungkook moan in surprise.

"I want you. Right now." You say and Jungkook sees how serious you're trying to be with this. "I'm all yours Y/N." He says and line his dick up with your pussy, and finally you moan in union as he slips into you.

You've had sex many times with different people, but there's something totally different and even more intimate about this. The sounds you both let out are loud, and Jungkook moves fast from the beginning grinding into you with force. "Ah.. Fuck Y/N."

Your legs close in to get even more pleasure, but Jungkook rips them apart and pushes each of your knees down to the madras. "Shi- it." You say in response and Jungkook smiles down at you and bends to kiss your forehead. Your hands on Jungkook's back scratches as his dick hits your g-spot and his pelvis hits your clit. "Kookie.." You moan and turn your head, too deep into the pleasure to keep up. It doesn't take long before you feel your orgasm build up. Your whole body is glistering with sweat and so is Jungkook's. The white sheets are wrinkled up underneath you. Jungkook's hands leave your knees and instead takes a hard grip around your waist.

"I'm gonna try something baby, tap me twice if you want me to stop, okay?" You can't answer, no words will leave your mouth so you only nod.

When Jungkook said he wanted to try something you had not imagined that meant turning you over and onto all fours.

You're placed on all fours and Jungkook knows exactly what he's doing. He knows this is your favorite position, and you also happen to know it's his.

Jungkook's dick is still inside you, but he slowly pulls it out leaving only the tip. "Lay down for me goddess." Jungkook says and pushes on your upper back. With the little energy you have left you fall down, and only your ass is in the air now.

His hands hold tightly around your waist, and suddenly Jungkook hammers his dick into you with a force that has you nearly banging your head into the headboard. "Shit...!" You yell and are aware that the neighbors have full access to the noise you’re making.

His dick slide in and out of you and Jungkook can feel your walls tightening around him. It only adds to his desire and makes him push into you with even more force. His hands on your waist are giving electric shocks, and he lowers himself over your back and whisper into your ears.

“Do you feel that huh? How my cock is fitting so good into your pussy. Such a pretty little pussy, so tight and ready for me.” He says and that plus a very good hit in your g-spot is what tips you over.

Your orgasm hits, your back arches and it’s Jungkook’s weight over you that keeps you pressed down into the bed. You walls clench so much that Jungkook’s grinds slows down and it’s not long after you feel him twitch inside you and he pulls out and cums on your back. "FU- U- CK, Y/N..." He says.

He collapse on top of you and the white stripes of his cum mixes in between you. Not that you care, you’re both basking in the silence and satisfaction after the sex.

It fees magical, this moment. His body warmth is like a blanket, you want to keep him around you forever.

But after a few minutes he rises and the sticky noise form his cum fills your ears. He kisses you, “let’s get you cleaned up.” his arms sneaks around you and lifts you up.

Carrying you through the house and over to his bathroom he places you in the bathtub and fills it with water. There’s not once where he turns his back to you or his attention away, and you feel like a wanted person.

The water is hot and suites into your muscles loosing them up.

“So what happens afterwards?” You ask when you sit in the bathtub, asking yourself if he would kick you out now or not.

“You stay the night and we wake up together tomorrow, sounds good?” His hands play around with the water from your bath. His eyes are locked with yours and it’s weird seeing Jungkook this affectionate.

Usually when you see him with other girls, it’s sex and goodbye. You never knew Jungkook could be such a gentleman.

A smile plays on your lips, “That sounds good.” You say and try to hide how giddy you feel.

After the bath Jungkook carries you back to the bed. A movie is rolling in the background as you lay cuddled up by Jungkook’s side. You’re mostly watching the movie, but Jungkook just can’t pull his eyes from the small creature which is you laying in his arms.

When you fall asleep Jungkook turns off the movie and he too falls asleep next to you, with you pulled tightly into him.

Next morning you wake up first. Your legs are sore and your hair is a nest. But even so you lie smiling looking at Jungkook taking small puffs of air and clinging onto you like a little child.

You wouldn’t change this morning for anything in the world. This deal is the best thing you’ve ever agreed to.

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[kelcemenow]

As The Snow Falls - Chapter 5.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 2629

Warnings Some angst, some mentions of controlling behaviour and past trauma, slight smut and strong language.

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

"So, what are you going to do?" Amie looked at you with wide eyes.

You held your stare on the view out of the large window, the trees dusted in crisp, white snow, "I have no clue."

Amie sighed before taking a sip of her coffee, "Isn't it funny? If you'd have just both told each other how you felt back then, this whole situation may not have even happened."

"Yes, I see the painful irony."

"Like, you two could've been a couple by now."

"Amie-"

She widened her eyes, "You could've been married to him!"

You looked up in frustration, "Alright, stop it!"

Amie shrugged her shoulders and sank down in her chair. You took a deep breath and stared into your mug, a small amount of milk froth swirling on top of the brown liquid. You liked Travis, you liked him a lot. His presence caused you excitement, almost making you feel like you were back in college with a crush again. There was undeniable chemistry between the both of you and a sexual tension that you could hardly stand but something was holding you back.

"You're worried about being hurt again, aren't you?"

"I'm always worried about being hurt again."

Amie tipped her head, leaning forward to reach for your hand, "You need to let that go. You're never going to truly move on and be happy if you don't."

You could feel a lump forming in your throat, "But what if he finds me again?" You whispered.

Amie shifted to the edge of her seat, "And what if he doesn't?"

"I could never bring that drama onto Travis, it's not fair. It's not worth the risk." Your voice trembled.

"What's up, bitches?" Jasmine shouted as she pranced over to the window.

You turned away slightly to avoid her gaze and Amie retreated from you, smiling at Jasmine, "Hey, what's up?"

"Travis is rich, right?"

Amie glared at Jasmine whilst you looked at her from the corner of your eye.

"What do you mean?" Amie questioned.

Jasmine settled into the spare armchair that was situated next to you, her hands running through her hair, "You know, he's rich. He's just won the Super...something. So, he's gonna have some money behind him. He's famous. Not my idea of famous, but sports famous."

You snorted a sarcastic laugh which attracted her attention.

"Look, I know, you two were having some kind of moment in the hot tub earlier but I was thinking of asking him out." She crossed her arms, "I just wanted to check whether it was worth my time?"

Amie's mouth gaped open as she listened and looked to you for your reaction.

You stayed silent, clenching your jaw as she continued.

"He's brutally hot, don't get me wrong, but I need more than that. I need someone who can...keep up with me and my lifestyle, you know, financially."

You pressed your lips together and furrowed your brows, holding your nerve and your tongue as much as you could.

"So, what do you guys think?" She glanced between you and Amie with expectant eyes.

Amie cleared her throat gently, "I think, maybe you should get to know him a little better? See if you two are compatible?"

Jasmine laughed, "Oh, please. I'm compatible with everyone." She stood up from the chair and turned to you, "Y/N, can you put in a good word for me? You two seem...close." She said with a smirk.

"Uhhh, y-yeah sure." You stuttered.

You both watched as she floated away, her hips swinging and her head turning, seemingly in search for Travis.

Amie leaned forward to you, whispering, "You're not going to actually do it, are you?"

You shrugged your shoulder, "Yeah. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?"

"What kind of friend-? Are you kidding?" She hissed, "She has been vile lately. I mean, she's always been a bit...you know, but honestly, I think she's getting worse, Y/N. I can't believe you don't see it, she's walking all over you! Just like-"

"Just like Aaron did, is that what you were going to say?"

"Yes! He did and she's doing the same." Her face softened slightly, "I want you back, Y/N. I want the Y/N I know and love and became best friends with over three bottles of red wine and a Cup O Noodles!"

You exhaled a laugh and hung your head, "I'm still here...somewhere." Sighing, you rested back against the wall, "I didn't know if you had realised the date but it's been a year since I left him."

Amie nodded gently, "Yeah, I'd noticed but I didn't want to make a big deal about it."

"A whole year, and he's still looming over me. Every date I go on, every new city I move to, every time I just walk down the street, I'm still worried that he's there. I answered my front door for the first time without panicking last week and I almost broke down crying at how amazing it felt. That's not normal, Amie."

"It is for someone who has been through what you've been through."

You smiled meekly, "Even if it is, I'm tired of it." You looked around the room, "I'm just tired full stop. I think I'm going to have an early night."

"That's probably a good idea. You've got an early ski date in the morning." She raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, stop it."

"What?" Amie laughed, "You told me you wanted to have an early ski in the morning and Travis apparently said the same thing. No reason you two can't go together?"

"I suppose so." You said as you rolled your eyes.

Amie giggled and reached across, pulling you in for a hug, "Just enjoy it. Relax...and see what happens."

You held your mug to your lips, hiding the growing smile of excitement on your face when Travis appeared at the top of the staircase.

"Ladies." He nodded, his eyes lingering on you for a little longer.

Amie stood up, smiling, "You'd best have your wits about you, Jasmine's on a hunt for you."

Travis quickly scanned the room, "What? Really?"

You pressed your lips together, "Yeah. She's set her sights on you and usually if Jasmine wants something, she gets it."

Travis laughed, "Well, she ain't getting me, man."

Amie threw her arm around Travis' shoulders, needing to lift up onto her tip toes to reach him, "It takes a brave man to deny the princess, I wish you all the luck in the world." She squeezed him before walking away.

Travis raised his eyebrows at you and turned on his heels, heading back upstairs with haste.

______________________________________________________________

You found yourself wide awake again, tossing and turning in bed as you struggled to find a comfortable sleeping position. Your stomach was churning and your mind was whirring with thoughts, mostly of Travis.

The gentle wind whistled through the trees and although the sound would usually ease you into a restful slumber, tonight it only mocked you and your inability to sleep at all.

Pulling the blanket away from your body, you felt the cool air wash over your skin and you sat up onto the edge of the bed. Your toes rested on the hardwood flooring and you rubbed your eyes roughly with the heels of your hands. Shaking your head, you stood up, heading straight for the bedroom door, your feet having no attempt to stay quiet. You quickly grasped the handle and pulled it down, opening the door and making your way down the corridor.

Your eyes strained to see in the dark and you held your hands out in front to guide you. When you reached the right door, you took a breath, your fist raising higher, a gentle knock alerting the person inside.

"Yeah?" Travis' muffled voice rang out through the door.

You quickly entered the room, pressing your back against the wood once you were inside. Your eyes fell onto Travis, relaxing in bed and scrolling through his phone. The sheets covered his body from the waist down, the fabric lightly draped across his legs. His bare chest made your knees slightly weak, his bulging arm muscles only making you worse.

He stared to you, dropping his phone to his side, "Y/N, is everything okay?"

You held onto the door behind you, "It is now." You breathed.

Travis raised an eyebrow, "I don't understand?"

"No, neither do I." You smiled and shook your head, "But as I was laid in bed just now, struggling to sleep...I realised that I just wanted to see you."

Travis' face lit up as he listened to your words.

"I always want to see you. I used to make sure I walked past the football field on my way to classes to double my chances of seeing you that day. After graduation, I made any excuse to go to back to Ohio just in case you were around. And I don't know why I'm telling you this-"

"I'm glad you are." Travis interrupted.

You pushed yourself from the door, taking a space on his bed, "No, but this is the thing. I have no idea what I want from this, I don't know. It would be so complicated-"

Travis shuffled closer to you, "It doesn't have to be."

"No, it would be. Because I am. I am complicated. My life...I've had some pretty fucked up things happen and I really don't want to drag you into it all."

Travis eye's flickered between yours, "I don't care, if it meant having you, bring it on." He reached out and held your hand in his.

You looked down at the bed and sighed, "I'm being serious, Travis. It's the reason I've moved around so much."

You paused as Travis stared intently, waiting patiently for you to open up to him.

"I...was with a guy. For a long time but slowly...slowly things didn't seem right anymore. He...he-"

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, or if you can't right now." Travis' soft voice soothed you, his gentle touch on your hand easing your growing worries.

You closed your eyes and lowered your head, taking a long breath. You wanted him to know, you wanted him to understand but your head was telling you that it was all too much, too soon.

You shook your head and looked back into Travis' caring gaze, "It's late, I should go back."

You looked into his eyes, your heartbeat rising into your throat as he licked his lips. You leaned forward as he did the same, pushing the sheets away from his legs. His scent surrounded you and your skin tingled with how close you were to him, his hand slowly moving up your arm.

"Y/N, you wanna stay here?"

You nodded, your breathing becoming heavier and heavier. Travis' eyes widened and both of his hands moved to your waist, pulling your body slightly closer to him. The room seemed to fade away and all you could hear was your own heartbeat as Travis slowly leaned in and laid his lips onto yours. You stayed still, allowing his mouth to move across yours with ease. Your eyes fluttered closed and you slowly tilted your head to the side, parting your lips and allowing the kiss to deepen. You felt his hand move up to the side of your face, his fingers tangled in your hair. The kiss was passionate, but gentle and soft. You inhaled, allowing your own hands to explore him. His buzzed hair, sharp facial hair, solid shoulders and warm chest sent your senses into overdrive, your hands dragging themselves down his body. Travis shifted on the bed, allowing you to turn yourself more so that you were facing him. His thumb ran across your cheek, your skin tingling with goose bumps. When he pulled away from the kiss, his eyes opened and settled onto you, his gaze darting around your facial features with adoration.

His bottom lip twitched for a second before he took a breath, "We can just...lie here if you want? If you want to get some sleep?"

You smiled and shook your head, "No, I don't want to sleep anymore."

Travis' eyebrows lowered, just enough for you to notice, a slight expression of confusion before his hand returned to your face. His lips connected with yours once again, but with some more pressure and passion than before. With one hand keeping your balance on the bed, you rotated yourself and laid down, pulling Travis on top of you. His frame loomed over you, slightly to one side and his right hand roamed your body. His fingers dug into your hips, grabbing at you roughly and desperately. You writhed underneath him as he shifted himself fully on top of you, using his knees to pull apart your legs. His mouth moved to your neck and you gasped for air once you were free from the kiss. Travis hummed against your skin, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine.

"Oh my God." Travis mumbled between kisses.

Your fingers ran up his bare back, "Are you sure about this?"

You waited for a response but Travis was too busy laying soft kisses down to your collarbone.

You tapped him lightly on his shoulder, "Like, are you sure this is what you want?"

His head lifted quickly, his mouth formed into a wide grin, "Are you kidding? This is all I've wanted!"

You smiled back at him, pulling his face to yours and as his arms slid underneath you, you wrapped your legs around his waist. His tongue slipped into your mouth, running it along your own and causing you to groan with pleasure. Something inside of you began to tighten, a burning sensation growing up into your chest. Your pussy throbbed and you could feel a wetness beginning to form on your pyjama shorts, Travis' hard mound pressing into you. One of Travis' hands roamed down to your ass, squeezing the firm but voluptuous flesh before sliding down to your thighs, his touch leaving goose bumps in their wake. His fingers danced at the hem of your shorts, gently lifting it and stroking your soft skin underneath.

You flinched as his touch grew closer to your slit and Travis quickly pulled away from you, studying your expression carefully.

"Are you okay?" He said, his voice thick with concern.

You nodded with closed eyes and cleared your throat, "Yeah, yeah...I'm fine. Sorry."

Travis lifted his chest away from you, his eyebrows furrowed, "Are you sure? We can stop if you want?"

You could feel your eyes moistening, "I...I'm sorry."

He stroked your hair gently before helping you to sit up, "No, no. You have nothing to be sorry for."

You sniffed and shook your head, "I want this, I really do."

"Hey, stop." He whispered, "You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Your heart swelled as he spoke, his sweet and caring nature making you smile.

He tenderly pushed some hair behind your ear, his hand lingering at your cheek for a few seconds, "How about we just get some sleep? Apparently, I'm a pretty good big spoon?" He winked, followed by his classic charming smile.

The corners of your mouth curved upwards as you giggled, "Yeah, okay. Thank you, Travis."

He shifted himself over to your side as you laid back onto the bed, "It's okay. I got you."

His arm rested itself across your stomach before pulling you closer to him, the curves of your body fitting perfectly alongside him. You felt his lips lay a gentle kiss on your temple, his soft and steady breathing relaxing you completely as your chest began to rise and fall with his.

______________________________________________________________

I finally got it out! I'm sorry to everyone who has been waiting but I've had a very busy couple of weeks! This story has a couple of more episodes left in it and if I'm completely honest, I'm going to miss it! If you want to be added to my Taglist, please let me know and I will of course add you to it so you never miss another chapter!

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[fiannalover]

Ok no one ever talks about Atelier Games in this Website so I'm gonna drop my unscheduled unplanned unscripted ramblings and screenshots about the Yumia trailer:

Short Version: Yumia seems to be Very different from every prior Atelier Game, going towards a more Actiony, Traditional RPG and Linear Story Driven focus than even the Iris Series and Ryza, alongside maybe doing so to gameplay elements too. However, the vibes and themes are Excellent, so although this will likely be inevitably a controversial (and potentially newbie boom inducing) title, I'm ready to love it.

Trailer Screenshot rambling under read more

YGGDRASIL, THE WORLD TREE! That's how you know it's a Traditional RPG (disclaimer: this tree has no name or given story relevancy yet, I'm joking around).

We get to see some movement and world design moments alongside the initial narration, and in this regard, Yumia fully follows in the footsteps of Ryza 3, but More. Zipline segments from there are back, and I wouldn't be surprised if Yumia was Fully open world 90% after Ryza got about 85% of the way to being an open-world game.

We get a sneak peek of the verse's Alchemy System here! We can't really say much about it: the Alchemy Core may just be an item a la the supplements of games past or a full game mechanic. If the latter, my immediate thought is that it would be again following up on Ryza 3, this time the key system, maybe on reverse, even: if they keys were an optional feature on the end of synthesis, the core could be the mandatory first step affecting Synthesis Results. We have to wait to get more info, but it's fun to think of.

Here we have the part I feel has the most potential for controversy: Battle System. Very early on, we see Yumia shoot down a fox? Cow? Foxcow hybrid? With a crossbow in real time. No UI Elements were shown in the rest of the trailer, leaving us the question: after Ryza swapped the traditional turn base for ATB, is Yumia going to change it to Real Time Action RPG?

I actually don't think we can say for sure. Again, no UI Elements means that the ambiguous identity animal could just be a non hostile mob you can kill for materials, while actual enemies are fought in turns/ATB. I don't mind which one they go with (Atelier's cousin, Tales, shows Namco does great ARPG), but one way or another, I am GREATLY looking forward to seeing the Turn Based RPG Discourse join the already lovely Bad Takes On Atelier Landscape!

With those rambles on gameplay out of the way, let's talk about the OTHER very different element: the plot.

DWAGON! Always an important Atelier Staple!

Someone get Vayne in here.

If we are to understand these screenshots as happening in chronological order, Yumia already starts the game in a commander position of a village that is preparing against something, and is promptly wiped off the face of the map. Even the most story/drama heavy Atelier games (that I played) (I'll get to you someday, Iris series) kept a generally light hearted and war crimes free atmosphere. We still don't know how it will work out in game, but it is already a very big tone shift.

This part with the wolf man enemy stands ou too for Yumia's capacity as an action protagonist. I'd say this is the most unambiguous show of strength a series character has shown. like yes, Ryza is described as a capable fighter from Ryza 2 onwards, Vayne clearly knows how to fight, but most of their actions are gameplay land. Ryza 2 ALSO leaves it clear that, story wise, Lent is the group's Actual Trained Powerhouse Fighter.

In contrast, both story and gameplay parts of the trailer leave it clear Yumia is physically capable of holding her own, another evidence of how the game is set to be tonally different from predecessors, doubly so as you realize Yumia has no companions with her on this trailer. I even to get to wonder if she'll make her journey fully solo, which would be something COMPLETELY new for the series.

But what is similar?

This part of the trailer, alongside the title's focus on memories, gave me wonderful Ayesha and Ryza 2 memories, my favorite games in the series.

Both Ayesha and Ryza 2 put a big focus on ruins and the memories of yesteryear they hold. Ayesha is set in a dying world filled with buildings left behind by those who killed it. Ryza 2 has you scouring each and every inch of the ruins in search of the memories of people who lived there, their lives, their stories, how they connected to each other.

Yumia seems like it will be focused on that: holding on to the memories that others have entrusted to you, and using them to find what if your right future, your envisioned land. Truth and Ideals, in a way.

Yumia is going to do a lot of things likely radically different. But I'm sure it will keep the core parts right: the alchemy, the light, slice-of-life elements amidst the action, the somber, atmospheric ambience of Dusk and much, much of what the Ryza Trilogy constructed.

And I can't wait to see more.

[bridgetoesoteria]

🥰Timeless Love Reading 💟💗

Heyy back with anotha one! ➡Poll correlates with the piles⬅

Hope it resonates :)

Collective: For everyone I am getting the message that its time to break out of limiting beliefs. It may be time to face some fears or other things you have been avoiding.

I'm using a deck that I very rarely reach for these days. It was my first deck and I loved it! But it reminds me of someone who ended up really hurting me so I avoid it. But today I felt drawn to it for this reading and realized I didn't want to let them taint my life any longer.

I feel that everyone is being called to do that in someway. Take back your power in love and start controlling the narrative more.

Using Sun and Moon Tarot + The Afro Goddess Clear Vision Duo

Pile 1: Summer

4 Card Spread: The Lovers, 3 of Cups, Queen of Wands, and Princess of Pentacles. Bottom of the deck is Ace of Swords.

I'm getting a pretty bright and cheery energy. So either this is where you are or where you are headed. Yay! Love to see it 🥳 I'm bumping some Amy Winehouse right now. It always makes me feel so sultry. That's kinda the same energy I am getting from your reading.

I think you will be going out and having a great time. You will be re-discovering your sexuality. You will truly be "feeling yourself" (no pun intended!). Some of you could be getting frisky and I see the possibility of children, so take precautions if you are not ready for kids. But for others, if that is what you are hoping for this is a good sign. Some of you may be looking to expand your families.

For others, I think you will have a suitor that comes forward and makes you forget about the past. It looks healthy and honest. (This doesn't mean trust blindly. Always maintain your boundaries and trust your intuition!). Its possible they could make a proposal like asking you on a date, asking to make it official, or something else. Seems like there is romance and mutual love ahead ♥

TL;DR: You will definitely be feeling yourself, if you aren't already. Rightfully, so! What's wrong with confidence. You might be feeling a little hot in the pants *wink wink* so take precautions if you are not looking to get pregnant. You might meet someone that is a good match. Still make sure to trust your intuition and maintain proper boundaries. These are important ingredients for any healthy relationship.

Oracle: Sensei + Passion

Hopefully, you can see the images. Look over the messages and take what resonates with you. You will know its for you by the way it makes you feel.

Yeah... I know what I'm talking about when I said I saw some spicy energy in your reading. Luckies! I am also getting a bit of a marriage vibe.

Pile 2: Autumn/Fall

4 Card Spread: King of Cups, 6 of Wands, Ace of Cups, and 2 of Pentacles. Bottom of the deck is The Emperor.

Jamming to Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson. Go listen! It may have messages or a vibe you resonate with! Omg and now Brokenhearted by Karmin is playing. I remember when I thought this was Cher Lloyd lol... anywayy..

I am getting such good energy for this pile! I love it. You could be romantics at heart. I am getting a free spirited energy. You don't let heartbreak keep you down and jaded. You always find a way to come back out on top and open your heart again. That is seriously impressive! Its not easy or common to be that resilient! (In case you're wondering, my phone is now playing Drama Queen (That Girl) by Lindsay Lohan). Go you! 😊🙌 If you aren't here right now, this is a sign that you can get there! Manifest it!

I do see someone coming in. They give me kind of goofy energy but well-meaning. They might have more serious intentions than you think or they could have a serious side. I do feel like the ball will be in your court in some way. So just know everything can go the way you want it to. I think this can apply to love overall. You're in a very attractive energy.

If you are going through a heartbreak, you will get over it. I don't mean that in a dismissive way. It just feels like you will start to snap out of it almost. The pain may linger but you will find ways and people to distract yourself.

Some of you are wondering if you should reconcile with a certain person. I see them thinking the same thing. You both feel the same way but probably don't show it. This is probably more of a communication problem and difference in love languages. If you do decide to get back together, try to get to know each other in a more light hearted way. Focus on the moment for now, instead of the bigger picture. Maybe get one of those "couple's questions" type of decks from Amazon.

Some of you may be trying for a baby and I see positive signs here. Make sure to really tune into your empress energy. Know that you have abundance interwoven in your energy and DNA.

TL;DR: Some of you may be experiencing some friction with a partner or may be newly single. You will feel like going out and doing you. I see that you and this other person may struggle with communication and understanding each other. Take some time apart to cool off. Don't make any impulsive decisions you will regret later. If you choose to reconcile, focus on getting know each other for who you truly are. Maybe do this in a light hearted way with some couple's quizzes/games.

Oracle: The One of Wonders + Oil and Water

I'm definitely getting some kind of love-hate vibe. Someone you can't live with but you also can't seem to live without. I knew I was getting an LGBT vibe when I started this reading. I think some of you in this pile could belong to the community. Whether you are single, or going through a break with you partner, I see you dusting off the "freakum" dress and wildin out. Maybe you feel like you deserve this. You've earned the right to have some carefree nights.

Hey, I'm not going to stop you. If you like it, I love it! Go ahead and get it out of your system. Just be safe my dearies. Remember you might end up having a veryy honest discussion with a partner/love interest so don't do anything you might not want to share.

Pile 3: Spring

Off the Bat: Before I even began shuffling I was getting a kind of scorned feeling. Some of you may be thirsty for some kind of revenge. That's kind of funny because I have been wanting to do a "Get Your Lick Back" reading 🤣🤣 But I didn't know if that was too messy for the first week of 2024.

4 Card Spread: Queen of Swords, The Chariot, The Magician, and The Devil. Bottom of the deck is 6 of Cups.

I think you will be taking more charge in your love life. Its like you have a fire under you that's driving this energy. You could be experiencing some kind of heartbreak or toxic cycle.

You will probably be hearing from this person or reaching out to them yourself. It will be up to you what you want to do with this situation. You could take them back and have passion but its likely that you will realize you have outgrown this situation. I think you have learned a lot about this person and you are ready to put up better boundaries.

Some of you could be leaving this person. You may not trust that they are going to maintain whatever change they are showing you. If you do know this person to be toxic and hurtful, you are making the right choice.

Regardless of your specific situation, I do think with the Chariot and Magician in the middle of your reading, you have the power to manifest whatever you need. Harness whatever surge of passion or energy you get and use it to go after what you want. Some of you will manifest communication after a fight or about a fight or betrayal.

For others I see your relationship improving. I think more effort will be put in to try and protect your foundation. It feels a bit scattered for some reason. I think your intentions are in the right place. Perhaps you would benefit from couple's counseling or something similar.

TL;DR: You will have the choice to end a toxic relationship or cycle. Some of you may find that you have outgrown a person or situation. You could manifest communication from someone that reveals some kind of truth. For others, there is a commitment to protecting what you have built with each other. If you fall into that group, consider couple's therapy! Ball is in your court no matter where you fall.

Oracle: Oil and Water + The Librarian

Read over the information for each card. I think the messages meant for you will jump out at you.

Lift Me Up by Rihanna and Demons by Imagine Dragons may have some messages you resonate with. Also check what the year of the dragon may mean for you

Pile 4: Winter

Off the Bat: I am getting a lot of air energy! I also turned off all my music and stopped sipping. Some of you could be moving into a pretty serious energy. You have priorities and don't want to waste energy on nonsense.

4 Card Spread: Page of Swords, King of Swords, 10 of Swords, and King of Wands. Bottom of deck is 10 of Cups.

Some of you could be dealing with a break up. If it hasn't gotten to that point, there may be a lot of cold energy between you and your partner or love interest. Perhaps they want to act single and keep you a secret and you just aren't cool with that? Or perhaps they have a secret of their own. I am picking up on some kind of immature and selfish behavior. I almost want to call it ridiculous. So maybe that is how you feel. Others of them may be burying themselves in work to get over some kind of pain. Whatever the case, you are not feeling emotionally fulfilled.

You feel comfortable putting a pin in things. Even though you may feel quite compatible with this person in a lot of ways, there is something missing. I feel like there may be lack of emotional availability from both sides but it could feel like they don't see you at all.

You may find yourself walking away with a heavy heart. I am seeing you represented by some very powerful cards! The Queen of Wands and High Priestess! This person may not have acknowledged your worth but that does not mean it isn't there. You have a lot of inner strength and power. Your mind and intuition are sharp. If you know you can do better, go out there and manifest it!

TL;DR: You may be kicking an unfulfilling person or situation to the side. If you are not being recognized and cherished by your partner, I think you already feel that it is time to go. You definitely have the energy to attract what you deserve. No more settling. You are walking away to get your mind right.

Oracle: Parted Paths + The Dependent

I hope you can see that. Please take read over the messages from each card and take what resonates.

Thank you everyone for stopping by. I hope it resonates. I've never done pick a card style readings before.

~K

[bucchus]

Honestly it just feels like 911 has been going in circles for a while now. During season 5 i was already kinda getting bored and frustrated with some aspects of it so i only watched season 6 sporadically when they then moved to abc i was like I’ll give it another chance… liked the opening disaster and was then positively surprised by bi buck. But looking at the show now… literally every character seems to be in the exact same place they were years ago there is nothing really new happening anymore i feel like I’ve been watching the exact same storylines over and over again. There are hardly any new faces popping in that could freshen it up and if they do the side characters are gone again after a few episodes. Bobby and Athene have communication problems every season and Athena is a cop that gets some copaganda shit to do. Henren always have drama when it comes to expanding their family and hen‘s job. Chim never has a storyline outside of his wife and maddy is only needed when something regarding abuse pops up. Buck just recycles through wanting to find love and being dumped (now with the addition of male love interests but they still can’t even say his sexuality on camera) and Eddie is still finding himself and trying to heal. It‘s getting so repetitive i kind of wish they will end the show after season 8 because it seems to be getting worse and worse.

i agree mostly. i think tim really meant it when he said characters shouldn't change. i just took it to mean that their core characteristics should be kept intact while still growing into better versions of themselves. it's weird that tim seems to have forgotten about that part. recycling the same issues over and over doesn't make for good storytelling, imo—it just gets boring. the outcome is always the same—it seems like a given character has finally found the answer or made peace with themselves, only to circle back a season or two later. it's exhausting.

that said, it does remind me of real life in a way. people often think they've learned a lesson, only to end up repeating the same patterns over and over again. it takes tremendous self-discipline to change how we approach things, since we tend to stick with what feels most comfortable. so, in a way, i get why some of these characters fall back into the same habits—it's realistic. but here's where this argument falls short—as oliver likes to point out, this show is not a documentary. it doesn't have to reflect real life 1:1. honestly, who wants to watch characters constantly go in circles? it may work for a little while, but there comes a point where you have to know when to stop. i think buck's had enough failed relationships to have learned how to navigate or fight for one. i think bobby and athena have had enough conversations about difficult topics to understand that it's better to approach the situation in a healthier manner.

i'm not saying these problems need to disappear completely. i'm saying that it'd be nice to see the impact of the previous situations on the current one, with a character actually drawing from past experiences and trying to do better. it doesn't mean the character has to suddenly be perfect in that aspect—just that they're clearly trying. it'd be enough, and i think it would make for some compelling storylines. and once that's done, why not introduce some new challenges? why stick to the same tried-and-true approach? sure, it worked in the past, but that absolutely does not mean it's still the best option moving forward.

and don't get me even started on henren—or on CHIMNEY. who's chimney outside of being maddie's husband, jee's father and a paramedic? because i don't think even the writers know. that's why he's missing for like six episodes in season 5. maddie's gone, and suddenly no one knows what to do with him anymore, so they just write him off.

and when it so happens that chimney, maddie, eddie do get individual storylines, they’re always tied to the same past we’ve already revisited a thousand times. i get that it’s part of who they are, obviously, but is that really all there is to those characters? how about creating something new for them to go through and then exploring the repercussions of that instead? not just pretending the arc is over and leaving the consequences behind? seriously, is it really that hard?

[inchidentally]

It wasn't me who started crying when I read that Lando and Oscar would one day stop being teammates. This is a strange feeling my body went through. Why did I cry? Why? Oh my God! I don't think I want to experience that.

oh babe trust and believe we're all ???? at how much Lando and Oscar as teammates has hit us it's wilddd <3 they've done absolutely nothing performative or loud but apparently massive amounts of mutual respect is the absolute best drug out there for us.

(under a cut to keep out of teams' tags)

considering how evenly matched Lando and Oscar have been this season and Lando saying over and over again how Oscar has pushed him to be better I'd say we have one of the fairest shots of them deciding to stick together at McLaren beyond 2025 as anyone on the grid apart from Charles and Carlos. I only don't put Lewis and George in there bc no one but Lewis knows how long he's going to stay in F1 and their bond is primarily professional. they like each other for sure but they're in very different positions in their careers to say the least.

but Charles and Carlos are a really good example of two drivers who've found an incredibly solid bond and mutual respect riding out extremely tough times and wildly varying fortunes. the fact that both of them are equally eager to remain with Ferrari in spite of everything is at least in some part because they know their relationship will never become one of the things hindering either of their careers. there have been plenty of moments where outright rivalry or preferential treatment could have altered their dynamic but it never has. they see each other as totally unique drivers with very different careers and can keep all of that rivalry drama out of it (including Carlos' gd family doing their best to try create it w the help of shit stirring fans). Charles and Carlos fully expect the other to fight for the championship as much as the other will but there's no existing history or personal pettiness to muddy that into a problem.

and while it's a totally different dynamic, that's exactly the kind of 'mutual respect above all' type relationship we can see with Lando and Oscar. and to me the fact that Oscar spent at least the previous 8 years getting to know Lando from a distance, plus the fact that Lando has always been so open about his mentality and his mental state, is so specifically helpful to their dynamic. especially because they're so close in age and Lando not being the type to wield his F1 experience over someone else or get all cocky about it. and I think that's specifically in response to how much Oscar chose to let Lando be at the forefront of visibility and demonstrably positioning Lando as The Star. I would NEVER have imagined that Lando would respond so positively and supportively to a rookie teammate winning a sprint win before him. I don't mean that I think he would've been a jerk or petulant, I mean that my expectation was for that win to become a permanent wedge mentally between Lando and Oscar. but nope, he genuinely actively warmed more to Oscar even more after that <3

good god I cannot shut UP but what I'm saying here anon is that we should honestly just not bother thinking about the end of 2025. there's as much likelihood that Lando and Oscar will look at RB and Mercedes and think nah I'm better off here at McLaren as there is either of them going elsewhere. bc driving Max's car or dealing w Toto could easily not be worth it - esp since McLaren seem to have a steadier upward trajectory than say, Aston Marton (so much would have to change for AM to be a forward career move for Lando or Oscar).

quick fic side note but I'm absolutely dying to have the time cleared to read Superdense Neutron Star/Post Supernova bc god I can tell that fic is going to live with me

but the easy, non-compromising relationship they've already formed considering that they're both young and hungry is SUCH a strong pull for staying together at McLaren. Oscar is happy for Lando to be whoever he needs to be and that means Lando will only get higher and higher in the rankings. Lando has responded to Oscar's deference off the track by giving him praise and respect that means any of Oscar's currently unknown to us but inevitable insecurities are taken care of. while no one can say what will happen we can at least say that we've got the best setup for them staying together!

there's also of course the obvious: Lando being so deeply embedded at McLaren and getting star treatment that he wouldn't get anywhere else - and the fact that Oscar took a massive gamble to get to McLaren and has been watching Lando's career so closely for so long. sometimes a career can take so many unfair hits that someone like Alex Albon finds at least temporary stability with a Williams but hope to move on. sometimes a driver can be shrewd and organized enough to get themselves into exactly the right spot like Carlos with Ferrari but he doesn't have complete security. but sometimes it's entirely possible that a young up and comer (or two) finds exactly the right fit from the start of their F1 career and succeeds for years and years!

and looking even further ahead to when they're both closing in on like 30 everything in F1 will be so different that I can't even fathom it so I'm just choosing to not bother! it's like how I see ppl in IG comments saying they hope Oscar marries Lily and I'm like ??? I just see married ppl as SOOOO different to college age that I don't know how people can make those leaps but maybe I'm just super immature lagfljafjh

side side note that while I'm absolutely positive Max and Lando would be horrific in every sense imaginable for Lando, I do occasionally enjoy imagining Oscar there at some point simply bc he's the only driver I can imagine giving RB pause. he's so smart and adaptable that he'd fucking dominate immediately in that car and they'd be braindead to not think hmmmm, this guy is (for example) only 25 and Max is almost 30 - maybe we should let Oscar choose a few specs for himself and see what happens. he could match Max in car smarts, focus and ambition but oooops he also has a sense of calm under stress that Max will never have. Max could openly despise him and it wouldn't affect Oscar's performance at all. and oohhhh to have Oscar be the one to topple the ivory tower nepotism at RB with a nailbiter of a WDC decision in the final race? to see what Max does in response to that? to have Alpine fanboys throwing chicken tendies at the wall watching Oscar's podium where he's also celebrating the championship? ohhhh fuck that's a tantalizing thought.

SORRY lol I really do not see that happening I just find that image so fucking hot. I don't actually want to see Oscar having to deal with RB in reality.

[bobbinalong]

You're joking. Please say you're joking. You mean to tell me Sara died just so Jay can blame Nia and that can further develop HER character. Not Jay's, Nia's. Because it's clear this isn't about Jay. This isn't even his book. He is just the friend (if they can call each other that given their interaction was brief lol) whose mother died so now the main character (Nia) is going to have drama and angst and character development because of it.

While yes, character favoritism does annoy me, usually at least I can just... not read the book? And be fine. But this is literally changing the status quo A BIG TIME. And Jay doesn't have any books now or even some coming soon so I guess he'll have to deal with this off-page. He just got him mother back, he doesn't deserve this!!! After all the crap they've been trough, they both deserve a happy ending. I'm so UPSET WTF!!!

I know it sounds like I don't like Nia, I swear I don't have a problem with her and enjoyed her origin story, but having to fuck up another character so she can have character development really pisses me off. It's the same as Chip's current treatment of Damian except this one actually changes the status quo.

I'm sorry for the negativity, I'm just really pissed lol.

Don't be sorry, I totally get why you're pissed.

I'm reserving (total) judgement until we actually see how this plays out but yes, right now, it doesn't look good -- and even if the story that comes out of this is enjoyable and I personally like the way Nia and Jay develop because of this, the point it started at will probably always leave a sour taste because as smarter people have pointed out, a mother dying to further develop other people's stories is, at this point, a very tired and played out trope.

As for character favouritism, I'm holding off on calling it that, but if this does turn out to be about Nia and nobody but Nia, ... I was about to say I wouldn't be surprised but no, that's actually not it. But Nicole Maines did originally play her on Supergirl, like, that's kinda her character, in a way, so I guess I would at least get that. Somewhat. It would still suck, though, obviously.

On a slightly more positive note, these tweets do kinda of make me hope we'll see Jay and in not just a minor role in this/Nia's story going forward. Like, especially the "Jay knows exactly who he blames". Of course that could also just mean "they're not gonna be friends anymore" but I hope we at least get to center his feelings, too, if we already unceremoniously killed his mom.

Also, not sure how to fit this smoothly onto the rest of this tangent, I'm kinda disappointed Sara's gone before she even got to be a character. Like, the woman is essentially a blank slate. We can assume she's devoted to her son and to her country but outside, that's it, because so far she's only appeared to be saved after being brutalized and then to be thrown out of a window. So even if this all furthers Nia and Jay's story in a satisfying way, it still sucks that there's no care for Sara Nakamura as a character/person in her own right. She's just Jay's mom whose death'll drive a wedge between him and a friend and I suppose that's all she'll ever be now, when I think she'd have had a few interesting stories in her in her own right or could've at least served as an interesting addition to the wider Superman cast.

So yeah. Be pissed. God knows I will be if Nia's the only character who gets anything out of this.

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Have I written some 26k words basically only based on some of the insane promo treats we've gotten - and twisting it around to waltz right back anything that could become canon? Apparently yes. *shrugs* Do I know where I'm heading with this? Nope. Will that keep me from it? Also nope. Have at it, peeps! Cheers!

This Future We Choose

Part 1/???

Part 2 • Part 3

While Eddie won’t use the Q word, even in his mind (if only to keep a very exasperated Buck from pestering him), things have been relatively calm ever since he got to the station.

In general, things have been just that. Calm.

Well, except for the chaos which are the wedding preparations, which are in full swing these days. Though Eddie was glad he could opt out of that, for the most part. The part he’s involved in largely revolves around the tasks Buck was assigned (insisted to to be assigned). Because that means he has to deal with Clipboard Buck wanting to make everything perfect, and upon his sister’s request make sure he doesn’t go into some kind of frenzy. Which Eddie will gladly do. That’s one of the easiest tasks for him, really.

But other than that, and the usual chaos there always seems to be, it’s been… calm. Things have been going great with Marisol. Sure, some bumps in the road while getting to know each other, but Eddie never had any illusions about it that things would be a smooth sail start to finish. But overall, it feels like life is going in the right direction again.

Even though there’s been a shipwreck not at all that long ago, it doesn’t feel like they have been lost at sea for quite some time. Which is refreshing.

Eddie is pulled out of his thoughts when he feels Buck’s arm brush against his as he settles down next to him on the couch.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Eddie greets back. He doesn’t miss the clipboard clutched between Buck’s fingers. “Back to wedding planning, I take?”

“Laugh it up all you want, but if you don’t write it down somewhere, you’re going to forget it. And those two most definitely are,” Buck snorts. He takes the pen he’s had clipped to the top and ticks off some boxes.

“What’s the achievement you can tick off, then?”

“I found the perfect location for Chim’s stag night,” Buck announces proudly. “I had to promise Maddie that we wouldn’t do anything crazy. She’s right, we’re way too accident-prone taken together. So we’ll keep it simple. Nice lounge all to ourselves, nice suits, good food, lots of booze, and some silly challenges Chim will have to do, so I have blackmail material for the rest of his life.”

“Was that the reason why you insisted on planning the stag night?” Eddie grins.

Buck would have planned the entire thing alone, had his sister let him, but Buck understood that this was important for Maddie and Chimney to do together. Though he would not let go of the responsibility of hosting the stag night. To quote: “You can pry that from my cold, dead hands.”

Buck smirks back. “What other reason could I possibly have?”

Eddie chuckles softly. He is glad to see Buck this cheerful again. He’d been worried, for quite some time. Ever since the lightning strike, really. Buck had told him some time back that he no longer felt the same. Which Eddie understood, better than maybe he ever wanted to. Because he doesn’t like to think back to his close calls. He wants to look forward, not back.

Eddie’s worry had grown significantly when Buck ended up in the middle of Kameron’s and Connor’s relationship drama over the child he helped them have. Buck hardly spoke to him during the time Kameron camped in his apartment. While he can joke about it now, Eddie has no illusions about it that it must have been extremely tough on Buck. Not just because Buck suddenly had to take care of a woman he technically helped get pregnant, but to help two people navigate to the life he helped them to. And that while struggling himself with the knowledge that he would not be part of that life he helped create.

But the baby is there, and Kameron and Connor have settled into their new home in Washington, to be closer to Kameron’s parents. So Eddie hopes that the distance actually helped Buck along. If he had to guess, it did. Because the forlorn expression, the longing with which he looked at his niece or at Christopher, it seems to have faded somewhat. These days, Buck is busy helping Chim and Maddie have their dream wedding, and Natalia of course.

Eddie will have to admit, he was not too sure about that relationship at first. He felt like he was having a flashback, Buck ending up with in a relationship with someone right after a traumatic event. And then of course, Natalia’s profession, her closeness with death… it honestly didn’t sit quite right with Eddie at first. Because he didn’t want to think about it anymore, how Buck died, how Buck was dead.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds.

But Natalia wasn’t like he feared she would be. She is lovely and supportive. She knows what she wants in life. And Eddie gets the impression that Buck can talk to her about some of those things about his death that Buck doesn’t share with anyone else.

So yeah, all in all, it’s calm.

Eddie is called back to reality by the noise of the pen being stuck back to the clipboard. He taps Buck’s biceps lightly. There was something, right. “Oh, before I forget. Marisol suggested we could go on a double date again. She found this supposedly amazing Indian place that’s all over social media. You and Natalia in?”

Double dates have been great, honestly. Natalia and Marisol got along right from the start. And while Eddie definitely won’t admit to that, it made things a bit easier. Sure, he’s went on dates on his own, but having Buck with him always puts his mind at ease. And Eddie likes to think that it also helped Buck smooth things out with Natalia, as they had a bit of a rocky start, to say the least.

“Oh, ugh… that’s…”

Eddie frowns at the way Buck’s entire body seems to tense up.

“Natalia and I… broke up.”

Eddie tries hard not to stare, but he is not sure he manages. “What? How long?”

“About two weeks. She got the last of her things she had over at my place, like, two days ago,” Buck answers, barely moving his lips apart as he speaks.

Whiplash is what comes closest to what Eddie feels hitting him right at that moment.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie asks, hoping that he doesn’t come across as too demanding. Because it’s not like Buck owes him that information, even though they are best friends. Eddie just feels like this is something he should have known.

Or at the very least, suspected.

Buck shrugs it off in a vain attempt to make it seem casual. “Because it’s not a big deal, honestly. We both came to the conclusion we weren’t heading anywhere. It’s not like it was with Taylor or so.”

“You were together for months,” Eddie insists. “That’s a pretty big deal, if you asked me.”

“I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to make this a secret. I guess I was still sorting myself out. Because, as you said, we’ve been together for a while,” Buck tries to explain, but Eddie can sense that there are things Buck would rather say, but doesn’t. He can see it by the way he purses his lips. Because Eddie knows Buck.

“But you are… you are okay?” he asks, softer this time.

“Totally. This was the first time I managed to end things before anyone got hurt. That’s what I call improvement, right?”

Eddie looks at him sternly. “Buck, you don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re joking, even though you’re likely still sad about it. So yes, you’re pretending,” Eddie sighs.

He knows Buck, better than Buck probably knows himself at times. At least that’s what he keeps getting told, even by Buck’s own sister. So Eddie feels like, yes, he knows him. Which is why he knows Buck, since a young age, learned to make people think he is fine, even though he is anything but that. Because he was always more afraid of the pain of being left behind than he was of facing the pain of handling things on his own.

But Eddie won’t stand for it. Ever. Buck doesn’t have to be in pain for him to see him.

“Sorry. You’re right,” Buck concedes. “I just… I wanna try to see the positives.”

“And that’s okay,” Eddie exhales. “But allowing the negatives has to be okay, too.”

“Frank taught you that?” Buck teases.

“He wrote it on a sticky note and hands it to me every time I go down that route, because he says he’s too tired always repeating it to me,” Eddie huffs.

Frank is great, actually. He helped him a lot. Some time back, Buck said that therapists are like reality filters. And he’ll have to give him that, Frank does just that for him.

“I kinda love that guy,” Buck chuckles, but then his face twists again into that fake smile Eddie hates more than anything.

Eddie opens his mouth to reply something, but then the alarm goes off.

“Duty calls!” Buck rushes off before Eddie can say anything more.

So much to how things are calm. More like, the calm before the storm, huh?

###

Eddie settles down on the bench next to Buck, who is still rummaging through his locker to get out his spare shirt. Looking at Buck’s bare torso, he can’t help but still think about how it used to be marked by Lichtenberg figures not at all that long ago. And how odd it felt when they were gone without a trace. Like none of that ever happened, even though it did.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds.

“So, to touch up on our conversation earlier…,” Eddie begins.

Buck lets out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes at him. “Eddie, honestly, it’s fine.”

“I’m not saying it’s not fine. I just want to offer beer and pizza over at my place, if you feel the need to talk about it,” Eddie argues.

He doesn’t want to press, but he knows that Buck needs a bit of a push sometimes. And Eddie feels like he owes it to Buck, to keep pushing. Because Buck has done that for him, even though Eddie pushed back very hard. Buck was one of the reasons why Eddie went to therapy. Buck didn’t give him an easy way out. He became his check-in with reality, until Frank took over the duty.

And Eddie is thankful for that, he honestly is. He knows how hard that must have been for Buck. To not just pretend like all is fine, to step into the room with him. To be uncomfortable and even risk being blown off by Eddie for it.

So, to his mind, it only seems fair to do the same for Buck now.

Even if that means being a little pest about it.

Buck slips on the clean shirt. When he sticks his head through the collar, he has that dorky expression on that always makes Eddie smile at him fondly. “So the guy equivalent of having ice cream and watching romcoms.”

“We can also do that, if it makes you feel any better,” Eddie snorts.

“Nah, I’m down for pizza,” Buck laughs, sitting down next to him, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s. “Under one other condition, though?”

“Condition?”

“I get to pester Chris a bit.”

“How’s that ever in question?” Eddie huffs.

“Well, as you keep lamenting, he grows up so fast. So I need to get as many hours out of him before he’s too cool to hang out with his dad’s best friend,” Buck explains.

“You have my allowance to pester him, even when he’s too cool to hang out with you. Because he damn well has to keep hanging out with me, too, whether he’s too cool for all that or not,” Eddie huffs.

“Awesome. Then we should get going.”

“Once you made yourself look presentable, sure,” Eddie snorts, running his hand over Buck’s still messed-up hair.

Buck dodges his hand away. “Thanks, dad. Do I have to tuck the shirt in, too?”

“Nah, that’s fine.”

“You’re a great friend, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know I’m amazing like that.”

“You really are.”

“Right back at you.”

The two smile at each other. Buck then turns his head to look at the lockers. His eyes seem to fix on Eddie’s open locker. Something shifts in his demeanor, only for a second, too short for Eddie to decipher it. But before he can say anything, Buck gets up, shoulders his bag, and throws them both shut.

“Then let’s go!”

###

The ride over to Eddie’s place remains mostly silent. They go back and forth about their choices for pizza toppings the way they always do (because Eddie will fight anyone over having the audacity to put pineapple on pizza, including his best friend). Christopher is very happy about Buck coming over, and the pizza, of course. And despite being a bit on the moodier side of his teenage years these days, he and Buck soon fall back into their usual rhythm of talking about anything that comes to mind and playing some video games after dinner.

Though Eddie can’t shake this sense of foreboding, all the way until Chris is fast asleep and he’s rummaging through the fridge to grab the beer he’d promised Buck. Because something is definitely up with Buck, and if he had to guess, it doesn’t only have to do with his recent break up.

But Eddie is going to get through that. He’s dealt with worse. They both have.

So he grabs the beers and proceeds to the living room. Buck looks only a bit uncomfortable on the couch, mindlessly playing with a loose thread on his shirt. Eddie settles down next to him, holding out the cold bottle to Buck. He takes it, flashing a bit of a shy smile.

“So,” Eddie sighs.

“So.”

“Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

“Want is a strong word,” Buck huffs, choosing to play around with a loose edge of the beer’s label instead of the loose thread on his shirt.

“You know how I mean it.”

“I don’t know, honestly. It’s been a first for me, too. Because things have been going great with her. I still like her a lot,” Buck admits. “I still miss her, to be honest.”

“Then why break up?” Eddie asks.

“Maybe the self-help books have taken over my brain, but… one of those things I keep thinking about all the time is… what do I actually want in life? Ever since the lightning strike, I… I feel like… like I’m not going to get another chance like that. To come back from the dead. Sure, lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice, but… there’s always another disaster right ahead. Which makes you think about your choices in life all the more, you know?” Buck chews on his bottom lip pensively.

“I felt the same, whenever I had a close call,” Eddie admits in a hushed voice. “It forces you to reevaluate your choices. I get that.”

After he was down in that well and almost died, it changed a lot of things for him. And unknown to Buck, Eddie changed a lot about his life, too, by putting him in his will.

“I mean, I’ve spent quite some time even before that, trying to figure out what I want. What truly makes me happy. But after the lighting strike, after I… died… I just wanted to try again, to get back in touch with myself, to not just act like myself but… be myself again. Looking back, I guess I was looking to Natalia all the harder because she was fascinated by death in a way I’d always been myself.”

Eddie grimaces. “Fascinated?”

Because he can safely say that it was not fascinating to watch lightning strike through Buck, to see him dangling up there, not to find a pulse, to do compressions and see nothing happen on the monitor, counting the seconds, praying, praying, praying, and still nothing.

“Like, I was never fascinated by other people dying, but I know a part of me was… chasing it, this feeling of coming close to the edge, and taking a U turn at the last second. It always did something with me that I can’t really explain. So yeah, I guess fascination is the best word I can come up with, for the lack of an alternative.”

“Well, you do have a track record of getting hurt, for your parents to see you,” Eddie mutters.

And while Buck seems to have made his peace with that somehow, more so since the lightning strike, there remains a petty part in Eddie that keeps holding that grudge in Buck’s stead. Because he won’t ever understand how parents can look at their kid, and look away the way Buck’s parents have done it with their kids. Yes, he ran away from responsibility for a while, but Eddie can safely say that he never looked at Christopher like he was a nuisance. He was afraid of not being enough for him, never the other way around. Just like he never looked at his son to be anything else, never the means to some end.

“Yeah, that’s… certainly been a recurring theme, I’ll give you that,” Buck hums in agreement.

“… Which is why you felt like she was seeing you.”

Eddie had wondered, for a long time, what Buck had meant when he told him that Natalia saw him. A small part had been hurt at that, to be honest. Because Eddie always got the sense that he had an eye on Buck – and far more importantly, that Buck knew that he did. That Buck dared to rely on it, when he’d grown accustomed to not having anyone in his life to have his back. That people only saw what he projected, and never what lied underneath.

But looking at things now, Eddie starts to see where Buck came from with this statement. Natalia saw him in a way none of them did, couldn’t possibly. Because none of them could feel any fascination, thinking back to this moment. He certainly doesn’t. And while Eddie tried to offer support, to be that shoulder for Buck to lean on as he’d been to him during his breakdown, Eddie knows he tried more to distract than turn the light on it. Be it poker nights or having him spend time with Christopher, to get him out of his own head.

In that sense, he made Buck look away. And Natalia made him look at it. Because she was fascinated by it, she was not afraid to look at it. And deep down, Eddie is still afraid to look at it, to remember it.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds of not having Buck in our lives.

No, he doesn’t want to remember that. He wants that to fade, like the Lichtenberg figures. He wants this world gone he was stuck in for three minutes and seventeen seconds, forever.

“Yeah. Natalia was seeing me the way I had always tried to get my parents to look at me, I think. Subconsciously, at least. Like, to me, feeling alive… truly alive… I grew up with this sense of how I could only ever get there if I was living on the edge. Getting close to death was the way to live, for them to see,” Buck tries to explain.

“So Natalia looking at you for how you died and came back… felt like you were back alive again, in a way that you haven’t felt since all of that happened,” Eddie concludes.

“Yeah,” Buck confirms. “Which means that, in the end, I was chasing a former version of myself. Maybe not Buck 1.0, but…”

“… Evan?”

He shrugs. “Maybe, I don’t know. But might be.”

“Then, what changed?” Eddie wants to know.

Buck leans further back on the couch, inhales, exhales, then inhales again. “I helped Connor and Kameron have their baby. I held that little thing in my arms and he was perfect… And I spent a lot of time, trying not to think about it. Like I didn’t try to think too hard about the fact that I died. Because, as glad as I am that I could help them… there was a very ugly part of me that regretted it. And I… I didn’t want to look at that, at all. Because I don’t want to regret this. I don’t, not really.”

“But he was perfect, and he wasn’t yours to keep. And that hurt,” Eddie whispers, feeling his own heart clench at that.

Eddie still doesn’t know how Buck managed to do it, to follow through with this most selfless act. It’s perhaps a different thing if you don’t know the people you make a donation for, if you don’t ever see that child. But Buck knows Kameron and Connor. He helped Kameron when Connor got cold feet. He delivered the baby. He held it. And he didn’t get to kiss it, didn’t get to call it his. He had to give it over to Kameron, he had to give it up. Eddie can safely say he couldn’t have done for those two what Buck did. He looked at Christopher once, and despite all of his anxieties, he knew right at that moment that there wouldn’t be anything he could ever possibly love more than that child.

“Yeah, it hurt. Like, I knew this was the outcome. Well, I didn’t know I’d actually have to deliver the baby, but… I knew that, in the end… I’d be donor, not dad. That was the deal. I walked away from this, even though it hurt. And I honestly think I managed not to insert myself into their life, after. To just be that donor for them… But yeah, holding that baby… I just… I realized just how much I want this.”

Eddie blinks. “To have a baby?”

“To be a father, to have a child that I get to call mine. Like, I don’t care one bit whether the kid has my DNA. But I… I realized that one of those things I’ve been yearning for, for so long, is to… to be a father. Not just Uncle Buck, not just Donor Buck. Not just… In-case-of-emergency Buck… Just… Dad Buck, just dad.”

Eddie can feel something tingling uncomfortably in his stomach. Is that, at least in part, how Buck sees the will? That he is the in-case-of-emergency, should something happen to him? And that this is all, or most of it?

Which may beg the question: Why would he want it to mean more for Buck? But Eddie has no answer to that yet.

Eddie coughs lightly to gather himself again. “And Natalia… doesn’t want kids?”

“She says that she really doesn’t. Which is totally fine. And it’s honestly not the reason why we ended things. The more we talked about what we want out of life, the more we came to realize just how different our goals were. And sure, you don’t have to want the very same thing at all times, but…”

“… you need a general direction, hit some milestones together.” Eddie nods.

“Right. And we had to see that we like each other a lot, but things don’t align for us beyond that attraction and care we feel for one another. Even without the family planning issue. So we figured we’re better off trying to find someone who’s better suited to walk that path with us.”

“So you’re really fine with it, breaking up with her?”

“I was never good at… break ups. I… I always felt like failing. But this time, neither one did anything wrong. We just… figured out that it wasn’t going anywhere. So… ugh, yeah, I’m good, with the break up. I’ll miss her for quite some time, I’m sure. But… I feel like it was the right choice, and that I managed to follow through with it before it was too late, before anyone got hurt. I’m honestly glad about that.”

“Right.”

Eddie takes a swig from the beer, which turned almost lukewarm between his sweaty hands.

“So… you want to be a father.”

He knows he shouldn’t be surprised. Buck always loved kids. You only have to see him interact with Christopher once to know that Buck was born to be a dad one day. But for reasons Eddie can’t really explain, there is something pulling on the strings around his heart upon that admission, that realization, really.

Because, in the end, that means he is looking to another child to take care of. What Eddie doesn’t know is why that actually hurts to think.

“It doesn’t have to be, like, tomorrow. Or even this year or the next. But I know this is what I want, rather sooner than later. I know that now.”

“Ever since you held the baby,” Eddie assumes, but Buck shakes his head. “Actually before that. I just… didn’t understand it, I think.”

Eddie tilts his head. “How do you mean?”

“You know, in that dream I’ve had while I was in a coma… I… my parents talked about my kids. And I remember how my heart skipped a beat. That in this version of my life, I was a dad! Only to find out that those were the kids in my class, as I was a teacher. Like, dreams often tell us what we actually want. And… and I feel like I’ve been shying away from that.”

“From hanging around kids? Hardly.”

“No, I mean… I love kids. I always did. I love babysitting. I love, beyond anything, hanging out with Chris. But the idea of having a child of my own… for a long time, it’d felt more like a threat than anything else, “Buck admits, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Because you’d lose your freedom?”

“No, because if I had a kid, I’d have a reason not to… be willing to give my life for the greater good. I know this sounds silly, but…,” Buck says, his voice trailing off, but Eddie interjects, “It’s not silly. I know how I struggled, trying to reconcile doing this job, while also being a father. Some days, I’m not sure I’m managing.”

There were many things he struggled with, coming back from the war. His parents were on him for wanting to become a firefighter. But yes, it was on his mind. What it meant to do a job that could very well mean he wouldn’t get to go home to his son. Because he was willing to sacrifice his life for someone other than his son. But Eddie found enough resolve in him to always try his hardest to come home. And to this day, he dares to think that this is enough.

“See, I couldn’t have that. After I found this job, my path in life, my purpose… I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But then I met all those amazing parents, you very much included, and… and I had to realize that it is possible. That you can still dedicate yourself to this purpose, but… but also to having a family.”

Eddie smiles faintly. Whenever he is in doubt about his ability as a parent, he has to look no further than to Buck to find that reassurance he craves more desperately than he’d want to at times. Because to Buck, Eddie is the picture boy kind of dad. While Eddie would not sign up to that, it always gives him reassurance. That he’s doing okay, even if he feels like he is failing his son, sometimes. Because there is someone who makes him look at all the other times he was doing well. Because there is someone who sees Eddie not just for the things he messed up, but for all the times he did right, and who sees him for who he can be as a dad further down the road.

“Coming back from what happened, I… I felt like I couldn’t go back to life as I knew it. And that’s true. I won’t ever be the same, after I… died. But I definitely won’t find my happiness by chasing an unhappy former version of myself. I… I want more out of my life than casual relationships and… only being a backup. I want… more. And I… I try very hard to tell myself that that’s okay. That I’m enough, to… to have that.”

“Of course you’re enough. You’re allowed to live whatever life you choose,” Eddie assures him, because he knows that Buck needs to keep hearing it, to let that sink in, the same way he relies on Buck to tell him what he can’t seem to grasp sometimes.

“I’m starting to get there.” He leans his head back. “I mean, it honestly feels a bit like a joke. Like, I die, literally die… and I spent so much time before and after the lightning strike, trying to find true peace, true happiness… and… and now I feel like I finally found out… and I have no idea what to do with that information. Like, what’s next?”

“You’re allowed to take your time, figuring that out, Buck.”

“Yeah, I know. I just… I guess I’m being impatient. Or rather… I don’t know how long I have to keep waiting, before I get to have that happiness. Because I spent my whole damn life, waiting. And I fear that if I keep waiting too long, I… I will keep missing out.”

He looks at the ceiling for a long moment, wrinkling his nose with a pensive frown. Then something sheepish flashes across his face, forcing him to twist his head back around to look at Eddie. “Which is to say, I’m not… unhappy, being Uncle Buck and all that. I’m not unhappy, period. I’m still over the moon that you’ve put me in your will. That you’d entrust your child into my care, should anything happen to you. Like, I don’t want it to come across like this is lesser to me. It’s not. I love Christopher. But… but… but he isn’t mine, not actually. He’s yours.”

Distantly, Eddie is called back to the small fight they had a few weeks back, in the basketball court. When they disagreed about how to help Christopher navigate his first crush. And how it’d slipped out of him during the game, that Buck wasn’t Christopher’s dad, that it was not his call to make. Eddie had regretted that even more than Buck could ever have regretted shoving him a bit too hard to take the ball from him thereafter. And oh God did Buck regret that.

Eddie had never meant for it to come out that way, but now he starts to see just how much that must have upset Buck. Because it confirmed this fear that he’d been carrying around himself ever since the lightning strike. To be confronted with the reality, yet again, that this was not his child, not his call to make. Because Christopher is Eddie’s son, not Buck’s. Even though he loves him like he is, Eddie has no doubt about it.

“I’m more to Christopher than I am to anyone else’s child. And I’m forever indebted to you for… for giving me that purpose, for letting me share in that with you,” Buck continues. “It means the world to me.”

“But you want to be a father. So that’s just not enough,” Eddie mutters.

“Hey, if I could steal Chris, I probably would,” Buck jokes, but then turns more serious again. “But… yeah, I guess I want more, in the sense of… not just having a kid on the weekends, taking them to the zoo, help with school projects, or pick’em up when the parents are busy, and all. I want the whole damn deal, you know? Parent teacher conferences, figuring out schedules, fussing over them getting a fever, dealing with tantrums, being the bad cop, fail and keep trying…”

He lets his head fall back around so he is facing the ceiling again.

“And… and I start to allow myself to go for it, actually go for it. But I want you to know that, no matter what happens, that’s never going to change anything about me caring about Christopher in any way I can. Because I will, always.”

Because Buck still loves him, as his own. Even though he isn’t. Only ever in case of emergency.

Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, to let that sink in. Truthfully, that’s not what he saw coming, when he put Buck in his will, not even when he told him about it at long last.

“I know,” Eddie almost croaks. “You’re always going to take care of him. Because you love him, so much.”

“I do.” A smile creeps up his lips, but it looks fake, Eddie notes. “I mean, who knows what the future holds? If you and Marisol get more serious, or you wind up marrying again… who knows how long you’ll need it in the papers that I’m the backup, right? Coz then he’d have another parent watching out for him. In which case I’d be the backup for the backup.”

Eddie feels the air knocked out of him this time. He had never thought about it too hard, though maybe he should have. Because yes, if he winds up finding someone to spend his life with, they’ll be the ones to take care of Christopher before Buck.

That would be the normal thing, at least.

But in Eddie’s mind, ever since he put Buck in his will, there has only been one person to take care of his son, should something happen to him. And that person is Buck, always only Buck.

But was that just wishful thinking on my end?

“Which is to say… I think it’s not fair for me to rely on you and Christopher for that, so very much. To find that part of my happiness. Because that’s actually just between the two of you. And I have to be fine with that. But that also means I have to… go for it myself, or else I won’t ever get it.”

The words get stuck in Eddie’s throat. How Buck can rely on them, how it’s totally fair, how much he wants him to rely on it. But who is Eddie to say that to him, after what Buck just admitted to? Because Christopher is not Buck’s. Even though, despite being all grown up these days, Buck is still Christopher’s Buck. So why should Buck have to keep relying on what he can get from Eddie and Christopher, if he can find the one thing that can make him truly happy? To be a father in his own right?

How would that be enough?

“I feel like I blow this way out of proportions, but I just… I felt like if there’s one person who should know before all else, it’d be you,” Buck concludes.

“I’m glad you told me,” Eddie says.

He is, he really is. But why is it that his heart is aching so much right now, he wonders?

“Is it okay… if that stays between us two, for a while? Until I’m a bit more sorted out about… how to take the next step? It’s not like it’s a grand secret, but I feel like it’d raise questions I wouldn’t be able to answer right now.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, for everything, really.”

“Never for that.”

Eddie watches as Buck keeps looking at the ceiling, which leaves him to wonder what Buck sees there.

The night fizzles out after that rather quickly. Before he knows it, Buck is tying his shoes and slipping into his jacket.

“Well, I guess I should be going, then. Thanks for… I was going to say for listening to my crap, but I’m gonna say… for being there. I… that means a lot,” Buck says.

“Always, Buck. Always.”

“Thanks. Well, I’ll be on my way, then.”

Eddie watches Buck as he stops by the door, for the briefest of moment. His fingers run down the door frame. And Eddie can’t help but wonder whether he’s saying goodbye to something. What it is, he isn’t sure. But he fears that Buck is saying goodbye to a pathetic fantasy they both got lost in, for what it seems.

Because, contrary to what Buck found out about Natalia and him, Buck and Eddie want to hit similar milestones, walk down the same path, but they can’t walk them together.

And isn’t that the biggest joke in it all?